James Van Der Beek quotes from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001)

Hey, wait a second! Aren't you the guy who **** the pie!

You see! It's never "Hey! You're that guy from Loser" or "Hey you rocked in Boys and Girls." No, it always comes back to that **** pie! I'm HAUNTED by it!

You put your dick in a pie!

You've got the wrong guys! Doesn't anyone watch the WB?

I'm a teen idol, dammit! Don't you recognize me? Look at me. I'm the pie ****er.

Yeah, well. In prison, he'll be the pie.

No. I, I love gay people.

Yeah, I'll bet you do.

No, I'm fine with gay...

Oh, look at the monkey.

Now you're gonna tell me the monkey's gay.

Well, how do you know he doesn't smoke monkey pole?

You actually watch that show?

Yeah, for Joey, man. She is too fine. Did you ever get to 3rd base with her?

Well, actually there was this one time...

You're doubling me, obviously. I play Bluntman, aka Silent Bill.

Bob.

Right. And he's playing Chronic, aka Ray.

Jay. ****, Biggs, did you even READ the script?

There's a script?

Listen, Potzer!

There's a script for this movie?

You wouldn't last A DAY on the Creek. A day.

**** you and your Dawson's Crap! Go to hell, Pacey! Go to hell!

At least call me by the right **** character.

Hey, wait a second! Aren't you that guy that **** the pie?

See, man? [takes his fake beard and fake mustache off] You see, it's never... It's never "Hey! Hey, you were in Loser, weren't ya?" or "Dude, you rocked in Boys and Girls." No, it always comes back to that **** pie. [throws them and his Silent Bob hat and wig to the ground] HAUNTED by it!

You put your dick in a pie?

Enough! [sighs] Jason Biggs.

Yo, man. Did you really get the third base with that Russian chick like in the movie?

You mean Shannen? No.

Man, she is **** fine. If I was you, I would've been like... [does some masturbation] Ooh. [softly] Just like that. Like that? [to Jason Biggs and James Van Der Beek] What, you never did one of these? [pretends he's hugging and kissing] Wait, wait.

Done plenty of that, my friend.

Holy shit, you're the Dawson!

James, actually. James Van Der Beek.