Oh, yes. [Jack pulls out her chair; sits down]
[handing her a cup]
I hope you like it. It's my special recipe [they both sip their cups].
Doesn't it make you feel refresh?
Yes, it does! [drinks some more]
Oh my, I just love your hair.
Yeah, I do. I've never seen anything like it.
Oh, you're so adorable. You divine little kitten you. [woofs flirtatiously; Sylvia giggles] I bet you can sing.
Oh, come on, I bet you can sing.
I knew it! I knew it! Sing something for me.
What do you want to hear?
How about [singing] chestnuts roasting on an open fire.
[singing]
Jack Frost nipping at your nose. [continues singing rest of the lyrics]
No, no. Go back to the other line, the one before the first one.
[singing]
Jack Frost nipping at your nose.
Ooh, it gives me the chills.
[singing]
Jack Frost nipping at your nose.
Oh, what a lyric! [Carol walks in]
Carol Hey, guys, what's going on?
[excitedly]
Your mother is fabulous! [Sylvia playfully pinches his nose] Would you like to be my elf?
Carol [First lines]
All right, class, if a reindeer leaves Elfsburg flying west at 20 miles per hour, and another reindeer flies east traveling at 50 miles per hour, how many hours does it take for them to be 210 miles apart? Anyone? Anyone? [one elf raises her hand] Trish.
T Trish
How come we can't learn the things we want to learn?
Carol Like what?
T Trish
Like, wasn't it weird when you married Santa, and had to move all the way up to the Pole and give up your old life, Mrs. Claus?
Carol Weirder than you can possibly imagine. But then something so gigantic happened that it changed Santa and me forever.
Carol [smiles]
Okay.
[Carol is being rushed down the hallway on a gurney]
BABY CLAUS IS ON THE WAY! Ladies, keep up! Please, hot water and hot ointments. You, think sugar plums. Do not panic! Do not panic! Curtis, the baby's coming!
Cocoa, the baby's coming!
C Cocoa
Mrs Claus, the baby's coming!
Carol I KNOW!!!
Carol [laughs]
Come here.
Carol Ready? Wait for the kick.
She's brilliant like her mother with rhythm like her dad.
Carol Yes. But, not amazing timing. I wish that the baby had come this afternoon, or last week like we thought. I'm going crazy. I mean, I'm really going crazy.
Uh, you need a diversion.
Carol No, no, Scott. No more gifts. You already gave me a birthstone necklace, oven mitts, the cheese wheel.
Well, this is not for you. This is for the baby. I'll be back in a jiff. Ho! Ho! Ho! [leaves the room and comes back through the fireplace. He holds a big bag and then pulls a much smaller one out of it. He then opens smaller bag, and a baby mobile magically appears]
Carol Oh, Scott! Oh, honey, it's beautiful! The baby's gonna love it.
Yeah. It spins around like this.
[Carol cries over her broken glass star tree topper]
Oh, honey.
[trying to comfort his wife]
Honey, I think maybe I can fix that. I know you're upset.
[sarcastically]
Oh, you picked up on that, did you?
Bud, what is that supposed to mean?
Well, maybe if you weren't working all the time, you would know.
Well, maybe you don't understand the pressure I'm under!
Well, maybe it's not as bad as being ripped away from your family and told you can't see them anymore!
Carol [in tears]
Dad.
Well, maybe that's why I invited you up here, Bud. So Carol can be surrounded by her family for love and support, while I try to do things you can't even imagine. But rather than try to make things work, it seems like you're trying to make things worse.
[decided]
That's it. We're leaving.
Carol [shocked]
What?
Maybe we shouldn't have come.
Maybe you're right. Maybe you shouldn't have come.
Carol [sadly]
Maybe I should never have come either.
[Scott gets frustrated] [rushes up to Scott]
Don't say anything, you'll regret. [Carol leaves to sit down] I think we all need to cool down for a second. Huh? [to Scott] Why don't you and I take a walk? Come on. Let's go. Let's just go. [leaves with Scott]
[comforting Carol]
Oh, sweetheart.
[Jack pulls out his present to Scott as they walk away]
It's over. I thought I had a second chance at having a family, but I blew it again.
Hey. There's no one I know who could possibly hold this all together but you.
But I didn't. My in-laws resent me, Christmas is a disaster, and my pregnant wife wishes that she never had met me.
You know, I-I was gonna wait until tomorrow to give you this, but, uh, heh, I-I think you need a bit of a pick-me-up now. [pulls up his present to Scott]
I don't feel like it, Jack.
Oh, come on. Go ahead, it'll make you feel better.
I don't feel like it, Jack.
Come on, you just open it, please.
[gives in]
Thanks. [takes the present]
So are there times when you wonder...
Worth it? [scoffs] More than you know.
[nods]
Tonight's one of these times, huh?
Wish I'd never put that red coat on.
So...you wish you'd never become Santa at all?
[scoffs]
I wish I'd never become Santa.
At all. At all. [opens his present] Yeah, at all. I wished I'd never been Santa at all. Happy? [notices he's holding his snow globe which starts to glow]
[smiles evilly]
I am now.
