ALL A B C D E F G H I J K L M
N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z #


View Quote (The broadcast which gets Channel 8 shut down by the FCC) This community means about as much to me as a festering bowl of dog snot!! You think I CARE about the pea-brained yokels of this town?! If you took their combined I.Q., and multiplied it by a hundred, you might have enough intelligence to tie your shoe, if you didn't drool all over yourself first!! I can't stand those sniveling maggots. They make me want to puke. But, there is one good thing about broadcasting to a town full of mindless sheep. I always know I have them exactly where I want them. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!!
View Quote Crazy Ernie: If nobody comes down here and buys a car in the next hour, I'm gonna club this baby seal! That's right. I'm gonna club this seal to make a better deal. You know I'll do it, too, cause I'm crazy!
View Quote Earl Ramsey: Gun control is for wimps and commies. Listen, let's get one thing straight. Guns don't kill people; I do!
View Quote Gandhi: Give me a steak, medium-rare.
View Quote Joe Earley: [after cutting off a finger with a table saw] Can you believe this?! Would you look at that! Just call me "Mr. Butterfingers"! I think it's on the floor somewhere. Is my face red.
View Quote Kuni (and other karate experts): SUH-PLIIEES!!
View Quote MY MOP!!!
View Quote Noodles Macintosh: [having just vengefully stuck a foot out and tripped up Richard Fletcher, now throwing Richard Fletcher's sarcasm right back at him] Awwww... did I do that? Oopsie!
View Quote Philo: Hello, my name is Philo and welcome to...[unfolds a piece of paper with the title written on it; recites title with echo effect] Secrets Of The Universe. [folds paper back up] Today we are going to learn how to make plutonium from common household items.
View Quote Richard Fletcher: [sarcastically, after having tripped up Noodles Macintosh] Awwwww, did I do that? Oopsie!
View Quote Sy Greenblum: [In the "Spatula City" advertising commercial] Hello, this is Sy Greenblum, president of Spatula City. I like the spatulas so much, I bought the company.
View Quote Teri: George Newman, you are a thoughtless, insensitive CREEP! From now on you can forget all my birthdays, because WE'RE THROUGH!
View Quote Young book customer: [in a preview for "Conan the Librarian"] These books are a little overdue. [Conan slices him in two!!]
View Quote Announcer: The world watched in amazement as he unlocked the secrets of Al Capone's glove compartment!
George: Ah-ha! ROAD MAPS!!
View Quote Blind Guy: [Turns Rubik's Cube] Is this it?
Bum: Nope!
Blind Guy: [Turns Rubik's Cube Again] Is this it?
Bum: Nope!