[Scott finally reveals Carol's parents to the North Pole by showing him the elves at Santa's Workshop] [amazed]
They're elves! They're not little Canadians, they're really elves!
Jack
Martin Short · 14 quotes
Bud
Alan Arkin · 5 quotes
Carol
Elizabeth Mitchell · 5 quotes
Curtis
Spencer Breslin · 5 quotes
Sylvia
Ann-Margret · 4 quotes
Lucy
Liliana Mumy · 3 quotes
Mother Nature
Aisha Tyler · 3 quotes
Neil
Judge Reinhold · 3 quotes
Most scenes together: Scott & Jack (7), Scott & Curtis (4), Scott & Carol (3)
The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause quotes
Page 2 of 2[Scott turns on the commemorative pen in front of the magic snow globe Jack's holding]
"I wish I'd never been Santa at all!"
[Jack became shocked as the magic snow globe glows.] [teasing Jack]
Who said that? Rudolph? Rudolph's... mama?
[The elf pianist plays "Theme from New York, New York" in a pleasingly expert but slightly "cheesy" honky-tonk style] [in a ridiculously loud, booming tone and bombastic self-important style that makes him look like an overgrown puffed-up idiot]
Start spreadin' th' news...by jet or by sleighhhh...You wanna be a part of it - North Pole, North Pole...You snooze and you loooose...so come here to PLAYYYY...here at the VERY HEART OF IT - North Pole, North Pole...come see the SNOWMAN...up where NO MAN's without a treeeeat...And watch this KING OF THE CHILL - HA! - turn up the heeeeat...Ah-those-ah summuhtime bluuuues...are MELTing awayyyy...although it's 55 BELOW...at Polar Norrrth...You'll zip your - PARKA tight...sugar plum dreams - LATE AT night...It's all for YOU - North Pole, North Pole. You'll wanna WAKE UP in the RESORT that never sleeeeeps...and watch this king of the chill, in perfect control, Doing his THING at the TOP of the POLE...If you can MAKE IT HERE...the world's all...CHRISTMAS CHEER... [the elf pianist groans at the absurdity of this last statement] ...holiday GOLD...North POLE...NOOOORRRTH POLLLLLE! [the audience applaud for the cheesy performance, until Scott swings the lights and kicks him off the stage, landing on the pile of presents] Argh! I'm gonna KICK THE COAL outta whoever did that!
Sir! Sir!
Curtis, stop. If you're gonna tell me that your entire facility is ruin and Christmas is tomorrow and for the first time in history, all the kids in the world won't get their gifts because I failed them, stop it! I can't handle one more piece of bad news.
Well, then, good news, sir.
What?
Your pants is on fire.
No one even thanks you for all the effort.
What do you mean "no thank yous"? What about all the presents, the cookies and the milk? This junk is not what Christmas is about.
Chococinos anyone?
Oh, yes. [Jack pulls out her chair; sits down]
Mmm, minty.
Doesn't it make you feel refresh?
Yes, it does! [drinks some more]
Oh my, I just love your hair.
You do?
Yeah, I do.
I love yours.
You do?
Yeah, I do. I've never seen anything like it.
Oh, you're so adorable. You divine little kitten you. [woofs flirtatiously; Sylvia giggles] I bet you can sing.
No, no, no, no, no.
Oh, come on, I bet you can sing.
Mmm, a little.
I knew it! I knew it! Sing something for me.
What do you want to hear?
How about [singing] chestnuts roasting on an open fire.
No, no. Go back to the other line, the one before the first one.
Ooh, it gives me the chills.
Oh, what a lyric! [Carol walks in]
Hey, guys, what's going on?
[excitedly]
Your mother is fabulous! [Sylvia playfully pinches his nose] Would you like to be my elf?
Huh?
You heard me.
Yeah, and…?
Elfficers! I have him! [to Jack] Jack, this isn't funny! Unfreeze the parents right now!
No way, Claus. I can't unfreeze them without unfreezing myself and that is something I'll never do.
Mother Nature, help me out. Can you thaw him out?
I'm sorry, Santa. My powers don't work on other legendary figures.
Isn't that a shame? [chuckles]
Do you think it'll work?
The question is you.
