Theodore Roosevelt, 26th President of these United States of America, at your service.
Okay, I'm Larry Daley, the new night guard...
Pleasure to meet you, Lawrence Daley! Now, if you excuse me, [**** shotgun] the hunt's afoot.
Larry Daley
Ben Stiller · 23 quotes
Ahkmenrah
Rami Malek · 13 quotes
Jedediah
Owen Wilson · 12 quotes
Teddy Roosevelt
12 quotes
Cecil Fredericks
Dick Van Dyke · 7 quotes
Octavius
Steve Coogan · 7 quotes
Gus
Mickey Rooney · 5 quotes
Dr. McPhee
Ricky Gervais · 4 quotes
Moai
3 quotes
Most scenes together: Larry Daley & Ahkmenrah (10), Larry Daley & Jedediah (4), Larry Daley & Teddy Roosevelt (4)
Night at the Museum quotes
Page 2 of 4Good Lord, Lawrence! Why are you slapping a monkey?!
Teddy, this guy has been pushing me, and pushing me and I am sick of it!
[At almost sunrise, as Teddy returns to his position and poses, Larry is confused and looks at Teddy posing on his position. When...]
BOO!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Yeah. You got me.
[Teddy returns to his pose, Larry walks away, when...] [pops up from his pocket, aiming his gun]
YAHHHHHHHH!!! Say hello to your little friend! [Larry picks him up] Hey!
What are you doing?
Put me down! I don't like to be manhandled!
Just calm down, Jed.
It doesn't feel good! It makes me feel small and powerless.
You done?
I'm gonna shoot you in your dang eye. In your dadgum eye. [grunts, his gun clicks]
Yeah, keep shootin'. Nothing is gonna happen.
[Larry jumps out from being a wall and screams, scaring the other guards]
We're too old for surprises.
Really? I thought you liked surprises! Especially the fact that everything in the museum comes to life at night! That little sweetheart.
Larry, we wanted to tell you but you never would've believed us.
Do you have any idea what I've been through tonight?
What?
I said, "Do you have any idea what I've been through tonight", Gus!
Keep a lid on it, butterscotch!
Stop babbling, boy!
Actually, I never did any of those things. Teddy Roosevelt did. I was manufactured in a mannequin factory in Pounkeepsie. I never shot a wild beast. I'm not even brave enough to tell that beautiful woman (Sakajewea) I love her. But you (Larry)...you gotta finish the job this time. You can't quit. I'm made of wax, Larry. What are you made of?
Are you cracking wise?
Come to work with me tonight. You won't be disappointed.
Control your young!
Do the Mayans look happy to you?
Everything in this museum comes to life at night. It's freakin' awesome!
Fetch? Play fetch?
Good lord, Lawrence, why are you slapping a monkey?
He says he wants to rip you apart.
It's a big no-can-do, crackerjack!