Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017) quotes

View Quote Ayesha: We thank you, Guardians, for putting your lives on the line. We could not risk the lives of our own Sovereign citizens. Every citizen is born exactly as designed by the community. Impeccable: Both physically and mentally. We control the DNA of our progeny germinating them in birthing pods.
Quill: Well, I guess I prefer to make people the old-fashioned way.
Ayesha: Perhaps someday, you could give me a history lesson in the archaic ways of our ancestors. For academic purposes.
Quill: I would be honored, yes. In the name of research, I think that could be pretty…repulsive. I'm not into that kind of casual.
Gamora: Oh, please. Your people promised something in exchange for our services. Bring it, and we shall gladly be on our way.
[The Sovereign guards bring a hooded figure into the courtroom. They pull back the hood to reveal Nebula]
Quill: Family reunion. Yaaaay.
Ayesha: I understand that she is your sister?
Gamora: She's worth no more to me than the bounty due for her on Xandar.
Ayesha: Our soldiers apprehended her attempting to steal the batteries. Do with her as you please.
Quill: We thank you, High Priestess Ayesha.
Ayesha: What's your heritage, Mr. Quill?
Quill: My mother is from Earth.
Ayesha: And your father?
Quill: He ain't from Missouri. That's all I know.
Ayesha: I see it within you. An unorthodox genealogy. A hybrid that seems particularly…reckless.
Rocket: You know, they told me you people were conceited douchebags. But that isn't true at all! [Rocket flashes a wink at Quill. Sovereign guards gasp and one of them aims his weapon at Rocket] Oh, shit, I'm using my wrong eye again, aren't I? [Drax pulls him up from his scruff] I'm sorry, that was meant to be behind your back.
Drax: [Putting Rocket down] Count yourself blessed they didn't kill you.
Rocket: You're tellin' me. [Shows Drax his stolen Anulax batteries] You wanna buy some batteries? [Drax laughs]

View Quote Ego: Death will remain a stranger to both of us, as long as the light burns within the planet.
Quill: I'm immortal?
Ego: Mmhmm.
Quill: Really?
Ego: Yes! As long as the light exists.
Quill: Like, I could use the light to build cool things, like how you made this whole planet?
Ego: Well, it might take a few million years of practice before you get really good at it. But yes!
Quill: What? Well, get ready for a eight hundred-foot statue of Pac-Man with Skeletor and Heather Locklear…
Ego: Whatever you want.
Quill: I'm gonna make some weird shit.

View Quote Ego: I hired Yondu to pick you up after your mother passed away. But instead of returning you, Yondu kept you. I have no clue as to why.
Quill: I'll tell ya why: I was a skinny little kid who could slip into places adults couldn't, made it easier for thieving.
Ego: Well, I've been trying to track you down ever since.
Drax: I thought Yondu was your father.
Quill: What? You're trying to tell me that this whole time you thought Yondu was my actual blood relative?
Drax: [Mouthful] You look exactly alike!
Rocket: One's blue!
Quill: No, he's not my father! Yondu was the guy who abducted me, kicked the crap out of me so I could learn to fight and kept me in terror by threatening to eat me.
Ego: Eat you?!
Quill: Yeah!
Ego: Oh, that son of a bitch!
Gamora: How'd you locate us now?
Ego: Well, even where I reside, out past the edge of what's known, we've heard tell about the man they call "Star-Lord." What say we head out there right now? Your associates are welcome. Even that triangle-faced monkey (Rocket) there.

View Quote Ego: Over millions of years, I learned to control the molecules around me. I grew smarter and stronger, and I continued building from there, layer by layer, the very planet you walk on now. But I wanted more. I desired meaning. There must be some life out there in the universe. Besides me, I thought. So, I set myself the task of finding it. I created what I thought biological life to be like, down to the most minute detail.
Drax: Did you make a penis?
Quill: Dude!
Gamora: What is wrong with you?
Drax: If he's a planet, how could he make a baby with your mother? He would smush her!
Quill: I don't need to hear how my parents, uh…
Drax: Why? My father would tell the story of him impregnating my mother every winter solstice.
Quill: That's disgusting.
Drax: [Affronted] It was beautiful! You Earthers have hang-ups.
Ego: Yes, Drax, I got a penis.
Drax: Ha! Thank you.
Ego: And it's not half-bad.
[Drax interestingly stares at Ego's groin]
Drax: Ahhh.
[Quill and Gamora look beyond grossed out]

View Quote Ego: Welcome everyone, to my world.
Quill: Wow, you have your own planet?
Ego: Come on, no larger than your Earth Moon.
Drax: Humility. I like it. I, too, am extraordinarily humble.

