Nick quotes from Horrible Bosses 2 (2014)

View Quote (Nick, Kurt and Dale are attempting to sneak into Rex's house)
Dale: Wait. Shit. What if he's in there?
Kurt: Oh, yeah. How do we make sure he's not?
Nick: (sarcastically) I don't know. Why don't you guys ring the doorbell while you're hot?
Kurt: (taking sarcasm seriously) I love it. Smart.
Nick: No. Don't. Don't, Kurt!
(Kurt rings the doorbell, which rings 7 notes from Badfinger's "No Matter What"; Dale and Nick run and take cover)
Dale: Oh, shit! Are you kidding?!
Kurt: You know, it's pretty dark in there. I don't think anybody's here.
(rings doorbell a second time)
Nick: Don't...don't hit it again!
Kurt: You hear that?
Dale: I know that song.
Kurt: Huh? What is that?
Kurt: It's a song, right? Is it... (singing) No matter what you do...
Nick: No, no.
Dale and Kurt: (singing) I will always be with you...
Dale: Who sings that?
Kurt: Badfinger.
Dale and Kurt: (singing) Doesn't matter what you do girl...
Nick: (whispers) Quiet!
Dale and Kurt: (singing, ignoring Nick) Ooh, girl with you...
Nick: You nailed it.
Dale and Kurt: (singing loudly, still ignoring Nick) Knock on this old gray wall!
Nick: (whispering loudly) Shut the **** up!!

View Quote (after waking up out of Rex's closet, only to find him gone)
Kurt: Will you look at this **** view during the daytime? You kidding me? Unbelievable!
Nick: He seems gone. Bed's made.
Kurt: I can't believe this.
Dale: We should maybe just check (yelling) HEY! REX!
Nick: Hey.
Dale: REX! REX!
Nick: Dale!
Dale: Huh?
Nick: Did you have a plan if he responded?
Dale: I didn't think that far ahead.
Nick: Of course you didn't.
Kurt: I would have been just quieter.
Nick: You're even dumber in the mornings.
(the following is seen in the extended version only)
Kurt: What are you worried about?
Nick: Let's go.
Dale: Fifty-fifty chance, you know. Fifty-fifty chance he was here.

View Quote (Nick is attempting to call Bert on a dark phone that Kurt seemingly left on the bench for him to await instructions, however a cell phone rings in Kurt's pocket, he gets it out)
Dale: Hey, what's that? Who's calling you?
Kurt: I don't know. It's blocked.
Nick: (realizes Kurt has the dark phone) Oh, no.
Kurt: (answers phone) Hello.
Nick: (right behind Kurt) Hi.
Kurt: (does not know that it is Nick) Who is this?
Nick: It's me, dickless! (angrily slams phone to the ground)
Kurt: Hey, what are you doing? You're supposed to call the dark phone.
Nick: I did! You've got it in your hand. You were supposed to tape that under the bench.

View Quote (after finding out that Kurt left Bert his own phone instead of the dark phone on the bench)
Kurt: Oh...
Dale: Oh, shit! So, what phone does he have?!
Nick: Bert has Kurt's phone, with our contact information on it.
Dale: (starts to hit Kurt) And all the pictures of us from when we used to be friends? Are you kidding me?!
Kurt: Easy, easy, easy. Knock it off! Okay, look, this is no big deal, all right? We'll just punt. We'll do it tomorrow. All right? I mean, as long as we don't call the phone, he'll never find it.
Nick: He found it.
Kurt: What? How? We are screwed. Shit!
Dale: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! I got an idea. I got an idea.
(theatrical version)
Dale: Okay, call your phone. If he's talking on it, he's not gonna look through it and see all the contacts.
Kurt: That's a great idea. Great idea. Here we go. Here we go. Okay. All right. Ahem.
(extended version)
Dale: Okay, I'm gonna call that phone. If he's talking on it, he's not gonna look through it.
Kurt: Yes! Call my phone! Call my number. Good.
Dale: All right. All right. What's your number? What's your number?
Kurt: You don't know my phone number?!
Dale: I don't know my phone number.
Kurt: Well, I don't know it. I never call myself.
Nick: I know both of your numbers. Area code 323...
Kurt: That's all I need. That's all I need.
Dale: He just has to do that. Uh, 69 and...
Kurt: I got there. I got there. Here we go. Here we go. Okay. All right. Ahem.

