D Dennis
What I object to is you automatically treatin' me like an inferior.
D Dennis
Oh, king, eh? Very nice. And how'd you get that, then? By exploiting the workers! By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society! If there's ever going to be any progress--
D Dennis
We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as sort-of-executive officer for the week--
D Dennis
But all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special biweekly meeting--
D Dennis
By a simple majority, in the case of purely internal affairs--
[getting bored]
Be quiet.
D Dennis
But by a two thirds majority, in the case of more major--
Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
DM Dennis' Mother
Order, eh? Who does he think he is?
DM Dennis' Mother
Well I didn't vote for you.
You don't vote for kings!
DM Dennis' Mother
How'd you become king, then?
The Lady of the Lake, [Angel chorus begins singing in background] her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. [Angel chorus ends] That is why I am your king!
D Dennis
Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
D Dennis
You can't expect to wield supreme power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
D Dennis
I mean, if I went 'round saying I was an emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!
Shut up! Will you shut up?! [Grabs Dennis and shakes him]
D Dennis
Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system!
D Dennis
Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I'm being repressed!
Man, sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?
D Dennis
I'm 37. I'm not old.
Well I can't just call you "man".
D Dennis
Well you could say "Dennis".
I didn't know you were called Dennis.
D Dennis
Well you didn't bother to find out, did you?
I did say sorry about the "old woman", but from behind you looked...
D Dennis
What I object to is you automatically treat me like an inferior.
D Dennis
Oh, king eh? Very nice. And how'd you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers. By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society. If there's ever gonna be any progress...
PW Peasant Woman
Dennis! There's some lovely filth down here... Oh! How do you do?
[Dennis joins the Peasant Woman in the nearby filth patch]
How do you do, good lady? I am Arthur, king of the Britons. Whose castle is that?
PW Peasant Woman
King of the who?
PW Peasant Woman
Who're the "Britons"?
Well, we all are. We're all Britons, and I am your king.
PW Peasant Woman
Didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective.
D Dennis
You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship! A self-perpetuating autocracy, in which the working classes...
PW Peasant Woman
Oh, there you go, bringing class into it again.
D Dennis
Well, that's what it's all about! If only people would--
Please, please, good people, I am in haste. Who lives in that castle?
PW Peasant Woman
No one lives there.
PW Peasant Woman
We don't have a lord.
D Dennis
I told you, we're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as sort of executive officer for the week...
D Dennis
...but all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting...
D Dennis
...by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs...
D Dennis
...but by a two thirds majority in the case of more...
Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
PW Peasant Woman
"Order", eh? Who does he think he is?
PW Peasant Woman
Well, I didn't vote for you.
You don't vote for kings.
PW Peasant Woman
Well, how'd you become king, then?
[An angelic choir begins...]
The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. [singing stops] That is why I am your king.
D Dennis
Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
D Dennis
You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
D Dennis
I mean, if I went around saying I was an emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!
[grabs Dennis]
Shut up! Will you shut up?!
D Dennis
Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system!
D Dennis
Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help, I'm being repressed!
D Dennis
Ooh, what a giveaway! Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That's what I'm on about! Did you see him repressing me? You saw it, didn't you?
Bedevere How do you know she is a witch?
P Peasant
She looks like one.
Bedevere [Crowd indistinctly shouts]
Bring her forward!
Bedevere But you are dressed as one...
G Girl
They dressed me up like this. [Crowd murmurs]
G Girl
And this isn't my nose. This is a false one.
Bedevere [inspects the nose and confirms]
Well?
P Peasant
Well, we did do the nose.
Bedevere The nose?
P Peasant
And the hat. She's a witch!
PC Peasant Crowd
Burn her!
Bedevere Did you dress her up like this?
PC Peasant Crowd
No, no, no! [beat] Yes, yes. A bit. But she's got a wart.
Bedevere What makes you think she is a witch?
P Peasant
Well, she turned me into a newt!
Bedevere [Bedevere gives him a disbelieving look]
A newt?
P Peasant
[Silence]
I got better.
PC Peasant Crowd
Burn her anyway!
