A Ayesha
We thank you, Guardians, for putting your lives on the line. We could not risk the lives of our own Sovereign citizens. Every citizen is born exactly as designed by the community. Impeccable: Both physically and mentally. We control the DNA of our progeny germinating them in birthing pods.
Well, I guess I prefer to make people the old-fashioned way.
A Ayesha
Perhaps someday, you could give me a history lesson in the archaic ways of our ancestors. For academic purposes.
I would be honored, yes. In the name of research, I think that could be pretty…repulsive. I'm not into that kind of casual.
Oh, please. Your people promised something in exchange for our services. Bring it, and we shall gladly be on our way.
[The Sovereign guards bring a hooded figure into the courtroom. They pull back the hood to reveal Nebula]
Family reunion. Yaaaay.
A Ayesha
I understand that she is your sister?
She's worth no more to me than the bounty due for her on Xandar.
A Ayesha
Our soldiers apprehended her attempting to steal the batteries. Do with her as you please.
We thank you, High Priestess Ayesha.
A Ayesha
What's your heritage, Mr. Quill?
A Ayesha
And your father?
He ain't from Missouri. That's all I know.
A Ayesha
I see it within you. An unorthodox genealogy. A hybrid that seems particularly…reckless.
You know, they told me you people were conceited douchebags. But that isn't true at all! [Rocket flashes a wink at Quill. Sovereign guards gasp and one of them aims his weapon at Rocket] Oh, shit, I'm using my wrong eye again, aren't I? [Drax pulls him up from his scruff] I'm sorry, that was meant to be behind your back.
Drax [Putting Rocket down]
Count yourself blessed they didn't kill you.
You're tellin' me. [Shows Drax his stolen Anulax batteries] You wanna buy some batteries? [Drax laughs]
Quill, when you go to bed tonight there's gonna be something squishy in your pillowcase and you're gonna be like "What's this?" and it's gonna be because I put a turd in there!
You put your turd in my bed, I shave you.
Oh, it won't be my turd, it'll be Drax's!
Drax [Laughs]
I have famously huge turds!
You know why I did it Star-Munch? Hmm?
I'm not gonna answer to "Star-Munch."
I did it because I wanted to.
What are we even talking about this for? We just had a little man save us by blowing up fifty ships!
Drax How little?
Well, I don't know, like this? (he holds his fingers about an inch apart)
A little one-inch man saved us?
Well, if he got closer, I’m sure he would be much larger.
Yeah, that’s how eyesight works, you stupid raccoon.
[enraged]
DON'T CALL ME A RACCOON!
I’m sorry, I took it too far. I meant Trash Panda.
[Genuinely curious]
Is that better?
Drax I don’t know.
[chuckling]
It’s worse. It’s so much worse.
YOU SON OF A--! [furiously lunges at Quill]
I hired Yondu to pick you up after your mother passed away. But instead of returning you, Yondu kept you. I have no clue as to why.
I'll tell ya why: I was a skinny little kid who could slip into places adults couldn't, made it easier for thieving.
Well, I've been trying to track you down ever since.
Drax I thought Yondu was your father.
What? You're trying to tell me that this whole time you thought Yondu was my actual blood relative?
Drax [Mouthful]
You look exactly alike!
No, he's not my father! Yondu was the guy who abducted me, kicked the crap out of me so I could learn to fight and kept me in terror by threatening to eat me.
Well, even where I reside, out past the edge of what's known, we've heard tell about the man they call "Star-Lord." What say we head out there right now? Your associates are welcome. Even that triangle-faced monkey (Rocket) there.
Hey, can I ask you a personal question?
[Shocked]
No! No one has ever asked me a personal question!
Your antennae, what are they for?
Drax Yes. Quill and I have a bet.
Dude, you're not supposed to say that…
Drax I say: if you are about to go through a doorway that is too low, your antenna will feel this and keep you from being decapitated.
Right. And, if it's anything other than specifically being decapitated by a doorway, I win.
They are not for feeling doorways! [Drax groans, and Quill pulls a victory fist] I think they have something to do with my emphatic abilities.
If I touch someone, I can feel their feelings.
No. Telepaths know thoughts. Empaths feel feelings, emotions. May I?
[Touches Quill's hand]
You feel…love!
Yeah, I guess I feel a general, unselfish love for just about everybody around me…
No. Romantic, sexual love.
For her! [Points at Gamora]
[Beat as Gamora and Drax both stare at Quill] [Drax bursts into uproariously loud laughter]
Okay. That's--
Drax She just told everyone your deepest, darkest secret!
Dude, come on, I think you're overreacting a little bit.
