You know why I did it Star-Munch? Hmm?
I'm not gonna answer to "Star-Munch."
I did it because I wanted to.
What are we even talking about this for? We just had a little man save us by blowing up fifty ships!
Well, I don't know, like this? (he holds his fingers about an inch apart)
A little one-inch man saved us?
Well, if he got closer, I’m sure he would be much larger.
Yeah, that’s how eyesight works, you stupid raccoon.
[enraged]
DON'T CALL ME A RACCOON!
I’m sorry, I took it too far. I meant Trash Panda.
[Genuinely curious]
Is that better?
[chuckling]
It’s worse. It’s so much worse.
YOU SON OF A--! [furiously lunges at Quill]
[About Yondu]
He didn't chase them away.
[On Yondu's former Ravager teammates]
Even though he yelled at them, he was always mean, and stole batteries he didn't need. [Bows head in shame]
[Looks down at Rocket]
Well, of course not.
[Gamora looks up at him, who looks back down at her curiously]
What?
It's just…some unspoken thing.
[Quill gives her a small and smug "I told you so" smirk. She wraps her arm around his waist as he wraps his arm around her shoulders]
It's beautiful.
It is. And so are you: on the inside.
[Walking Groot through atomic bomb detonation]
Alright, first you flip this switch, then this switch. That activates it. Then you push this button, which will give you 5 minutes to get outta there. [Groot stares blankly] Now, whatever you do, don't push this button. (Why?) Because that'll set off the bomb immediately, and we'll all be dead. Now, repeat back what I just said.
I am Groot. [Translating; "I flip the first switch."]
I am Groot. [Translating; "Then the second one."]
[Points to the death button]
I am Groot. [Translating; "And then... this button, right?"]
No! No, that's the button that will kill everyone! Try again.
Hmm. I am Groot. [Translating; "I do the first switch."]
I am Groot. [Translating; "Then the second."]
[Points at the death button… again]
I am Groot. [Translating; "Then... this button?"]
No! That's exactly what you just said! How's that even possible? Which button is the one you're supposed to push? Point to it. [Groot points at death button... once again] No!
[From skylight]
Hey, you're making him nervous!
Shut up, and give me some tape! Does anyone have any tape out there? I wanna put some tape over the death button.
I don't have any tape. Lemme check. [Jetpacks away] Yo, Yondu! Do you have any- Ow! Do you have any tape? [Groans in pain] Gamora, do you have any tape? Tape! Oh, never mind. Sorry. Ow! Drax, do you have any tape? Yes, Scotch tape would work. Then why would you ask me if Scotch tape would work, if you don't have any?! [Reappears] Nobody has any tape!
Not a single person has tape?!
I asked Yondu, and she was standing right next to him!
You have priceless batteries and an atomic bomb in your bag! If anybody's gonna have tape, it's you!
That's exactly my point! I have to do everything!
You are wasting a lot of time here!
[As Groot grabs the bomb and runs to Ego's core]
We're all gonna die.
T Taserface
It's time for the Ravagers to rise once again to glory, with a new captain: TASERFACE!!!
[He and the mutinous Ravagers cheer, but stop when they hear Rocket laughing]
I-I-I'm sorry, I'm-... Your name is... it's Taserface?
T Taserface
That's right.
Do you... shoot tasers outta your face?
T Taserface
[extravagantly]
IT'S METAPHORICAL!
R Ravagers
[cheer enthusiastically]
[genuinely curious]
For what?
T Taserface
For... It is a name...what strikes fear into the hearts of anyone what hears it!
R Ravagers
[half-hearted sounds of agreement]
Uhh, okay. Whatever you say.
T Taserface
[pulls out his knife]
You shut up. You're next. [Taserface turns and puts his knife to Yondu's throat] Udonta, I have waited a long time to-
T Taserface
[irritated]
WHAT?!
[trying to suppress his laughter]
I'm sorry! I am so sorry! I just keep imagining you waking up in the morning, sir, looking in the mirror, and in all seriousness saying to yourself, [gruff voice] "Y'know what would be a REALLY kickass name?! TASERFACE!!!" [normal] That's how I hear you in my head! What was your second choice?! "SCROTUMHAT?!"
