30 seconds left!
Dr. Phil
Phil McGraw · 14 quotes
Tom
Craig Bierko · 9 quotes
Brenda
Regina Hall · 7 quotes
Cindy Campbell
Anna Faris · 5 quotes
Jigsaw
5 quotes
President Harris
Leslie Nielsen · 2 quotes
Scary Movie 4 quotes
Page 1 of 3Hello? (sees a Ghost Boy peering from above the balcony)
"Harro?" --- Hello
"Hibachi, Benihana, Teriyaki" --- Do you live here?
Ghost Boy
"Nagasaki, Okinawa, Hokkaido, Yokohama" --- Your Japanese is awful. It dishonors my ears.
"Karate, Judo, Sumo, Samurai" --- Are you a ghost?
Ghost Boy
"Nissan, Honda, Mitsubishi, Subaru" --- Yes. I was killed and my soul walks the earth!
"Hari-kiri, Tsunami, Kamikaze, Banzai" --- How sad. My life is also tragic.
Ghost Boy
"Yamaha, Nikon, Casio, Aiwa" --- You mistake me for someone who gives a shit.
Ghost Boy
"Minolta, Hitachi, Seiko, Toshiba" --- I know the secret of defeating the aliens.
"Buddha! Shitake Kimono!" --- My God! Tell me!
Ghost Boy
"Tempura, Sushi, Sashimi...!" --- The answer is within my father's heart! Follow the blood...!
Hey, Cindy! Look, I'm on TV, y'all! Check it out! I'm gonna give a shout out to all my peeps!
(Jigsaw turns around and slaps Brenda in the face)
HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?! (bashing Jigsaw's face into the camera) NO ONE...BITCH SLAPS...BRENDA!
Zoltar, help!
(Zoltar comes in to help his partner)
Oh, this is some bullshit!
(Brenda grabs the pipe and whacks Jigsaw with it before pushing Zoltar out of view)
Is something wrong?
No, it's just... I met this guy, and I wonder if he's safe. Oh, you'd love him, Brenda.
What's his name? I might've already loved him.
Tom Ryan.
Yeah, did him. Big, fat Chinese guy?
No...no.
Cindy's Husband
(flashback)
Git outta the way, bitch!
Don't call me no bitch! You ain't shit!
Cindy's Husband
Shut yo ass up, snow ho!
It looks like we have a lot in...
...common.
We're already finishing each other's...
...dinner!
Oh, my God!
Mr. Koji Don't mind her. She slip and fall. You my new best employee! Ready start today?
Mahalik Grandma?! The zombies have got my grandma!
Mahalik (Mahalik grabs his grandma and starts shaking her)
Die, Grandma! Die! Die! I loved you! I loved you!
Marilyn (as Tom pulls up in his car)
Late again, Tom.
Hey, Marilyn.
Marilyn I thought you were moving.
Oh, it's all I could afford right now. You took everything in the divorce except my name.
Marilyn No, actually, the judge granted me that yesterday. You're now officially known as "Horace P. MacTitties."
Oliver We gotta find a way to take out these tripods. I heard that the Japs took out a few of 'em over in Kikkoman.
Kikkoman. That's...that's a soy sauce.
Oliver Right, yeah. Low sodium.
Robbie Dad, talk to me! What's happening?
There's no time to explain! (a man runs past the window, screaming)
Random Guy
Alien attack!
Well, actually, that about sums it up.
Saw Villain Let the game begin.
I... I don't get it.
Saw Villain Okay...maybe this will help you "see."
Saw Villain That... should be obvious, yes.
Saw Villain (she goes to cut her wrist)
No.
Saw Villain (she reaches out to cut Brenda's shoulder)
No! The key is behind your eye, okay?!
Secret Service Agent
Mr. President, we've just received word the planet is under attack by aliens.
Oh, okay...
Secret Service Agent
Sir, they've already wiped out some of our cities, if nothing is done they'll kill us all.
I see. Well, I'll deal with that later, but right now I need to find out what's happening with the duck.
Secret Service Agent
Sir, with each passing moment more people will die.
The people are gonna die regardless. But this duck still has a fighting chance.
Secret Service Agent
I've read the story before, Mr. President. The duck dies...
(the President spits milk all over the elementary school kids)
Oh my God! That's horrible!
Shaq (After throwing the rock into the basketball)
Boo-yah!
Yes! (He and Shaq use their saws together) 30 seconds left! AAAAAAARGH!
Shaq He doesn't want us to cut through our chains, but this will never work.
Of course. He wants us to cut through our feet.
Shaq You go first.
Bullshit!
Shaq Yeah. You're probably not man enough. I guess your mama was right...
Shaq Candy from a baby.
I've done it! We're saved! (holds up foot)
Shaq Oh, my God! (points)
What's wrong?!
Shaq Wrong foot!
Ever since the divorce it's like my life has no purpose. Half the time, I walk around feelin' like a zombie!
C. J. Yo, don't joke about zombies. That shit there - that's real.
Mahalik Yo, you know Nashawn, down on 120th Street?
C. J. Yeah.
Mahalik She told me that she heard a zombie goin' through her trash the other day. The next mornin', she turned up missin'!
Uh...
C. J. (C.J. interrupts)
What?! Okay, back up. How in the hell do you "turn up missing"?
Mahalik 'Cause nobody knows where you are when they realize you ain't there!
Guys, I'm trying to ask...
C. J. (interrupts again)
So you tellin' me that you can appear and disappear at the same time?
Mahalik No, man. You can't appear and disappear at the same time. The bitch ain't David Copperfield!
Uh, guys...
C. J. (interrupts a third time)
Mmm. No, no. But you can't be gone from one place and show up somewhere else entirely. So when you turn up, you're never missin'. And when you're missin', you never turn up.
Mahalik Unless... you a zombie.
C. J. Damn! Hey, that's some plausible shit right there. You should blog about that.
Mahalik I'm-a gonna put that on Myspace!
C. J. You do that!