Dr. John Watson [About an empty vial, to Holmes]
You do know what you're drinking is meant for eye surgery?
Played by Jude Law 
Sherlock Holmes (2009) · 115 quotes
Sherlock Holmes (2009) · 115 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Sherlock Holmes (2009): in 34 of its 115 quotes
Most scenes with: Sherlock Holmes (22)
Permission to enter the armory.
More lines from Dr. John Watson
10 quotes Dr. John Watson Dr. John Watson [About Irene]
She was the only adversary who ever outsmarted you. Twice. Made a proper idiot out of you.
Dr. John Watson What could she possibly need? An alibi? A beard? A human canoe. She could sit on your back and paddle you up the Thames.
Dr. John Watson I've been going over my notes of our exploits over the past seven months. Would you like to hear my conclusions? … I am psychologically disturbed.
Dr. John Watson [Seeing Holmes has left his revolver behind]
He's left it there on purpose.
Dr. John Watson [About Irene]
She loves an entrance, your muse.
Dr. John Watson [With a goon in a stranglehold]
Relax … I'm a doctor.
Dr. John Watson [After Holmes fires all ammo at Lord Blackwood]
What was that about saving bullets?
Dr. John Watson Holmes!
Dr. John Watson [After he and Mary come upon Holmes, who appears to have hanged himself in his rooms]
Don't worry, dear- suicide's not in his repertoire, he's far too fond of himself for that.
Scenes with Dr. John Watson
23 scenes Dr. John Watson Did you remember your revolver?
Ah … knew I forgot something. Thought I'd left the stove on.
Watson You did.
Sherlock Holmes. And his loyal dog. Tell me, Doctor … as a medical man, have you enjoyed my work?
Watson Let me show you just how much I've enjoyed it. [starts walking towards Blackwood]
Watson, don't!
[Holmes stops Watson a few feet from Lord Blackwood, then looks at Blackwood's hands]
Observe …
Watson [Watson looks down, to see there is an almost imperceptibly thin glass dagger with a sharp point less than a foot from where they stand]
How did you see that?
Because I was looking for it.
[Holmes uses his batons to shatter the dagger]
You were told to wait for my orders.
If I had, you'd be cleaning up a corpse and chasing a rumor. Besides, the girl's family hired me, not the Yard. Why they thought you needed any assistance is beyond me.
Well, London will breathe a sigh of relief.
Dr. John Watson Indeed. Congratulations, Lestrade.
Bravo, Inspector! Have a cigar.
Photographer
Gentlemen. [they turn] Cheese.
[Their photo is taken, and Holmes tries to conceal his face]
Watson [sarcastically]
Permission to enter the armoury.
Granted.
[Holmes has been firing bullets into the wall – loudly]
I am in the process of creating a device that suppresses the sound of a gunshot.
Watson It's not working.
Watson [reading a letter]
Lady Radford reports … her emerald bracelet has gone missing.
Insurance swindle. Lord Radford likes fast women and slow ponies.
Watson You've been in this room for two weeks. I insist you have to get out.
[looking out the window]
There is absolutely nothing of interest to me, out there, on Earth, at all.
Watson [pauses]
So you're free this evening?
Absolutely.
Watson Dinner?
Wonderful.
Watson The Royale?
My favorite.
Watson [starts to leave]
… Mary's coming.
Watson You're meeting her, Holmes!
Have you proposed yet?
Watson No, I haven't found the right ring.
Then it's not official.
Watson It's happening, whether you like it or not! 8:30, The Royale. Wear a jacket. [departs]
You wear a jacket.
What can you tell about me?
You?
John Watson [He and Watson exchange a look]
Oh, I don't think that's –
I don't know that that's –
John Watson Not at dinner.
Perhaps some other time.
I insist.
You insist?
John Watson You remember we discussed this.
The lady insists.
Well done.
John Watson Yes, very well done. Now, shall we? Waiter!
Your student … is a boy of eight.
Charlie's seven, actually.
Ah, well, then he's tall for his age. He flicked ink on you today.
Do I have ink on my face?
John Watson There's nothing wrong with your face.
There are two drops on your ear, in fact. India Blue is nearly impossible to get off. A very impetuous act by the boy, but you are too experienced to react rashly which is why the lady for whom you work lent you that necklace. Oriental pearls, diamonds, a flawless ruby; hardly the gems of a governess. However, the jewels you are not wearing tell us rather more.
John Watson Holmes-
You were engaged. The ring is gone, but the lighter skin where it once sat suggests that you spent some time abroad wearing it proudly. That is until you were informed of it's true, modest worth, at which point, you broke off the engagement and returned to England for better prospects. [Glances at Watson] A doctor, perhaps?
[Mary angrily splashes her wine on Holmes' face]
Right on all counts, Mr. Holmes, apart from one: I didn't leave him...he died.
