Santa? Santa? Are you with us?
Oh, I'm-I'm sorry. Yes. Yes, I am.
Well, on behalf of Father Time, and the Council of Legendary Figures, I'd like to thank you for being such a gracious host.
Tooth Fairy Hear, hear.
Cupid Hear, hear.
And without further ado, let's convene the year-end holiday conference. [bangs gavel] Tooth Fairy.
Tooth Fairy Thank you, Mother Nature. Fellow Council members, I'd like to again propose a new name for myself.
Cupid Come on!
Tooth Fairy [everyone mumbles]
In the past, you have rejected Tooth Man, Tooth Guy and Tooth.
Cupid Because they stunk.
Tooth Fairy Today, I'd like to submit...Captain Floss...
Cupid Nice!
Tooth Fairy ...Plaque Man...
Tooth Fairy ...and Roy.
Cupid [laughs ironically]
Roy. No. No kid's gonna put a tooth under a pillow for a man named Roy.
Tooth Fairy This from someone in a diaper, and shoots arrows in people's butts.
Wait a minute. I got it. I got it. I got it. Now, how about this? The Moleinator.
Tooth Fairy The Moleinator. I like it. Thank you, Santa. Can we vote right now on The Moleinator? [raises his hand]
All in favor of a name change for Tooth Fairy? [Santa Claus and Tooth Fairy raise their hands] All right. And all opposed? [Mother Nature and Father time raise their hands, and Cupid raises his hand] Easter Bunny? [Easter Bunny flashes two thumbs down] Sandman?
S Sandman
[snorts]
What? What-What happened? Was I asleep again?
Name change for the Tooth Fairy; Yes or no?
All right. Next item on the agenda. Santa, status report.
OK. Well, first off, welcome you all to the North Pole. It's great to have you here. Uh, as you know, this is our big time of year, so things are busy as usual. There's a little speed bump in the road, uh, this year. Well, you all know Charlie.
Father Time Great kid.
Tooth Fairy Good teeth.
Well, Charlie... got himself on the naughty list.
Tooth Fairy [shocked]
What?
I'm struggling a little bit with the timing, 'cause it's-- I gotta be up here at the North Pole, and I've also got to try to take care of Charlie--
S Sandman
That's every parent's dilemma: How to balance work and children. Most people lose sleep over that than anything else.
Oh, tell me about it. I have 33,000 offspring. All in private school.
Well, to top it off, I have to get married by Christmas Eve.
Otherwise, I stop being Santa Claus.
The de-Santification process has already begun.
Wait a minute. [hops to Santa] You do look thinner, and... your beard is shorter! Am I right?
E Everyone
You're right. You're right.
Apparently, it's called the Mrs. Clause.
Don't mess with me, Santa. I'm Pre-El Niño.
No, I'm not messing with anybody. What I'm saying is, I have to find a wife in--
Father Time 27 days, 20 hours and 17 minutes.
Father Time It's what I do. [chuckles]
Wait a minute. Cupid. Cupid, come over here.
Cupid What do you need, pal?
Why don't you just shoot me with one of your darts, then I'll fall in love?
Cupid All right. First of all, they're not darts, they're arrows. Second of all, no can do.
Cupid 'Cause the arrows have no effect on us. Believe me, if they did, I would have shot myself, and met a nice girl. Left the business years ago, alright? Enough with the questions.
Y-You can't stop being Santa Claus.
I don't want to stop being Santa Claus.
Kids are 86% happier since you've taken the job.
Tooth Fairy He's absolutely right.
This is all I want to do. Well, what am I gonna do?
Father Time Well, you-- You can't be two places at once.
These fit yesterday, didn't they?
Abby Hot cocoa for you, Santa.
This is not a good time, Abby.
Abby I sent Dasher down for some Brazilian cocoa beans.
Abby [smiling]
What do you mean?
Whenever you play the designer bean card, generally, you have bad news. [Abby's smile fades, and he gives Santa the naughty-and-nice list] What are you doin' with the naughty-and-nice list?
Abby Just don't shoot the messenger. [Santa opens the naughty-and-nice list] It's... Charlie.
Sheen? I thought he straightened out?
Abby Not that Charlie.
My Charlie? My son, Charlie? He's on the naughty list?
P Puppets
[shocked]
AAAAAAH! [they hide]
This is-- There's gotta be a mistake.
Abby We don't make mistakes. I'm sorry, Santa. Please excuse me.
How could this happen? Is this what you were trying to tell me?
Great! You told him! Good! Let's get you dressed for that meeting.
I can't have the meeting here. I'm gonna have to see Charlie.
Number two, tell him now.
Tell me what, guys? Come on. Come clean now.
Yeah, and that would be me.
No, I mean there's another Santa clause.
Curtis, in case you haven't noticed, this time of year, the malls are filled with other "Santa Clauses".
Yes, but there's another Santa clause. There was a first clause, but also a second clause.
P Puppets
Get on with it!
When the last Santa Claus fell off your roof and you put on his coat, you found this.
Right. "He who wears the coat takes on the responsibilities of Santa Claus..." Something like that, and of course, the rest would be history, right?
But it seems our number two elf, the keeper of the handbook, overlooked the single most important detail in the history of Christmas!
Wow. One mistake in 900 years.
I can't see anything. [Bernard flips a big magnifying glass up] I see. Good, good, good. I see it. Okay. Well, uh, "The card holder acknowledges a woman of his choosing. True Love... Not valid in," uh, "state of Utah. Holy...Matrimony"?! I gotta get married!
Yes, It's...the Mrs. Clause.
[the puppets hum "The Wedding March".]
What if I don't want to get married? [he starts getting thinner]
Oh, dear. The de-Santification process has begun!
The de-Santification? Are you telling me that clause says if I don't get married... I don't get to be Santa any more? [worried] Wh-- What about the kids? W-- What about the elves? What a-- What about you guys?
It's not completely hopeless, sir. You still have time to find a wife.
Right. Well, how much time do I have, Curtis?
28 days. So I've gotta find a wife by Christmas.
No! You can't think that way! Please, don't give up hope. 'Cause if you do... then we have to. [the puppets sigh sadly. Suddenly, Santa's beard shrinks, and the puppets shout in shock.] [surprised] Whoa.
Christmas is getting very complicated.
[Comet grunts about the lights not being straight.]
What do you mean it's not straight? [Comet grunts] Sure it's straight.
Comet [grunting]
Uh-uh.
Maybe your head's crooked. [Comet grunts in protest.] You know, Prancer's not this picky.
Comet [grunting]
Yes, he is.
Lucy Hi, Comet!
Comet [grunting; happily]
Hi!
Lucy [Scott shushes Comet silently]
I've got something for you.
Hey, Lucy, what have you got there? [Lucy unwraps out a Christmas-themed Crunch Bar] Oh, you gotta be careful with the sweets: He tends to overeat.
Lucy Uncle Scott, are you Santa Claus?
What? Why would you ask me something like that?
Lucy 'Cause you have a reindeer, and only Santa has reindeer.
Nonsense. A lot of people have reindeer.
Lucy Name five.
Well... most of them live in Finland, but I can't pronounce their names. [Comet stares at Scott] Besides, reindeer are too stupid to make good pets. [Comet scowls at Scott]
Lucy Well, I think you're very smart. [Comet licks her, and she giggles]