View Quote Nick: Guys, I'm not gonna kidnap someone based on 9 to 5.
Dean 'MF' Jones: That's because you're Jane Fonda.
Kurt: Ooh, snap.
Dale: That's right, you're the scaredy-cat one. You're always the last to man up about everything. You're dragging your feet.
(the following is seen in the extended version only)
Dale: What--why are you here if you're not gonna participate?
Nick: First of all, if anyone, I'm the smart one. I'm Lily Tomlin. But I'm not having this conversation
Kurt: Honky, please, I'm Lily **** Tomlin, if anybody is. Sitting in the big chair, giving David O. Russell shit.
Dale: Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's got the 'tude. He's got the 'tude. You're Fonda, man.
Kurt: You're Jane Fonda. That makes you Jane Fonda.
Nick: (to Dale) That makes you Dolly Parton.
Kurt: Ooh.
Dale: Great. Woman's got her own theme park. She's a national treasure.
Kurt: She has two national treasures.
(end of extended version)
Dean 'MF' Jones: Can I pose a question to you colonizers?
Nick: Happened a long time ago.
Dean 'MF' Jones: How do you kidnap somebody without them knowing they've been kidnapped?

View Quote Nick: Are you guys shitting me in there?
Dale: Well, I mean, his dad sold him out for, like...honestly, it was probably nothing to him.
Kurt: Pennies to him.
Dale: The guy's so rich.
Kurt: That would rock me to my core. I mean, have a little empathy, Nick. Please?
Dale: Yeah.
(the following is seen in the extended version only)
Dale: You know what's going on? You're holding a grudge right now.
Nick: Oh, am I?
Kurt: Yes, you do. You're a grudge holder. You do.
Dale: (simultaneously) Yes, you do that. You get all tight, and then you're going to get cancer doing that.
Kurt: You got to let the past be the past.
Nick: I don't want that.
Dale: Let the past be the past.
Kurt: Just let it...let it roll off you.
Nick: (simultaneously) Yeah. The past? We're not in the **** past. We're in the goddamn present. And you guys are...
(end of extended version)
Nick: What are you talking about? You're acting like you have Stockholm Syndrome.
Dale: What is that?
Kurt: Like, jet lag?
Nick: No.
Dale: Dude, do I look tired to you?
Nick: You don't, no.
Kurt: You don't look tired to me.
Dale: I'm fine.
Nick: Stockholm Syndrome's when you bond with your captors, idiots.
Kurt: Oh, okay. Well then, hold on a second. He's the hostage. So, technically, this would be reverse Stockholm Syndrome.
Nick: Yes, true.
Dale: Yeah, and we don't have that. Okay? He's just a really, really, really, really, really likable guy. I like him a lot.
Kurt: He's really likable.
Dale: He's cool. The guy's a winner.
Kurt: That's so true.
Dale: It's so nice to be around a winner for a change.
Kurt: Oh, it feels right Nick! Come on, man.
Nick: Here's what we're gonna do, we're gonna go in there. We're gonna tell him cops were never a part of this plan, and the shit ends now. Let's do it.
(theatrical version)
Nick: Come on!
(extended version)
Kurt: Okay. But you got to hear us out about festering.
Dale: I mean, it's like you can't have a conversation with the guy.

View Quote (while waiting for the train to pass by)
Dale: Hey can I hop out and piss really quick?
Nick: No you cannot. We're in a car chase.
Dale: Super long train. I feel like I could get it done.
Kurt: It is a lot of freight.
(later while they are still waiting for the train to pass by)
Dale: I feel like I could've pissed by now.
Nick: Let him go. Open the door. Get him out.
Dean 'MF' Jones: Caboose coming.
Dale: Ah, shit!
(car chase resumes)

View Quote (after Dale gets Dora the Explorer walkie-talkies)
Nick: I call lookout, and I will let you know when I see Swiper.