Josh Parker quotes from Office Christmas Party (2016) ... Movie Quotes Database

Played by Jason Bateman

Office Christmas Party (2016) · 15 quotes

Tied for most-quoted character in Office Christmas Party (2016): in 4 of its 15 quotes
Most scenes with: Mary (2)

A line from Josh Parker [to the Russian thug whom Carol has pinned against the pool table]

You do not want to die at the hands of Lululemon here. It'd be real embarrassing. You're a large guy, and she's made of nothing but salad and Smartwater.

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Scenes with Josh Parker

3 scenes

Jeremy

Mary just **** cited me! Okay? I thought this was a party. If I want to dick tap Alan, I'm gonna dick tap Alan. That's a timeless gag! Never not funny!

Josh

[tries to shoo him away]

Okay, off you go.

Jeremy

She is like a poisonous **** cloud of shit gas, like, just seeping into everybody's good time. Every word she says makes my **** hemorrhoids throb! I want that on the record!

Josh

It is.

Walter Davis

[Jeremy leaves]

He's in customer service?

Josh

Yeah. He's much better on the phone.

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Josh

Mary, why do you even have a minivan? You don't have kids.

Mary

I buy in bulk!

Josh Parker

Can this thing handle snow?

Mary

Oh, please. It's a Kia. It's what God would drive.

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Mary

[grabs Josh's arm to stop him from leaving the mini-van]

Because I don't know what's gonna happen in there. Last year, I filed a sexual harassment complaint against myself.

Josh

Against yourself. Mmm-hmm.

Mary

Andrew, in the copy room, he was changing the toner. And I pretended to drop something on the ground so that I could bend over and graze his butt with my nose. And I did.

Josh

That doesn't seem that bad.

Mary

And then I said, "If you don't **** me, buster, I will ruin you."

Josh Parker

Hmm. That's harassment.

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