[Holmes is standing in front of a glass containing a group of flies, strumming chords on his violin as he observes them]
Watson, what started merely as an experiment has led me to the brink of a remarkable discovery.
Dr. John Watson You do realize that what you're drinking is meant for eye surgery?
If I play a chromatic scale, there's no measurable response. Now, and this is remarkable, I switch to atonal clusters …
[The flies start flying in neat circles]
Voilà! They fly in synchronized, counterclockwise, concentric circles, as though a regimented flock. Watson, this is extraordinary. I, using musical theory, have created order … out of chaos.
Dr. John Watson How did you lure them in?
Excellent question. Individually. I've been at it for six hours.
Dr. John Watson And what happens if I do this?
[He takes the lid off the glass and taps the glass with his cane, letting all the insects fly out]
… Right.
Dr. John Watson Get yourself cleaned up. You are Blackwood's last request.
Dr. John Watson [The two men have just been told of Blackwood's resurrection]
You're not really taking this seriously, are you, Holmes?
Yes. As you should. It's a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can't tell if a man's dead or not.
[Holmes & Watson are searching Luke Reordan's apartment]
There's one odour I can't put my finger on. Is it candy floss, molasses… maple syrup? Ah! Barley sugar. [Watson turns around to see two of Blackwood's henchmen enter, one holding a …]
John Watson Toffee apple.
[eyes the second thug's gasoline can]
Let me guess … judging by your arsonist's tool kit, you're here to burn down the building, and extinguish all evidence therein.
First Thug Just one minute, boys! [calls] Oh, Dredger!
[Dredger enters, Holmes and Watson look up … and up]
Il y a un problème? ["Is there a problem?"]
John Watson My ten minutes are up.
[The three thugs attack them; Watson takes on the two short thugs while Holmes engages Dredger; Dredger grabs Holmes by the neck and throws him across a table into a wall; after this, Holmes staggers to his feet]
Un moment, s'il vous plaît … ["One moment, please."]
Je ne suis pas pressé. ["I'm in no hurry."]
[Holmes whacks Dredger with a pipe until he accidentally strikes a column; Holmes manages to grab an odd copper wand-like object; when he puts the tips to Dredger's chest, it sends Dredger flying backwards and straight through a wall; Holmes gets to his feet, and after recharging the taser-wand, he hears sounds from behind the wall; eventually, we hear a few crashes, and Dredger shoves open two other doors, carrying a small knife]
John Watson [Holmes uses the taser to send an electric shock through a pipe to a knife that Dredger is holding, causing him to go flying backwards against the thug that is holding Watson at knifepoint, crushing the thug; Holmes then blows out a bit of smoke from the taser] [in surprise]
Holmes, what is that?
Je ne sais pas. ["I don't know."]
You've never complained about my methods before.
Dr. John Watson I'm not complaining.
You're not? What do you call this?
Dr. John Watson I never complain! How am I complaining?! When do I ever complain about you practicing the violin at three in the morning, or your mess, your general lack of hygiene, or the fact that you steal my clothes?!
Uh, we have a barter system …
Dr. John Watson When have I ever complained about you setting fire to my rooms?
Our rooms …
Dr. John Watson The rooms! Or, or, the fact that you experiment on my dog?
Our dog …
Dr. John Watson The dog!
Gladstone is our dog!
[Mrs. Hudson starts to clear space for the tea tray]
Don't touch. Everything is in its proper place as per usual … Nanny. [on her way out, Mrs. Hudson notices Gladstone the dog laying on the floor]
Oh, he's killed the dog. Again.
Dr. John Watson [irritated]
What have you done to Gladstone now?
I was simply testing a new anesthetic. He doesn't mind.
Dr. John Watson [about Lord Blackwood]
You really believe he was resurrected?
The question is not if, but how. The game's afoot.
Dr. John Watson "Follow your spirit …"
Dr. John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
[together]
"And upon this charge, cry God for Harry, England and St. George!"
Dr. John Watson Look at you! Why is the only woman you've ever cared about a world class criminal? Are you a masochist?
Allow me to explain.
Dr. John Watson Allow me. She's the only adversary who ever outsmarted you … twice. Made a proper idiot out of you.
Right, you've had your fun.
Dr. John Watson What's she after, anyway?
It's time to press on.
Dr. John Watson What could she possibly need?
Dr. John Watson Alibi? A beard. A human canoe. She could sit on your back and paddle you up the Thames.
Dr. John Watson [About the file Irene left Holmes]
I've already read it. Missing Person: Luke Reordan. 4'10", red hair, no front teeth. Case solved. You're obviously not her type. She likes ginger dwarves.
Midget.
Dr. John Watson So you agree?
No, I don't agree. It's more than technicality.
Dr. John Watson What were you doing [out there]?
Will you allow me to explain?
