Leslie Nielsen movie quotes

View Quote The truth hurts doesn't it, Hapsburg. Oh sure, maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with the seat missing, but it hurts.

View Quote There is always risk. You take a risk getting up in the morning, crossing the street... or sticking your face in a fan.

View Quote No, no, no I'm sure that we can handle this maturely. Just like the sensible adults that we are. Isn't that right Mr. Poopy Pants?

View Quote [in a dream, at a picnic] I'm drinking wine, and I'm eating chicken!

View Quote [waking up from a bad dream] Oh, it's night-time. I was having... a daymare.

View Quote [his last line] Renfield, you asshole!

View Quote I just want to tell you both good luck. We're all counting on you. (repeated several times, once even after the plane has landed)

View Quote The last thing he said to me, "Doc," he said, "Sometime when the crew is up against it, the breaks are beating the boys, tell them to get out there and give it all they got and win just one for the Zipper. I don't know where I'll be then, Doc," he said, "but I won't smell too good, that's for sure."

View Quote I am serious. And don't call me Shirley.

View Quote (After the fires are extinguished)
Maggie Grayson: How's it feel to be a hero?
Mayor William Dudley: Hero? Well the real heroes of this tragedy are the people of this fair city.

View Quote (Discussing the hospital's dedication ceremony)
Mayor William Dudley: I hope you'll change your mind and join us up on the speakers' platform, Dr. Whitman.
Dr. Frank Whitman: No, no, I don't think so. Really.
Mayor William Dudley: It would look better, you know, the head of a new hospital.
Dr. Frank Whitman: Well it may look better but I don't think it would sound better. I don't think you'd like what you'd be hearing.
Mayor William Dudley: Well what's eating you now? You have a new job and the city has a beautiful new hospital.
Dr. Frank Whitman: That's right, some new hospital. You know, it looks real good on the outside. But thanks to your political favors here and there, see I'm stuck with a patch-up job!
Mayor William Dudley: Well nothing is perfect. Everything is compromised. Now, if you're the mayor of a big city and you want to get things done, you have to learn to give and take.
Dr. Frank Whitman: Try talking to a surgeon about compromise during an open-heart operation, huh? (walks away)
Mayor William Dudley: Dr. Whitman? (Whitman stops and turns around) When I call on you, I expect you to come up and speak.
Dr. Frank Whitman: Is that a challenge?
Mayor William Dudley: If you'd like to put it that way.
Dr. Frank Whitman: Well you just do that Mr. Mayor. I look forward to it.

View Quote (During a 3-way live broadcast between the hospital, the TV station and the fire department's headquarters)
Maggie Grayson: Mayor Dudley, can you hear me?
Mayor William Dudley: Uh yes Ms. Grayson. I hear you very well.
Maggie Grayson: Chief Risley, can you hear me? Can you not hear me Chief Risley?!
Chief Albert Risley: Yes, yes I do Ms. Grayson I apologize, but we have no time for formalities. (noticing labored breathing by the mayor on the TV) Mayor Dudley are you having difficulty breathing?
Mayor William Dudley: Well, uh, yes as a matter of fact I am.
Chief Albert Risley: Mr. Mayor I'm afraid the hospital may be caught in a firestorm.
Maggie Grayson: Chief Risley...does that mean that the people in the hospital are in danger of suffocating?
Chief Albert Risley: Mayor Dudley it's very important that everyone in the hospital get out of the area as quickly as possible!

View Quote With great power comes hot bitches.

View Quote Look at you, eatin' junk food, wearin' fake beards.

View Quote You did surgery on me?

View Quote I'm in command of 18 competitively selected super-perfect physical specimens with an average age of 24.6 who have been locked up in hyperspace for 378 days. It would have served you right if he ... they ... oh go on, get out of here before I have you run out of the area under guard — and then I'll put more guards on the guards.

View Quote Alta, about a million years from now the human race will have crawled up to where the Krell stood in their great moment of triumph and tragedy. And your father's name will shine again like a beacon in the galaxy. It's true, it will remind us that we are, after all, not God.

View Quote Commander Adams: No offence, but you are a robot...
Robby: That is correct, sir.

View Quote [after the rappers kill each other in a shoot-out] These men died for their country; send flowers to their bitches and hos.

View Quote Right. Let's see if we can steer that course keeping everybody deeply disturbed. We don't want a panic. Very few presidents have faced a crisis like this. [goes over to a portrait of President Ford] I wonder what President Ford would've done. Well, if the buck stops here... The buck stops here.

View Quote President Harris: Isn't this great? Humans and aliens working together. We're one big, happy, intergalactic family.
George: Family. Huh. That's just what I've been running away from.
President Harris: Well, that's because you're an idiot.

View Quote I'm Bud Fudlacker. I have a small mail order business. I travel with the American Gladiators. I'm 55. I like small appliances, and I do tax accounting on the side.

View Quote Crazy? Some people think walking down the street muttering to yourself is crazy. I'll tell you what crazy is: Crazy is walking down the street with half a cantaloupe on your head, saying: "I'm a hamster. I'm a hamster." That's crazy.

View Quote [To the armless Rancor] I'd shake your hand, but I don't remember where it landed.

View Quote Captain Harrison: [over intercom to radio room] Sparks!
Wireless Operator: Yes, sir!
Captain Harrison: Get of a Mayday!
Wireless Operator: [puzzled] Mayday, sir?
Captain Harrison: Yes, I said Mayday, Mayday, Mayday!

View Quote Chief Engineer Joe: Chief here. Go ahead.
Captain Harrison: Joe, what the hell's going on down there? Is there nothing more you can do with those stabilizers?
Chief Engineer Joe: There's nothing wrong with the stabilizers, so there's nothing more I can do with them. Besides I got my hands full with this pump! You know damn well what the trouble is - it's that bastard Linarcos!
Captain Harrison: Would you care to repeat yourself? He's standing right here.
Chief Engineer Joe: Good! I hope he heard me!

View Quote Captain Harrison: [discussing the approaching wave] It seems to be piling up those shallows... By the way, Happy New Year.
First Officer Larsen: Thank you, sir. Same to you.
Captain Harrison: [returning to the conversation] What's its speed?
First Officer Larsen: 60 knots, sir.
Captain Harrison: It must be mountainous...

View Quote What's the difference between a Belgian and a lump of dog shit? The Belgian drinks wine, but the dog shit smells good!

View Quote Secret Service Agent: Mr. President, we've just received word the planet is under attack by aliens.
President Harris: Oh, okay...
Secret Service Agent: Sir, they've already wiped out some of our cities, if nothing is done they'll kill us all.
President Harris: I see. Well, I'll deal with that later, but right now I need to find out what's happening with the duck.
Secret Service Agent: Sir, with each passing moment more people will die.
President Harris: The people are gonna die regardless. But this duck still has a fighting chance.
Secret Service Agent: I've read the story before, Mr. President. The duck dies...
(the President spits milk all over the elementary school kids)
President Harris: Oh my God! That's horrible!