UHF 1989 quotes

R.J. Fletcher

This community means about as much to me as a festering bowl of dog snot!! You think I CARE about the pea-brained yokels of this town?! If you took their combined I.Q., and multiplied it by a hundred, you might have enough intelligence to tie your shoe, if you didn't drool all over yourself first!! I can't stand those sniveling maggots. They make me want to puke. But, there is one good thing about broadcasting to a town full of mindless sheep. I always know I have them exactly where I want them. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!!

If nobody comes down here and buys a car in the next hour, I'm gonna club this baby seal! That's right. I'm gonna club this seal to make a better deal. You know I'll do it, too, cause I'm crazy!

Gun control is for wimps and commies. Listen, let's get one thing straight. Guns don't kill people; I do!

Gandhi

Give me a steak, medium-rare.

Joe Earley

Can you believe this?! Would you look at that! Just call me "Mr. Butterfingers"! I think it's on the floor somewhere. Is my face red.

Kuni (and other karate experts)

SUH-PLIIEES!!

Stanley Spadowski

MY MOP!!!

Noodles Macintosh

Awwww... did I do that? Oopsie!

Philo

Hello, my name is Philo and welcome to...[unfolds a piece of paper with the title written on it; recites title with echo effect] Secrets Of The Universe. [folds paper back up] Today we are going to learn how to make plutonium from common household items.

Richard Fletcher

Awwwww, did I do that? Oopsie!

Sy Greenblum

Hello, this is Sy Greenblum, president of Spatula City. I like the spatulas so much, I bought the company.

Teri

George Newman, you are a thoughtless, insensitive CREEP! From now on you can forget all my birthdays, because WE'RE THROUGH!

These books are a little overdue. [Conan slices him in two!!]

The world watched in amazement as he unlocked the secrets of Al Capone's glove compartment!

George

Ah-ha! ROAD MAPS!!

Is this it?

Bum

Nope!

Is this it?

Bum

Nope!