[reading his novel aloud while typing it]
"But dad..I don't know how to love..you never taught..taaaught me how.."
The 40 Year-Old Virgin quotes
Page 8 of 8[referring to letting Andy hang out with them]
I don't wanna end up a lampshade in some creepy apartment...
[The day after the poker game when Andy walks into the store. The wall of TVs shows a video of women in bathing suits washing cars]
Andy is goin' down, partner! We're gonna be [starts humping air] This is for you partner, this is for you! [referring to the women on the screen] Waves of them are gonna be comin' at you on Friday, Saturday. By Sunday yo nuts gonna be drained!
[To Amy]
You need to stop ****in' around with my friend because your giving him hope and it's driving the man crazy!
[To Andy before he hits on Beth]
There are three rules when it comes talking to women. Number 1 ask questions, don't say anything, because women, all they wanna do is talk about themselves so you're just gonna let them do that. 2 be cool and 3 be kind of a dick. Look be like David Caruso in "Jade".
[Trying to get Andy to keep the porn]
Uncool? Uncool is trying to give an honest man a big box of porn, Andy! For the last time, I don't want to watch "School of ****" with you!
[Watching Dawn of the Dead]
Whoa! **** that **** up! Bitch, get out of room! Bitch, get out the room!
[Watching The Bourne Identity]
You know, I always thought that Matt Damon was like a Streisand, but I think he's rockin' the shit in this one!
[When he gets in the fight with Trish]
Okay, first of all I'm not in the stockroom anymore, I'm a floor manager.
[While Jay is arguing with a Black customer]
Today's forecast? Dark and cloudy, with chance of drive-by.
[After being accused by Jay's girlfriend about writing rude comments on his speed dating card]
Look, who the **** are you to put me on trial, I've never even met you. So why don't you back the shit off, and stop with the inquisition? Ya know what, I don't have to answer to you you ain't my bitch. Know what I sayin'? So shit, man, **** it. You should keep your ho on a leash. Hey, bitches be runnin' wild, man.