T Taserface
[Everyone breaks out laughing, much to Taserface’s annoyance] [puts his knife to Rocket's throat]
New plan: we're killing you first!
Well, dying is certainly better than having to live an entire life as a moronic shitbag who thinks "Taserface" is a cool name!
Stakar. It's been some time.
[Disdainfully]
It seems like this establishment is the wrong kind of disreputable. [He and his crew start to leave]
Innkeeper's Wife: Sir!
There’s a hundred Ravager factions. You lost the business of 99 of them by serving one.
Innkeeper's Wife: Please, sir. Please!
[Pushing her away]
Get away from me.
[Shouting after him]
YOU CAN GO TO HELL, THEN! I don't give a damn what you think of me!
So what are you following us for?!
Because you're gonna listen to what I gotta say!
I don't gotta listen to nothing! You betrayed the code! Ravagers don't deal in kids!
I told you before! I didn't know what was going on!
You didn't know 'cause you didn't want to know, 'cause it made you rich!
[Desperately]
I demand a seat at the table! I wear these flames, same as you!
You may dress like us, but you'll never hear the hordes of freedom when you die, Yondu, and the colours of Ogord will never flash over your grave. [In a quieter, more sad tone] If you think I take pleasure in exiling you, you're wrong. You broke all our hearts.
[To Groot]
Pst! Hey, twig! Come'ere!
Oh, man, what did they do to you?
Hey, you want to help us get out of here? [Groot nods] There's something I need you to get, and bring back to me. In the Captain's quarters, there's a prototype fin. The thing I wore on my head. There's a drawer next to the bunk. It's in that. It's red. You got it?
[Groot nods and runs off excitedly. He returns with Yondu's underwear]
That's my underwear.
Yeah, I was pretty sure he didn't know what you were talking about. You have to explain it more carefully.
[Sighs]
It's a prototype fin.
[Groot returns with a squirming Orloni]
That's an Orloni. It's a fin, Groot!
[Sighs]
You explain it this time.
[Groot returns again with Vorker's prosthetic eye]
That's Vorker's eye. He takes it out when he sleeps. Go, look again.
[Trying not to laugh]
He's gonna wake up tomorrow, and he's not gonna know where his EYE IS!
[Groot returns again dragging a giant metal desk]
That's a desk. We told you it was this big!
[Groot returns, holding a severed human toe]
... Tell me you guys have a refrigerator somewhere with a bunch of severed human toes. [Yondu shakes his head] Okay, then let's just agree never to discuss this.
[Hands Groot his ravager badge]
The drawer you want to open has this symbol on it, alright?
[Groot slowly puts the badge on his head]
WHAT?! NO!
He thinks you want him to wear it as a hat.
He's relieved you don't want him to.
On anyone, not just himself.
One minute, you think someone has a weird shaped head, and then the next minute, it's just because you realize part of that head is the hat! [To Groot] That's why you don't like hats?! [Groot nods]
This is an important conversation right now?
[After doing 700 jumps through hyperspace to reach Ego]
WHAT THE HELL YOU DOING, BOY?!
I could tell by how you talked about him this Ego's bad news! We’re here to save Quill!
For what? Huh?! For honor? For love?
No! I don’t care about those things! I wanna save Quill so I can prove I'm better than him! I can lord this over him forever!
[Yondu laughs in response]
What are you laughing at me for?
You can fool yourself and everyone else, but you can't fool me. I know who you are.
You don't know anything about me, loser!
I know everything about you. I know you play like you're the meanest and the hardest, but actually, you're the most scared of all.
I know you steal batteries you don't need, and you push away anyone who's willing to put up with you, 'cause just a little bit of love reminds you of how big and empty that hole inside you actually is.
I know them scientists what made you, never gave a rat's ass about you!
Just like my own damn parents, who sold me, their own little baby, into slavery! I know who you are, boy! Because you're me.
...What kind of a pair are we?
The kind that's about to go fight a planet, I reckon.
All right, okay! Good, that's-- Wait. Fight a what?
M Martinex
[At Yondu's funeral]
He didn't let us down after all, Captain?
No, he did not, son. He did not.
