Tied for 2nd most-quoted character in UHF (1989): in 12 of its 65 quotes
Most scenes with: George Newman (3), R.J. Fletcher (2), Bob (2)
A line from Stanley Spadowski
MY MOP!!!
More lines from Stanley Spadowski
5 quotes
Stanley Spadowski [Grinning]
This is my new mop. My friend George, he gave me this mop. It's a pretty good mop. It's not as good as my old mop, I miss my old mop. But it's still a good mop. Sometimes, you gotta take what life gives you, 'cause life is like a mop. And sometimes, life gets full of dirt and crud and bugs and hairballs and stuff, but you've got to clean it out. You gotta put it in here and rinse it out and start all over again. And sometimes, life sticks to the floor so bad a mop isn't good enough. It's not good enough. You gotta get down here with, like, a toothbrush or something, and really scrub, and if that doesn't work, if that doesn't work...you can't give up. You've got to run a window and yell, "HEY! THESE FLOORS ARE AS DIRTY AS HELL , AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!"
Stanley Spadowski Oh, Joel Miller, you just found the marble in the oatmeal! You're a very, very, very lucky little boy. You know why? You get to drink from...THE FIRE HOOOOOSE!!!
Stanley Spadowski I'm thinkin' of something orange. Something orange. Give up? It's an orange. [laughs] Ok, now I'm thinkin' of something blue. Something bluuuuuue. [singing] DUN-DADA-DUN-DADA-DUN-DADA-DUN-DADA DAA DAAAAA!! [Thugs push him into the closet] Don't you like Bonanza?!
Stanley Spadowski This is pretty good watermelon...[pauses and considers]...Tastes like poop. I'm gonna eat some Corn Flakes.[grabs box of Corn Flakes] These are pretty good...WHOA!! Free toy inside! Free toy inside!! Let's find it. [rummages his hand in the box] Don't let your mom know that you do this.
Stanley Spadowski Watch out, Mr. Coyote... Aww.
Scenes with Stanley Spadowski
6 scenes
Do you see anything missing from this desk?
Stanley Spadowski [Snapping his finger and pointing]
That stapler?
Did you have a good time in there, Stanley?
Stanley Spadowski Yeah yeah. That was FUN.
Great! How would you like to do that every day?
Stanley Spadowski Yeah! That would be neat - WAIT A minute! Do I...still get to be the janitor?
Stanley Spadowski It's a DEAL!
You are a worthless human being, Mr., um...
Stanley Spadowski Spadowski, sir. Stanley Spadowski.
[chuckles]
Might I call you Stanley?
Stanley Spadowski [chuckles]
Okay...
Stanley Spadowski But I-I-I didn't --
Stanley Spadowski George, you know I was wondering, like if you were traveling through outer space, I mean like you're going real fast, like the speed of light, you know... hoooohhhhh... and all of a sudden you started screaming... aaaahhhhh aaaaahhhhh... Do you think your brain would blow up?
Guys, I'm trying to work... Do you mind?
Stanley Spadowski I don't mind. Go right ahead. Do you mind, George?
What do you got there, Bob?
Don't tell me we showed up on the list!
We beat the networks. This is unbelievable. Look at these notes. We got three shows in the top 5. Stanley Spadowski's Clubhouse went through the roof. Do you know what this means? We're finally going to make some real money. George, We are the number 1 station in town!
A Announcer
[They both scream for excitement]
There's lots of fun coming your way this weekend on U-62. First slam your way to health as you Stay Fit with Mike and Spike! Next, Everybody's favorite: Chef Bernie invites to go Bowling for Burgers! Sunday, Be a part of the excitement as we premiere our dazzling new game show, Strip Solitaire! And then, Join us for hilarious fun on The All New Practical Jokes and Bloopers! And you won't want to miss Celebrity Mud Wrestling with special guest: McCall Contraband! It's a whole new weekend on U-62, The reason television was invented!
Stanley Spadowski Be there! [chuckles]
Stanley Spadowski George? What's wrong, George?
Stanley, you don't want to know.
Stanley Spadowski [Looking genuinely puzzled]
Why'd I ask? [Back to George] Is there anything I can do to help?
Not unless you've got seventy-five thousand dollars on you.
Stanley Spadowski [While searching carefully through a few crumpled pieces of currency]
No, sorry.
More Michael Richards characters
