Alan Arkin movie quotes

View Quote It's a very rare person who is taken for what he truly is.

View Quote Don't cry. If you have become human enough to cry, then all the magic in the world cannot change you back.

View Quote Be rary of wousing a wizard's wrath — rousing a rizard's — Be wary of making a magician angry! If I chose, I could turn you into a frog!

View Quote [walking in to find that Sheryl has bought fried chicken for dinner] Again with the **** chicken! Every night it's the **** chicken! Holy God Almighty! Is it possible just once we could get something to eat for dinner around here that's not the god damned **** chicken?!

View Quote Richard, whatever happens, you tried to do something on your own, which is more than most people ever do. I include myself in that category. You took a big chance, it took guts, and I'm proud of you.

View Quote Do you know what a loser is? A real loser is somebody who is so afraid of not winning they don't even try.

View Quote 1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder: We're gonna come out of this war rich!
Yossarian: You're gonna come out rich. We're gonna come out dead.

View Quote Yossarian: He was very old.
Luciana: But he was a boy.
Yossarian: Well, he died. You don't get any older than that.

View Quote Colonel Cathcart: You're a disgrace. I'd like to know how you got to be a Captain, anyway.
Yossarian: You promoted me.
Colonel Cathcart: That has got nothing to do with it.

View Quote Bud: [after putting out an oven fire deliberately started by Jack] What's the matter with you people? Don't you realize you were an inch away from Armageddon?
Jack: [sarcastically] I'll get a mop!

View Quote [Scott finally reveals Carol's parents to the North Pole by showing him the elves at Santa's Workshop]
Bud: [amazed] They're elves! They're not little Canadians, they're really elves!

View Quote Sylvia: Everyone's just so petite.
Bud: No, Tom Cruise is petite, these guys are short! What's the deal?
Scott: Have you ever been to this part of Canada?
Bud: We got as far as Rochester in upstate New York to see Syliva's sister in '67, but no.
Scott: They can't help the way they look up here. It's a bit rude to make fun of an entire country, don't you think?

View Quote If I'm going to make a fake movie, it's going to be a fake hit. Jack O'Donnell

View Quote [Lester Siegel and John Chambers look back on the success of the operation]
Lester Siegel: The saying goes, "What starts in farce ends in tragedy."
John Chambers: No, it’s the other way around.
Siegel: Who said that exactly?
Chambers: Marx.
Siegel: Groucho said that?

View Quote Lester Siegel: Okay, you got six people hiding out in a town of what, four million people, all of whom chant "death to America" all the livelong day. You want to set up a movie in a week. You want to lie to Hollywood, a town where everybody lies for a living. Then you're gonna sneak 007 over here into a country that wants CIA blood on their breakfast cereal, and you're gonna walk the Brady Bunch out of the most watched city in the world.
Tony Mendez: Past about a hundred militia at the airport. That's right.
Siegel: Right. Look, I gotta tell you. We did suicide missions in the army that had better odds than this.

View Quote Tell your dog not to worry, sooner or later we all lose our balls.

View Quote Sometimes life has a better idea.

View Quote Arnie Klein: Listen, take a vacation. Go away for a couple of weeks. Take a month off.
John Grogan: Go where?
Arnie Klein: I dunno.
John Grogan: I live in a vacation spot.
Arnie Klein: Then go to someplace where it's painful and sad.

View Quote Bill: Sweetheart, you can't buy the necessities of life with cookies.

View Quote Peg: You know- damn those TV programs!
Bill: Damn them all to hell.

View Quote Bill: So, Edward, did you have a productive day?
Edward: Mrs. Monroe showed me where the salon's going to be. You could have a cosmetics counter.
Peg: Wouldn't that be great?
Bill: Great.
Edward: And then she showed me the back room where she took all of her clothes off.
Bill: [without listening] Edward, I can't tell you how thrilled I am, I'm just as pleased as punch. This whole beauty parlor venture is gonna teach you volumes and nothing like running your own business. I've never done it myself, but from what I gather it's the greatest satisfaction a working man can have.

View Quote The map to the legendary Zodiac Stone. We'll become the most powerful villains in the world!

View Quote Wild Knuckles: Somebody bring me a phone, call home, it's ransom time.
Gru: No, no, no! My mom will probably pay you to keep me!
Wild Knuckles: Good one. Call.

View Quote Gru: One day, I hope to fake my own death to escape the authorities.
Wild Knuckles: Shoot for the moon, kid, Shoot for the moon.

View Quote [to a pair of FBI agents] You chase a couple of two-bit crooks across our runway, crash into my pilot, and it's our fault?