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View Quote Crazy Ernie: If nobody comes down here and buys a car in the next hour, I'm gonna club this baby seal! That's right. I'm gonna club this seal to make a better deal. You know I'll do it, too, cause I'm crazy!
View Quote Richard Fletcher: [sarcastically, after having tripped up Noodles Macintosh] Awwwww, did I do that? Oopsie!
View Quote Joe Earley: [after cutting off a finger with a table saw] Can you believe this?! Would you look at that! Just call me "Mr. Butterfingers"! I think it's on the floor somewhere. Is my face red.
View Quote Sy Greenblum: [In the "Spatula City" advertising commercial] Hello, this is Sy Greenblum, president of Spatula City. I like the spatulas so much, I bought the company.
View Quote Earl Ramsey: Gun control is for wimps and commies. Listen, let's get one thing straight. Guns don't kill people; I do!
View Quote Teri: George Newman, you are a thoughtless, insensitive CREEP! From now on you can forget all my birthdays, because WE'RE THROUGH!
View Quote Philo: Hello, my name is Philo and welcome to...[unfolds a piece of paper with the title written on it; recites title with echo effect] Secrets Of The Universe. [folds paper back up] Today we are going to learn how to make plutonium from common household items.
View Quote Young book customer: [in a preview for "Conan the Librarian"] These books are a little overdue. [Conan slices him in two!!]
View Quote Gandhi: Give me a steak, medium-rare.
View Quote Kuni (and other karate experts): SUH-PLIIEES!!
View Quote Noodles Macintosh: [having just vengefully stuck a foot out and tripped up Richard Fletcher, now throwing Richard Fletcher's sarcasm right back at him] Awwww... did I do that? Oopsie!
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