Mark
[singing]
If you can't decide between a little breakfast and lunch, why don't you microwave yourself a little bowl of brunch?
Played by Jason Bateman 
Juno (2007) · 99 quotes
Juno (2007) · 99 quotes
Scenes with Mark
7 scenes Mark
Mac
And this, of course, is Juno.
Mark
Like the city in Alaska.
Juno
No.
Mark
No? [pause] Shall we sit down and get to know one another?
Vanessa
Oh, I thought I would get some drinks. What would anyone like? I have Pellegrino, or Vitamin Water or Orange Juice or...
Juno
I'll have a Maker's Mark. Up.
Mac
She's kidding. Junebug has a wonderful sense of humor. Just one of her many genetic gifts.
Juno
Can't we just like kick this old school? You know, like I stick the baby in a basket, send it your way, like Moses and the reeds?
Mark
Technically, that would be kicking it Old Testament.
Juno
So have you and Vanessa thought of a name for the baby yet?
Mark
Well, sort of. Vanessa likes Madison for a girl.
Juno
[aghast]
Madison? Isn't that kind of... I don't know, gay?
Juno
My dad had this weird obsession with Roman or Greek mythology or something and he decided to name me after Zeus' wife.
Mark
Zeus' wife?
Juno
Yeah and I mean Zeus had tons of lays but I'm pretty sure Juno was his only wife. And apparently she was supposed to be super beautiful but really mean...kind of like Diana Ross.
Mark
Vanessa gave me my own room for all my stuff.
Juno
She gave you your own room in...in your whole house? For your...for your stuff? Wow, she's got you on a long leash, Mark.
Mark
[dancing with Juno]
I'm leaving Vanessa.
Juno
[pulls away from him]
What?!
Mark
I'm getting a place in the city. I've got it all planned. This is something I've been wanting to do for a long time.
Juno
No!
Mark
No?
Juno
No! You definitely... can't do that. That's one big, fat sack of no!
Mark
What is the matter?
Juno
I mean, [touching her belly] you guys are supposed to take care of this, ya know?!
Mark
I thought you'd be cool with this.
Juno
Cool!? I want things to be perfect! I don't want them to be shitty and broken like everyone else's family.
Mark
...
Juno
Look, I'll have the baby and Vanessa's gonna be so happy. You just-
Mark
A baby's not gonna fix everything, I don't even know if I'm ready to be a father.
Juno
But you're old!
Mark
[scoffs]
...How do you think of me? You know, why are you over here?
Juno
...I-I just like being a piece of furniture in your weird life.
Mark
This. This is what my life has become. I mean, ya know, I got stuff in boxes. I'm, I'm underground. That's appealing to you?
Juno
This is my fault.
Mark
No.
Juno
Is Vanessa, like, mad at you because of me or something?
Mark
It's got nothing to do with it. Vanessa and I aren't in love anymore.
Juno
[getting emotional]
Well, you were in love when you married her! And if you're in love once, you can be in love again like my friend Leah, who's been with the same guy, like, four different times. You're just not trying hard enough!
Mark
I'm such an idiot. I can't believe what an idiot I am.
Juno
No, you know what, Mark? Do not divorce your wife. Will you please just do me a solid and stay with Vanessa?
Mark
...You're so young.
Juno
I'm not that young, okay? I'm sixteen! Alright, I'm old enough to know when someone's acting like a total a-hole. [turns to leave] Oh, and you know what? I bought another Sonic Youth album and it sucks! It's just noise! [storms out]