Drax You must be so embarrassed! [To Mantis] Do me! Do me, do me!
[Touches Drax's chest and immediately starts laughing with him]
I have never felt such humor!
Welcome everyone, to my world.
Wow, you have your own planet?
Come on, no larger than your Earth Moon.
Drax Humility. I like it. I, too, am extraordinarily humble.
Over millions of years, I learned to control the molecules around me. I grew smarter and stronger, and I continued building from there, layer by layer, the very planet you walk on now. But I wanted more. I desired meaning. There must be some life out there in the universe. Besides me, I thought. So, I set myself the task of finding it. I created what I thought biological life to be like, down to the most minute detail.
Drax Did you make a penis?
Drax If he's a planet, how could he make a baby with your mother? He would smush her!
I don't need to hear how my parents, uh…
Drax Why? My father would tell the story of him impregnating my mother every winter solstice.
Drax [Affronted]
It was beautiful! You Earthers have hang-ups.
Yes, Drax, I got a penis.
Drax Ha! Thank you.
Drax [Drax interestingly stares at Ego's groin]
Ahhh.
[Quill and Gamora look beyond grossed out]
[Shaking Drax awake]
Drax, Drax. Drax! Drax! We need to talk!
Drax I'm sorry. But I like a woman with some meat on her bones.
Drax [With complete sincerity]
I tried to let you down easily by telling you that you were disgusting.
No, that's not what I… [Drax starts retching] What are you doing?
Drax Ugh, I'm imagining…being with you physically.
Drax, I don't like you like that. I don't even mate with the type of thing you are.
Drax Hey! There's no need to get personal.
Listen! Ego has gotten exactly what he wanted. I should have told you earlier. I am stupid! You are in danger!
Drax [Gamora grabs Mantis by the neck and slams her against a wall]
Hey!
Who are you people?! What is this place?!
Drax Gamora, let her go!
The bodies in the caverns, who are they?!
You are scared. [Gamora lets go of Mantis's neck]
I call it the Expansion. It is my purpose. And now it’s yours as well.
Over thousands of years I implanted thousands of extensions of myself on thousands of worlds. I need to fulfill life’s one true purpose… to grow and spread…covering all that exists… until everything is… me.
[reacting with Mantis' powers]
What did she do to me?
Drax She already told me everything.
I only had one problem. A single Celestial doesn’t have enough power for such an enterprise. But two Celestials… well, now, that just might do.
The bodies… are his children.
Out of all my labors… the most beguiling was…attempting to graft my DNA with that of another species. I hoped the result of such a coupling would be enough…to power the Expansion. I had Yondu deliver some of them to me. It broke the Ravager code, but I compensated him generously… and to ease his conscience, I said I’d never hurt them. I mean, that was true. They never felt a thing. But one after the other, they failed me. Not one of them carried the Celestial genes. Until you, Peter. Out of all my spawn… only you carried the connection to the light.
We need to find Peter now and get off this damn planet.
Ego will have won him to his side by now. He has a way of -
All any of you do is yell at each other. You’re not friends.
Drax You’re right. We’re family. We leave no one behind. [To Nebula] Except maybe you.
For the first time in my existence... I am truly NOT ALONE! [Turns to see Peter looking doubtful] What is it, son?
Now, well, you see, that's the mortal in you, Peter.
We are beyond such things.
But my mother... you said you loved my mother.
And that I did. My River Lily, who knew all the words to every song that came over the radio. I returned to Earth to see her three times, and I knew if I returned a fourth, well... I'd never leave. The Expansion... the reason for my very existence would be over, so I did what I had to do. But... it broke my heart to put that tumor in her head.
[Outraged, shaking off Ego's influence]
What?!
Now, now, all right, I know that sounds bad--
[Quill repeatedly shoots Ego's avatar with his Quad Blasters, leaving several holes] [Reforming]
Who... in the HELL do you think you are?!
I tried so hard to find the form... [Changes into David Hasselhoff] ...that best suited you, and this is the thanks I get?! [Changes back] You really need to grow up! [Pierces Quill with a tendril of energy] I wanted to do this together, but I suppose you'll have to learn by spending the next thousand years as a BATTERY!
[About Yondu]
He didn't chase them away.
[On Yondu's former Ravager teammates]
Even though he yelled at them, he was always mean, and stole batteries he didn't need. [Bows head in shame]
[Looks down at Rocket]
Well, of course not.
[Gamora looks up at him, who looks back down at her curiously]
What?
It's just…some unspoken thing.
[Quill gives her a small and smug "I told you so" smirk. She wraps her arm around his waist as he wraps his arm around her shoulders]
It's beautiful.
Drax It is. And so are you: on the inside.
