Schmendrick the Magician I am Schmendrick, the Magician, the last of the Red Hot Swamis!
2nd most-quoted character in The Last Unicorn (1982): in 20 of its 61 quotes
Most scenes with: Unicorn / Lady Amalthea (5), Molly Grue (5), Lír (3)
It's a very rare person who is taken for what he truly is.
More lines from Schmendrick the Magician
10 quotes Schmendrick the Magician Schmendrick the Magician You deserve the services of a great wizard, but I'm afraid you'll have to be glad of aid of a second-rate pickpocket.
Schmendrick the Magician Be rary of wousing a wizard's wrath — rousing a rizard's — Be wary of making a magician angry! If I chose, I could turn you into a frog!
Schmendrick the Magician Magic, do as you will! Magic, do as you will!
Schmendrick the Magician Oh, God! I'm engaged to a Douglas fir!
Schmendrick the Magician After transforming the tree he was tied to.
Schmendrick the Magician Haggard has them all now, drifting on the waves to his delight. All but one, and that one is the Lady Amalthea.
Schmendrick the Magician Don't cry. If you have become human enough to cry, then all the magic in the world cannot change you back.
Schmendrick the Magician She will remember your heart when men are fairy tales, and books are written by rabbits.
Schmendrick the Magician There are no happy endings because nothing ever ends.
Scenes with Schmendrick the Magician
9 scenes Schmendrick Tell me what you see. Don't be afraid. Look at your fellow legends and tell me what you see.
What he calls a manticore looks to be no more than a shabby, toothless lion. And he has them believing that poor old ape with the twisted foot is a satyr! Illusions, deceptions, mirages! Your Mommy Fortuna cannot truly change things!
Schmendrick That's true. She can only disguise, and only for those eager to believe whatever comes easiest. … No, She cannot turn cream into butter, but she can make a lion look like a manticore to eyes that want to see a manticore. Just like she put a false horn, on a real unicorn, so they could see the unicorn. I know you. If I were blind, I would know what you are.
Who are you?
Schmendrick I am called Schmendrick, the Magician. Uh... you won't have heard of me. I entertain the sight-seers as they gather for the show. It's not much of a job for a real magician, but I've had worse.
Unicorn [seeing the harpy]: That one is real. That is the harpy Celaeno.
Schmendrick Yes, the old woman caught her by chance, asleep, just as she took you. Oh, she should never have meddled with a real harpy — or a real unicorn for that matter. Because the truth melts her magic, always. She is going to free herself very soon now and she must not catch you uncaged.
Rukh
Move away from there! You know what she told you!
Schmendrick Don't be afraid; Schmendrick is with you. Do nothing 'til you hear from me.
Schmendrick Take me with you, for luck, for laughs, for the unknown...
You may come with me, if you like, though I wish you'd asked for some other reward for having freed me.
Schmendrick I thought about it. But you couldn't granted my true wish.
No. I cannot turn you into something you are not. I cannot turn you into a true magician.
Schmendrick Ah, it's ok. Don't worry about it.
I'm not.
No, it can't be. Can it be? Where have you been? Where have you been? Damn you! Where have you been?
Schmendrick Don't you talk to her that way!
I'm here now.
And where were you twenty years ago? Ten years ago? Where were you when I was new? When I was one of those innocent young maidens you always come to? How dare you! How dare you come to me now, when I am this! [Weeps]
Schmendrick Can you really see her? Do you know what she is?
If you had been waiting to see a unicorn, as long as I have...
Schmendrick She's the last unicorn in the world.
It would be the last unicorn in the world that came to Molly Grue. … It's all right, I forgive you.
Schmendrick What can I do? Do you think the Red Bull likes card tricks? If I could, I would change her into some other creature, some beast too humble for the Bull to be concerned with. But that would take a real magician with real magic, and I can't pretend anymore...
But you do. You have magic. Maybe you can't find it, but it's there. You called Robin Hood, and there is no Robin Hood. You have all the power you need if you dared to look for it.
Schmendrick The Red Bull came for a unicorn, so she had to become something else. The magic chose the shape, not I. I am a bearer, I am a dwelling, I am a messenger…
You are an idiot! Do you hear me? You've lost her! You've trapped her in a human body! She'll go mad!
Lír! Don't let him change me! The Red Bull has no care for human beings. We may walk out past him and get away!
Schmendrick If we do that, then all the unicorns of the world will remain prisoners forever, except one, and she will grow old and die.
Everything dies! I want to die when you die. [looks at Lír] I'm no unicorn, no magical creature. I'm a woman, and I love you! Don't let him! Lír, I will not love you when I'm a unicorn.
Amalthea, don't...
Schmendrick Then let the quest end here! I don't think I could change you back, even if you wished it. Marry the prince, and live happily ever after.
Yes, that is my wish.
No. My lady, I am a hero, and heroes know that things must happen when it is time for them to happen. A quest may not simply be abandoned; unicorns may go unrescued for a long time, but not forever. A happy ending cannot come in the middle of the story.
But what if there isn't a happy ending?
Schmendrick There are no happy endings, because nothing ends.
Schmendrick, let her stay the way she is. Let her be...
Schmendrick That's not in the story. Lír knows that, and so does she.
You don't care! You don't care what happens to her or to the others, just so you become a real magician, at last. You don't care —
Schmendrick Well I wish I didn't care! I wish to God I didn't care about anything but my magic! But I do! I do.
Lír [as the Red Bull chases the Unicorn]: Do something! You have the power! I will kill you if you don't do something.
Schmendrick I cannot, not all the magic in the world can help her now.
Then what is magic for? What is the use of wizardry if it cannot even save a unicorn?
Schmendrick That's what heroes are for.
Of course — that is exactly what heroes are for.
I wish I could see her just once more, so I could tell her all that's in my heart. She will never know what I really meant to say.
Schmendrick She will remember your heart when men are fairy tales in books written by rabbits. Of all unicorns, she is the only one who knows what regret is — and love.
You are a true wizard now, as you always wished. Does it make you happy?
Schmendrick Well, men don't always know when they're happy. But I — I think so. And you?
I am a little afraid to go home. I have been mortal, and some part of me is mortal yet. I am no longer like the others, for no unicorn was ever born who could regret, but I now I do. I regret.
Schmendrick I am sorry. I have done you evil and I cannot undo it.
No. Unicorns are in the world again. No sorrow will live in me as long as that joy — save one. And I thank you for that part, too. Farewell good magician. I will try to go home.
