Santa? Santa? Are you with us?
Oh, I'm-I'm sorry. Yes. Yes, I am.
Well, on behalf of Father Time, and the Council of Legendary Figures, I'd like to thank you for being such a gracious host.
Hear, hear.
What a lovely place.
Hear, hear.
And without further ado, let's convene the year-end holiday conference. [bangs gavel] Tooth Fairy.
Thank you, Mother Nature. Fellow Council members, I'd like to again propose a new name for myself.
Oh, please!
Come on!
Good heavens!
[everyone mumbles]
In the past, you have rejected Tooth Man, Tooth Guy and Tooth.
Because they stunk.
Today, I'd like to submit...Captain Floss...
Nice!
...Plaque Man...
D'oh!
...and Roy.
[laughs ironically]
Roy. No. No kid's gonna put a tooth under a pillow for a man named Roy.
This from someone in a diaper, and shoots arrows in people's butts.
Wait a minute. I got it. I got it. I got it. Now, how about this? The Moleinator.
The Moleinator. I like it. Thank you, Santa. Can we vote right now on The Moleinator? [raises his hand]
All in favor of a name change for Tooth Fairy? [Santa Claus and Tooth Fairy raise their hands] All right. And all opposed? [Mother Nature and Father time raise their hands, and Cupid raises his hand] Easter Bunny? [Easter Bunny flashes two thumbs down] Sandman?
[snorts]
What? What-What happened? Was I asleep again?
Name change for the Tooth Fairy; Yes or no?
No. I'm sorry.
All right. Next item on the agenda. Santa, status report.
OK. Well, first off, welcome you all to the North Pole. It's great to have you here. Uh, as you know, this is our big time of year, so things are busy as usual. There's a little speed bump in the road, uh, this year. Well, you all know Charlie.
Oh! I love Charlie.
Great kid.
Good boy.
Sweet kid.
Good teeth.
Well, Charlie... got himself on the naughty list.
[shocked]
What?
I'm struggling a little bit with the timing, 'cause it's-- I gotta be up here at the North Pole, and I've also got to try to take care of Charlie--
That's every parent's dilemma: How to balance work and children. Most people lose sleep over that than anything else.
Oh, tell me about it. I have 33,000 offspring. All in private school.
Well, to top it off, I have to get married by Christmas Eve.
Hmm?
Otherwise, I stop being Santa Claus.
What?!
No!
The de-Santification process has already begun.
Wait a minute. [hops to Santa] You do look thinner, and... your beard is shorter! Am I right?
You're right. You're right.
Apparently, it's called the Mrs. Clause.
Don't mess with me, Santa. I'm Pre-El Niño.
No, I'm not messing with anybody. What I'm saying is, I have to find a wife in--
27 days, 20 hours and 17 minutes.
Wow.
It's what I do. [chuckles]
Wait a minute. Cupid. Cupid, come over here.
What do you need, pal?
Why don't you just shoot me with one of your darts, then I'll fall in love?
All right. First of all, they're not darts, they're arrows. Second of all, no can do.
Why not?
'Cause the arrows have no effect on us. Believe me, if they did, I would have shot myself, and met a nice girl. Left the business years ago, alright? Enough with the questions.
Y-You can't stop being Santa Claus.
I don't want to stop being Santa Claus.
Kids are 86% happier since you've taken the job.
He's absolutely right.
This is all I want to do. Well, what am I gonna do?
Well, you-- You can't be two places at once.
