Airplane! (1980) · 61 quotes
Tied for 4th most-quoted character in Airplane! (1980): in 11 of its 61 quotes
Most scenes with: Rumack (4), Striker (3)
Mostly, I remember the nights when we were together. I remember how you used to hold me and... how I used to sit on your face and wriggle and—
Elaine Ladies and gentleman, this is your stewardess speaking. We regret any inconvenience the sudden cabin movement might have caused. This is due to periodic air pockets we encountered. There's no reason to be alarmed and we hope you enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
They bought their tickets. They knew what they were getting in to. I say, let 'em crash!
Elaine Would you gentlemen care to order your dinners?
Bet, babe. Slide a piece o' da' porter. Drink side, run da' java.
Lookie here. I can dig grease 'n chompin' on some buns and draggin' through the garden.
Randy Can I get you something?
'S'mofo butter layin' me to da' BONE! Jackin' me up... tight me
Randy I'm sorry, I don't understand.
Cutty say 'e can't HANG!
Jive Lady Passenger Oh stewardess! I speak jive.
Randy Oh, good.
Jive Lady Passenger He said that he's in great pain and he wants to know if you can help him.
Randy All right. Would you tell him to just relax and I'll be back as soon as I can with some medicine?
Jive Lady Passenger Jus' hang loose, blood. She gonna catch ya up on da' rebound on da' med side.
What it is, big mama? My mama no raise no dummies. I dug her rap!
Jive Lady Passenger Cut me some slack, Jack! Chump don' want no help, chump don't GET da' help!
Say 'e can't hang, say seven up!
Jive Lady Passenger Jive ass dude don't got no brains anyhow! Hmmph!
Oh...it's my stomach. I haven't felt this awful since we saw that Ronald Reagan film.
*when offered cream for her coffee* No thank you, I take it black...like my men.
Nervous?
Yes.
First time?
No, I've been nervous lots of times.
My orders came through. My squadron ships out tomorrow, we're bombing the storage depots at Daiquiri at 18:00 hours. We're coming in from the North, below their radar.
Elaine When will you be back?
I can't tell you that. It's classified.
Elaine Ted! What are you doing here! You can't fly this plane!
That's what I've been trying to tell these people!
Elaine Would you like something to read?
Do you have anything light?
Elaine Uhh...how about this leaflet, Famous Jewish Sports Legends?
Elaine You got a telegram from headquarters today.
Headquarters? What is it?
Elaine Well, it's a big building where generals meet. But that's not important right now.
You'd better tell the Captain we've got to land as soon as we can, this woman has to be gotten to a hospital..
Elaine A hospital! What is it?
It's a big building with patients and doctors and nurses but that's not important right now.
What was it we had for dinner tonight?
Elaine Well, we had a choice, steak or fish.
Yes, yes, I remember, I had lasagna.
Elaine, you're a member of this crew. Can you face a few unpleasant facts?
Elaine No.
Alright. If we don't get this plane down soon, I can't even be sure of saving their lives.
Elaine Doctor, Mr. Hammen ate fish, and Randy said there are five more cases, and they all had fish, too.
And the co-pilot had fish. What did the navigator have?
Elaine He had fish.
All right, now we know what we're up against. Every passenger on this plane had fish for dinner will become violently ill in the next half hour. [Oveur looks at his finished dinner plate, sees he had fish too]
Elaine Just how serious is it?
Extremely serious. It starts with a slight fever and dryness of the throat. [Oveur starts reaching for his throat] When the virus penetrates the red blood cells, the victim becomes dizzy, begins to experience an itchy rash... [Oveur starts to sway dizzily and scratching himself] ...then the poison goes to work on the central nervous system, severe muscle spasms followed by the inevitable drooling. [Oveur's right arm twitches madly, and then drools heavily] At this point, the entire digestive system collapses, accompanied by uncontrollable flatulence. [Oveur farts loudly] Until finally, the poor bastard is reduced to a quivering, wasted piece of jelly.
[Oveur collapses completely at the controls and the plane plummets, people swaying back and forth, and warning sign comes on saying "No Smoking - Rows 11-51, No Sexual Intercourse - Rows 13-51"]