Dr. John Watson I wish you would.
Dr. John Watson [Cuts back to when Irene Adler left the room. Holmes pretends to strum chords on his violin. As soon as Irene closes the door behind her, Holmes races over to the window and arrives in time to see her exiting the building. He runs back to the door. Watson is coming upstairs when Holmes comes running downstairs, and he opens the window at the midway landing]
Holmes, what are you doing?
Nothing.
Dr. John Watson Are you wearing a …
… false nose? No.
Dr. John Watson [as Holmes steals his coat]
Tell me that that wasn't … [before he can say "Irene Adler," Holmes jumps out the window and lands on a dumpster] Holmes, where are you going? [Holmes jumps onto another dumpster that is much lighter and the roof collapses under his weight.]
Watson! Uh, Watson! [Watson simply closes the window]
First Man [Holmes makes his way up a flight of stairs and into a back street. He eventually catches up to Irene. He hides behind a stall and watches as Irene passes a man in a passageway with a bouquet of flowers]
Got some flowers for you, sweetheart. Cut you a deal 'cause you're so pretty.
Oh! My lucky day!
Second Man
[comes up behind Irene and whispers in her ear]
Hello gorgeous, have you got something for me?
[Irene promptly pulls out a leather cosh and strikes the second thug across the face, pull out a stiletto and points it at the face of the first thug]
MOVE! [ She backs the thug into the wall, then she lowers the blade from his face to his neck and searches the man's pockets] Now what have we got here? Oh! [She takes the man's wallet, and the flower bouquet] Thank you.
That's the Irene I know. [He continues to follow Irene, passing through a small circus. He follows her through a small dressing tent, swiping some items to add to his disguise. Irene momentarily turns around, and does not notice that standing behind a performer carrying a weight is Holmes, wearing a top hat, a scarf, and an eyepatch over his left eye. As soon as she turns away, Holmes emerges from hiding and continues to follow her. He intercepts the carriage as it is coming along by ramming into the side of the horse, causing it to stop. The scene then fast-forwards through Holmes being yelled at by the driver and being scared off by the employer's wrist-mounted pistol and cuts to Holmes finishing his story]
This man intrigues me, Watson, he's got Adler on edge.
John Watson Which is no mean feat.
She's intimidated. She's scared of him.
John Watson Well she works for him.
Right.
John Watson Well, it's nothing to do with me, but I advise you: Leave. The case. Alone.
Well, I may not have a choice, hm? After all, I may be paying the rent on my own, soon. [points his violin bow at Watson] Thanks to you.
John Watson Get that out of my face.
It's not in your face; it's in my hand.
John Watson Get what's in your hand out my face.
John Watson [about Scotland Yard's incompetence]
You boys have done an excellent job at obliterating any potential evidence.
Yes, but at least they never miss an opportunity to miss an opportunity.
Watson There's one thing you failed to deduce from the watch, Holmes.
I think not.
Watson The time. I have to get back, Holmes! Taking tea with the in-laws.
Fortune Teller
[Reading Watson's palm]
Oh, I see two men. Brothers. Not in blood, but in bond.
Watson What of Mary?
Fortune Teller
M for Mary, for Marriage. Oh, you will be married.
Watson Go on.
Fortune Teller
Oh, I see patterned tableclothes, oh! China figurines, oh, and lace doilies!
Watson Lace doilies? [He realizes that Holmes must have paid the fortune teller to rip him off] Holmes? Does your depravity know no boundaries?
No.
Fortune Teller
Oh, she turns to fat! And oh, she has a beard!
What of the warts?
Fortune Teller
Oh she's covered in warts.
Watson Enough.
Watson Please, enough!
It's the most apt prediction Flora has made in years, and precisely the reason you cannot find a ring.
Watson [looking at papers on Reordan's walls]
It looks like he was attempting to combine some kind of sorcery and scientific formula.
[noticing some papers that were burnt to cover their contents]
More importantly, let's see what he was trying to dispose of.
Dr. John Watson [Holmes is spying on Blackwood's sacrifice. One of Blackwood's henchmen tries to sneak up on him, but Watson grabs him and chokes him in a hold]
I like the hat.
Thanks, I just picked it up.
Dr. John Watson You remember your revolver?
Oh, knew I forgot something. Thought I left the stove on.
Dr. John Watson You did.
I think that's quite enough. You are a doctor, after all. [Watson feels the henchman's pulse and lets him fall to the floor. Holmes & Watson shake hands]
Always nice to see you, Watson. Where's the Inspector?
Dr. John Watson He's getting his troops lined up.
That could be all day. [They run down the stairs and attack the other henchmen who are standing guard]
Dr. Watson Get that out of my face.
It's not in your face, it's in my hand.
Dr. Watson Get what's in your hand out of my face.
Watson You're not human!