[Lucy looks at Scott, hands over the snow globe & walked to Frost]
OK. This is what you're reduced to. Sending a little girl in to save the day? What are you going to do, adorablise me? Sweet me into submission? Cute me to death? Make me change my [Lucy hugs him] WAYYYYY.... [starts heating up] Hey, I feel so strange. I feel so slushy inside. [purrs] Do I smell suntan lotion? I feel so tropical. Miguel, dos platos de nachos, por favor? What's happening to me?!
I'm warming your heart.
But they told me it couldn't be done.
But they didn't know about magical hugs.
[Everyone watches Jack Frost warming up as his appearance starts to change] [smiles]
I think I like it.
[Everyone looks as the ice starts to thaw off the Millers & causing them to be unfrozen]
Mom, Dad!
Laura Lucy!
Mom! Dad!
Group hug!
Laura Yes.
Mrs. Clause
[Everyone is proud and happy that Neil & Laura Miller are unfrozen; Scott & Carol kiss; reformed Jack Frost laughs and weeps happily in group hug.] [baby is about to be born]
Oh Scott, I think it's time.
Oh, about 10:00.
Mrs. Clause
No, I think it's time to deliver the package.
Midnight as usual.
Mrs. Clause
No, I think it's time to deliver the "package".
[looks down at Carol's abdomen, then suddenly raises his head and widens his eyes in slightly alarmed realization]
IT'S TIME TO DELIVER THE PACKAAAAAAAAAAAAGE!!
Yeah, put a chill on my bottom, will you?
[skips around the workshop, passes Santa's secret snow globe stash; notices Jack Frost emerging from it with Santa's snow globe in hand]
That's Uncle Scott's snow globe. You're not supposed to have it.
I know. Isn't it great?
It's not great at all. You've done a terrible thing. You'll be on the naughty list for the rest of your life.
But naughty list people have more fun.
I'm calling for help.
I wouldn't do that.
[walks back out to the workshop; calls out parents]
Mom! Dad! Over here! Quick! [Lucy's parents rush into Santa's secret snow globe stash not knowing Jack is behind the door, which he closes]
Lucy, what's wrong?
I told you not to do that.
Jack Frost took Uncle Scott's snow globe and he knows it's not his! [Jack blows his frost on parents; Lucy screams] Stop! Stop! No! [Jack stops blowing; parents are completely frozen] What did you do?!
I froze them! [inhales; pauses] Now am I going to have to the same thing to you, or are you going in that closet and not say a word? [Lucy unwillingly makes her choice, and walks into the closet with her frozen parents] Smart girl. Oh, smile, will ya? I've had kids beg me to freeze their parents. And to think I asked you to be my elf. [closes closet with Lucy and her parents in it]
Jack Frost, you are hereby charged with 273 counts of attempted upstaging of Santa Claus. You froze a volcano in Hawaii. You made it snow in the Amazon. And you frosted Mexico, sending all of the geese North for the winter. You have violated the Legendary Figures Code of Conduct in a manner that is both willful and malicious.
Excuse me... Did you just accuse me of being skillful and delicious.
Oh, please.
Guilty as charged.
Father Time Frost, you herald a season. You're not a holiday.
Tooth Fairy You're the best friend, not the leading man.
Easter Bunny And you kill fruit.
Mrs. Clause
And then the most magical thing of all is that I got to deliver just before Santa had to deliver.
Elves
[The crowd sees Scott's Baby Boy.]
So cute.
Make sure you get to the part about Santa changing a mean diaper.
Child Elf [The Elves laughed]
So who got to pick out the name?
Mrs. Clause
That was easy. We named him after his grandpa.
That's right. Say hello to... Buddy Claus.
Sandman [snoring]
Sandman!
Sandman [slams fist on table] [wakes up suddenly]
I'm up. I'm up.
I thought the idea was to give them the sleeping powder when we got them in the car.
Sandman I just couldn't listen to the Yosemite story again.
Everyone's just so petite.
No, Tom Cruise is petite, these guys are short! What's the deal?
Have you ever been to this part of Canada?
We got as far as Rochester in upstate New York to see Syliva's sister in '67, but no.
They can't help the way they look up here. It's a bit rude to make fun of an entire country, don't you think?