R.J. Fletcher This is a business, not a home for irresponsible pus-brains!
Played by Kevin McCarthy 
UHF (1989) · 65 quotes
UHF (1989) · 65 quotes
Tied for 2nd most-quoted character in UHF (1989): in 12 of its 65 quotes
Most scenes with: George Newman (3), Richard Fletcher (3), Stanley Spadowski (2)
This community means about as much to me as a festering bowl of dog snot!! You think I CARE about the pea-brained yokels of this town?! If you took their combined I.Q., and multiplied it by a hundred, you might have enough intelligence to tie your shoe, if you didn't drool all over yourself first!! I can't stand those sniveling maggots. They make me want to puke. But, there is one good thing about broadcasting to a town full of mindless sheep. I always know I have them exactly where I want them. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!!
More lines from R.J. Fletcher
2 quotes R.J. Fletcher R.J. Fletcher [speaking to the crowd at the telethon]
Dear friends, I'm sure that one day you realize that by shutting down this hotbed of subversive activity...
Scenes with R.J. Fletcher
9 scenes
How could you do this to me? I knew this was gonna happen.
You're right, Bob. I'm sorry. What can I say? I-I'm a miserable worthless hunk of slime. Here, I want you to take this crowbar and just bash my head right in. Go ahead. Really. Just BASH my head right in.
George, you know I can't do that. You still owe me 5 bucks.
Hey, Kuni!
Hiya, George!
Beginner's class today, huh?
Yeah! They're so stupid! [A karate student is thrown out the window, it smashes and he falls to the pavement] STUPID!!!
R.J. Fletcher You idiot! Can't you do anything I tell you to do?! Does this look like a Number 2 pencil?!
No... but... I just thought --
R.J. Fletcher You thought?! I don't [snaps pencil in two] pay you to think!
But, Dad...
R.J. Fletcher SHUT UP!
R.J. Fletcher Do you see anything missing from this desk?
R.J. Fletcher You are a worthless human being, Mr., um...
Spadowski, sir. Stanley Spadowski.
R.J. Fletcher [chuckles]
Might I call you Stanley?
R.J. Fletcher Stanley, YOU'RE FIRED!!
But I-I-I didn't --
R.J. Fletcher GET OUT!!
Wait a minute... I think I'm missing something here.
R.J. Fletcher Oh? Didn't I tell you? I own this place now.
You what?!
R.J. Fletcher What's the matter, kid, you got wax in your ears?
But, my Uncle Harvey --
R.J. Fletcher Harvey Bilchik is flying in tomorrow night to close the deal!
Pamela Finklestein [on phone]
Yeah, but... yeah, but... "Broads don't belong in broadcasting?" Is that the kind of professional courtesy you teach your news department?
R.J. Fletcher Why, that's a terrible thing. I don't know how many time I've told those boys, "never call chicks broads."
Pamela FInklestein [incensed]
Why, you slimy... ooh! [hangs up]
R.J. Fletcher This is an embarrassment! A disgrace! What do you think R.J. Fletcher Senior would be saying if he were alive today?
"Help me out of this box, I can't breathe in here. Help, let me out."
R.J. Fletcher Hey, what's going on here?
Harvey Bilchik [preparing to sign a document George has produced]
Heh heh heh!
R.J. Fletcher Now wait just a minute! What do you think you're doing?
[triumphantly showing the document Harvey Bilchik has just signed to the crowd]
We did it! The station's ours!
R.J. Fletcher You can't do this! We had an agreement, remember?! An oral contract! I'll sue!
Harvey Bilchik Aw, blow it out your ear, scuzzbag!
R.J. Fletcher [laughing smugly with a present in hand]
Aw, Richard. You shouldn't have.
Happy Fathers Day, Daaaad.
R.J. Fletcher [looks in the box, throws the present back at his son]
What is this piece of crap?! I thought I told you I wanted a Rolex! A Rolex! [a knock on R.J.'s office door] What?!
Station Employee
[A station employee opens the door cautiously and sheepishly, wearing a large white cowboy hat with a big feather band and a raccoon tail.]
Sir?
R.J. Fletcher What do you want?
Station Employee
I just thought I ought to tell you sir, that there's been a lot of talk on the street about this Channel 62. They're... they're starting to get a pretty strong following.
R.J. Fletcher Excuse me? Did you say Channel 62?
Station Employee
Uh huh...
R.J. Fletcher Do I have to remind you, that we are a network affiliate? And we are in competition with other networks, not with a bunch of punks, broadcasting out of a closet!
Station Employee
But, s..s..s..
R.J. Fletcher Do you enjoy wasting my time? Get out of my office! [employee starts to leave] And take that ridiculous thing off!
[The station employee stops, waits a minute, then takes off...his mustache and leaves!]
John Vector
R.J. Fletcher?
R.J. Fletcher So what if I am?
John Vector
I'm John Vector, FCC. I've noticed your station is late in filing its license renewal this year. Now normally this kind of violation is punishable by a stiff fine. But I've been watching you lately, you made a big impression on me! Yeah, I am revoking your license. Effective immediately, you're off the air!