C2 Charlie-27
Fare thee well, old friend.
AO Aleta Ogord
Yondu Odonta, I will see you in the stars.
[Gamora grabs Mantis by the neck and slams her against a wall]
Hey!
Who are you people?! What is this place?!
The bodies in the caverns, who are they?!
You are scared. [Gamora lets go of Mantis's neck]
I call it the Expansion. It is my purpose. And now it’s yours as well.
Over thousands of years I implanted thousands of extensions of myself on thousands of worlds. I need to fulfill life’s one true purpose… to grow and spread…covering all that exists… until everything is… me.
[reacting with Mantis' powers]
What did she do to me?
She already told me everything.
I only had one problem. A single Celestial doesn’t have enough power for such an enterprise. But two Celestials… well, now, that just might do.
The bodies… are his children.
Out of all my labors… the most beguiling was…attempting to graft my DNA with that of another species. I hoped the result of such a coupling would be enough…to power the Expansion. I had Yondu deliver some of them to me. It broke the Ravager code, but I compensated him generously… and to ease his conscience, I said I’d never hurt them. I mean, that was true. They never felt a thing. But one after the other, they failed me. Not one of them carried the Celestial genes. Until you, Peter. Out of all my spawn… only you carried the connection to the light.
We need to find Peter now and get off this damn planet.
Ego will have won him to his side by now. He has a way of -
All any of you do is yell at each other. You’re not friends.
You’re right. We’re family. We leave no one behind. [To Nebula] Except maybe you.
For the first time in my existence... I am truly NOT ALONE! [Turns to see Peter looking doubtful] What is it, son?
Now, well, you see, that's the mortal in you, Peter.
We are beyond such things.
But my mother... you said you loved my mother.
And that I did. My River Lily, who knew all the words to every song that came over the radio. I returned to Earth to see her three times, and I knew if I returned a fourth, well... I'd never leave. The Expansion... the reason for my very existence would be over, so I did what I had to do. But... it broke my heart to put that tumor in her head.
[Outraged, shaking off Ego's influence]
What?!
Now, now, all right, I know that sounds bad--
[Quill repeatedly shoots Ego's avatar with his Quad Blasters, leaving several holes] [Reforming]
Who... in the HELL do you think you are?!
I tried so hard to find the form... [Changes into David Hasselhoff] ...that best suited you, and this is the thanks I get?! [Changes back] You really need to grow up! [Pierces Quill with a tendril of energy] I wanted to do this together, but I suppose you'll have to learn by spending the next thousand years as a BATTERY!
[Mid-credits scene 1: After Yondu's funeral, Stakar Ogord and some of his old friends from the Ravagers reunite]
You know, it's a shame that it took the tragedy of losing Yondu to bring us all together again. But I think he would be proud knowing that we're back as a team.
M Mainframe
I missed you guys so much!
AO Aleta Ogord
Hell. Yes.
[Another Ravager, Krugarr, fabricates 2 thumbs up]
What say we go steal some shit?
C Chambermaid
[Mid-credits scene 2ː Ayesha is in her chamber, viewing her creation, when her chambermaid walks in]
High Priestess, the Council is waiting.
A Ayesha
They are perturbed I’ve wasted our resources. When they see what I have created here… their wrath will dissipate.
C Chambermaid
It’s a new type of birthing pod, ma’am?
A Ayesha
That, my child… is the next step in our evolution. More powerful, more beautiful… more capable of destroying the Guardians of the Galaxy. [We see an advanced birth pod] I think I shall call him... Adam.
[Mid-credits scene 3ː Quill walks into Groot's room, who is playing a video game, and sees that vines are all over the place]
Ugh, dude. Seriously? You gotta clean up your room. It’s a complete mess.
I am not boring. You’re boring. You know what’s boring? Sitting there, playing that mind-numbing game. What’s boring is me tripping over your vines every day! I’m not boring!
And now I know how Yondu felt.
WI Watcher Informant
[Post-credits scene: The Watchers listen to their informant, only to walk away]
Hey, fellas. Wait, where are you going? You were supposed to be my lift home. How will I get out of here? Hey! Aw, gee… I’ve got so many more stories to tell. Aw, guys. Oh, gee…
