Frank Drebin Lt Drebin, Police Squad! And don't ever let me catch you guys in America!
Most-quoted character in The Naked Gun (1988): in 26 of its 29 quotes
Most scenes with: Jane Spencer (3), Ed (3)
The truth hurts doesn't it, Hapsburg. Oh sure, maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with the seat missing, but it hurts.
More lines from Frank Drebin
8 quotes Frank Drebin Frank Drebin There is always risk. You take a risk getting up in the morning, crossing the street... or sticking your face in a fan.
Frank Drebin Like a blind man at an orgy, I was gonna have to feel my way out.
Frank Drebin Like a midget at a urinal, I was going to have to stay on my toes.
Frank Drebin And by the way.. I faked every orgasm.
Frank Drebin No, no, no I'm sure that we can handle this maturely. Just like the sensible adults that we are. Isn't that right Mr. Poopy Pants?
Frank Drebin My name is Sgt. Frank Drebin, Detective Lieutenant Police Squad.
Frank Drebin It's true what they say: Cops and women don't mix. It's like eating a spoonful of Drano. Sure, it'll clean you out, but it'll leave you hollow inside.
Scenes with Frank Drebin
17 scenes
Vincent Ludwig Drebin!
Frank!
Frank Drebin You're both right.
Vincent Ludwig Inspector Drebin, welcome.
Frank Drebin The feeling is mutual.
Vincent Ludwig Nice to meet you too... He offers Drebin some cigars ... Cuban?
Frank Drebin Err, no, Dutch-Irish, my father was from Wales.
Can I interest you in a night cap?
Frank Drebin No, thank you, I don't wear them.
Mayor Barkley Oh Drebin. I don't want any more trouble like you had last year on the southside. Understand? Thats my policy.
Frank Drebin Yes, well. When I see five weirdos dressed in togas stabbing a guy in the middle of the park in pro view of a hundred people, I shoot the bastards, that's my policy.
Mayor Barkley That was a Shakespeare in the Park production of Julius Caesar, you moron! You killed five actors! Good ones!
Rocko
What is your prison number?
Frank Drebin It's unlisted.
Frank Drebin That's the red-light district. I wonder why Savage is hanging around down there.
Sex, Frank?
Frank Drebin Uh, no, not right now, Ed. We've got work to do.
Tanya Peters
What are you doing?
Frank Drebin Oh! I was, uh, just conjugating my next move.
Tanya Peters
Your bishop's exposed.
Frank Drebin It's these pants.
Goon
Hey, Drebin! I've got a messege for you from Vincent Ludwig:
He talks rapidly while repeatedly firing is gun
Frank Drebin I can't hear you, dont fire the gun while you talk!
Frank Drebin Nice Beaver!
Thanks I just had it stuffed <as she hands him a stuffed beaver>
[after Frank is relieved of duty, Ed looks at the newspapers in dismay]
It's disgusting the way they splash this stuff all over the newspapers! What is journalism coming to? You're laying on top of the queen with her legs wrapped around you. And they call that news. They can't kick you off the force, Frank! It's just not fair!
Frank I know, Ed. Life isn't always fair. Just think. The next time I shoot someone, I could be arrested.
Frank [he looks through his files and finds a piece of evidence]
Hey! Look at that. The missing evidence in the Kelner case. My God! He was innocent!
He went to the chair 2 years ago, Frank.
Frank [Frank defeatedly discards the evidence and all his files into the file cabinet]
Well, what's the use?
[after Ludwig has been hit with a tranquilizer dart, and falls off the building, Frank and Ed watch as he gets run over by a bus and steam roller, and trampled by a passing marching band] [sobs]
Oh, Frank! It's horrible. That's so horrible!
Frank [comforts his boss]
I know, Ed.
My father went the same way.
Frank Ludwig?!
Goon
Drebin!
Frank Yeah, I'm Drebin!
Goon
I have a message for ya from Vincent Ludwig!
Goon
[he fires his gun]
Take that, you lousy cop!
Frank I'm sorry! I can't hear ya! Don't fire the gun while you're talking!
Frank [Frank seems to look up Jane's skirt as she climbs a ladder to the attic right in front of him]
Nice beaver.
Thank you. I just had it stuffed. [hands him a stuffed beaver]
Frank Let me help you with that.
Frank, this is Quentin Hapsburg of the Hexagon Oil Company.
Hapsburg
Pleased to meet you, Mr....
Frank [shakes hands w/Hapsburg]
Drebin. Frank Drebin. I believe I've used some of your restrooms.
Hapsburg
I'm sure you have.
Frank Are you, in some way, connected with the institute?
Hapsburg
Well, not officially, but as a matter of fact, Jane and I have been seeing quite a lot of each other lately. [to Jane] How's my little hell cat?
Frank Well, that's great. I've been dating too. Nice girl. An author. She wrote the book on male sexual dysfunction. You've probably read it.
Hapsburg
I beg your pardon?
Frank, please.
Frank Oh, it's all right. I'm sure we can handle this situation maturely, just like the responsible adults that we are. Isn't that right, Mr. Poopy Pants?
Hapsburg
[furiously]
That does it!
Frank [sings]
Oh say can you see / By the dawn's early light / What so proudly we hail / In the twilight's last gleaming? / Whose bright stripes and broad stars / In the perilous night / For the ramparts we watched / uh, da-da-da-da-da-daaaa. / And the rocket's red glare / Lots of bombs in the air / Gave proof to the night / That we still had our flag. / Oh say does that flag banner wave / Over a-a-all that's free / And the home of the land / And the land of the --
Policeman
Freeze!
Frank [presents his speech]
I want a world where Frank Junior and all the Frank Juniors can sit under a shade tree, breathe the air, swim in the ocean, and go into a 7-Eleven without an interpreter. I want a world where I can eat a sea otter without getting sick! I want a world where the democrats will put somebody up there worth voting for! I may not get there with you, but most of all, I want a world where I can wake up each morning with this woman, whom I love!
We got a little surprise for ya. It's in honor of your 30 years on the force. Nordberg?
Frank [Nordberg unveils a frame with Frank's name, uniform, and equipment mounted on it; all at Police Squad applaud Frank]
Oh, boy. This is really great. Thank you, guys!
Nordberg We thought it might cheer you up. We heard about you and Jane.
Frank Jane, Jane. That name will always remind me of her.
Frank, I feel really bad about all this. If there's anything that you need...
Nordberg Like Dr. Kevorkian's home phone number?
Other characters in The Naked Gun
More Leslie Nielsen characters
Count Dracula
Rumack
Mayor William Dudley
Uncle Albert
President Harris
Dick Steele
Captain Harrison
Commander John J. Adams