Airplane! (1980) · 61 quotes
3rd most-quoted character in Airplane! (1980): in 12 of its 61 quotes
Most scenes with: Elaine (4), Striker (3), Capt. Oveur (2)
I just want to tell you both good luck. We're all counting on you. (repeated several times, once even after the plane has landed)
Rumack The last thing he said to me, "Doc," he said, "Sometime when the crew is up against it, the breaks are beating the boys, tell them to get out there and give it all they got and win just one for the Zipper. I don't know where I'll be then, Doc," he said, "but I won't smell too good, that's for sure."
Rumack I am serious. And don't call me Shirley.
Surely you can't be serious?
Rumack I am serious. And don't call me Shirley.
Note: this exchange is ranked #79 in the American Film Institute's list of the top 100 movie quotations in American cinema.
Rumack What flying experience have you had?
I flew single engine fighters in the Air Force, but this plane has four engines. It's an entirely different kind of flying... altogether.
"It's an entirely different kind of flying."
Dr Rumack You'd better tell the Captain we've got to land as soon as we can, this woman has to be gotten to a hospital..
A hospital! What is it?
Dr Rumack It's a big building with patients and doctors and nurses but that's not important right now.
Rumack Captain, how soon can you land?
I can't tell.
Rumack You can tell me, I'm a doctor.
No, I mean I'm just not sure.
Rumack Well, can't you take a guess?
Well, not for another two hours.
Rumack You can't take a guess for another two hours?
Rumack What was it we had for dinner tonight?
Well, we had a choice, steak or fish.
Rumack Yes, yes, I remember, I had lasagna.
Rumack Elaine, you're a member of this crew. Can you face a few unpleasant facts?
No.
Rumack Alright. If we don't get this plane down soon, I can't even be sure of saving their lives.
Surely there must be something you can do.
Rumack I'm doing everything I can, and stop calling me Shirley.
Doctor, Mr. Hammen ate fish, and Randy said there are five more cases, and they all had fish, too.
Rumack And the co-pilot had fish. What did the navigator have?
He had fish.
Rumack All right, now we know what we're up against. Every passenger on this plane had fish for dinner will become violently ill in the next half hour. [Oveur looks at his finished dinner plate, sees he had fish too]
Just how serious is it?
Rumack Extremely serious. It starts with a slight fever and dryness of the throat. [Oveur starts reaching for his throat] When the virus penetrates the red blood cells, the victim becomes dizzy, begins to experience an itchy rash... [Oveur starts to sway dizzily and scratching himself] ...then the poison goes to work on the central nervous system, severe muscle spasms followed by the inevitable drooling. [Oveur's right arm twitches madly, and then drools heavily] At this point, the entire digestive system collapses, accompanied by uncontrollable flatulence. [Oveur farts loudly] Until finally, the poor bastard is reduced to a quivering, wasted piece of jelly.
[Oveur collapses completely at the controls and the plane plummets, people swaying back and forth, and warning sign comes on saying "No Smoking - Rows 11-51, No Sexual Intercourse - Rows 13-51"]
Dr. Rumack Captain, these passengers don't have much time. How soon can we land?
I can't tell.
Dr. Rumack You can tell me, I'm a doctor.
What I mean is, I don't know.
Dr. Rumack Well, can't you take a guess?
...Not for another two hours.
Dr. Rumack You can't take a guess for another two hours?
No, what I'm saying is we can't land for another two hours.
Frank Drebin
Count Dracula
Mayor William Dudley
Uncle Albert
President Harris
Dick Steele
Captain Harrison
Commander John J. Adams