View Quote Gamora: Nebula, I was a child like you, trying to live day by day, not knowing or understanding what that meant to you. There are many other girls out there, like us. You can stay with us, and help them.
Nebula: I will help them, by killing Thanos.
Gamora: I don't know if that's possible.
[Nebula goes to leave, only for Gamora to stop her from doing so. Nebula gets ready to fight, only to stop once she realizes that's not what Gamora's trying to do]
Gamora: You will always be my sister.
[Gamora embraces Nebula in a hug. She stiffens up at first, then eventually hugs Gamora back, before finally departing]

View Quote Gamora: [After saving Nebula, only to be a stranglehold] Are you kidding me?!
Nebula: [Fights Gamora and chokes her while holding out the Godslayer, but ultimately doesn't kill her] I win. I win. I bested you in combat.
Gamora: No. I saved your life.
Nebula: Well, you were stupid enough to let me live.
Gamora: You let me live.
Nebula: I don't need you always trying to beat me!
Gamora: I'm not the one who just flew across the universe, just because I wanted to win.
Nebula: Do not tell me what I want.
Gamora: I don't need to tell you what you want, it's obvious!
Nebula: You're the one who wanted to win, and I just wanted a sister! You were all I had. But you were the one who needed to win. Thanos pulled my eye from my head, and my brain from my skull, and my arm from my body. Because of you.

View Quote Mantis: [Shaking Drax awake] Drax, Drax. Drax! Drax! We need to talk!
Drax: I'm sorry. But I like a woman with some meat on her bones.
Mantis: [Confused] What?
Drax: [With complete sincerity] I tried to let you down easily by telling you that you were disgusting.
Mantis: No, that's not what I… [Drax starts retching] What are you doing?
Drax: Ugh, I'm imagining…being with you physically.
Mantis: Drax, I don't like you like that. I don't even mate with the type of thing you are.
Drax: Hey! There's no need to get personal.
Mantis: Listen! Ego has gotten exactly what he wanted. I should have told you earlier. I am stupid! You are in danger!

View Quote Quill: Give me a break! After all this time, you're gonna show up, and all of a sudden you wanna be my dad?
Gamora: I hear you.
Quill: And by the way, this could be a trap. The Kree purists, the Ravagers, they all want us dead.
Gamora: I know, but…
Quill: But what?
Gamora: What was that story you once told me about Zardu Hasselfrau?
Quill: Who?
Gamora: He owned a magic boat?
Quill: [Long pause] David Hasselhoff? Not a magic boat. A talking car.
Gamora: Why did he talk again?
Quill: To help him fight crime, and to be supportive!
Gamora: As a child, you would carry his picture in your pocket and you would tell all the other children that he was your father, but that he was out of town on business.

View Quote Quill: Hey, can I ask you a personal question?
Mantis: [Shocked] No! No one has ever asked me a personal question!
Quill: Your antennae, what are they for?
Mantis: Their purpose?
Drax: Yes. Quill and I have a bet.
Quill: Dude, you're not supposed to say that…
Drax: I say: if you are about to go through a doorway that is too low, your antenna will feel this and keep you from being decapitated.
Quill: Right. And, if it's anything other than specifically being decapitated by a doorway, I win.
Mantis: They are not for feeling doorways! [Drax groans, and Quill pulls a victory fist] I think they have something to do with my emphatic abilities.
Gamora: What are those?
Mantis: If I touch someone, I can feel their feelings.
Quill: You read minds?
Mantis: No. Telepaths know thoughts. Empaths feel feelings, emotions. May I?
Quill: Alright.
Mantis: [Touches Quill's hand] You feel…love!
Quill: Yeah, I guess I feel a general, unselfish love for just about everybody around me…
Mantis: No. Romantic, sexual love.
Quill: No. No, I don't.
Mantis: For her! [Points at Gamora]
Quill: Nooo, that is not....
[Beat as Gamora and Drax both stare at Quill]
Quill: [Drax bursts into uproariously loud laughter] Okay. That's--
Drax: She just told everyone your deepest, darkest secret!
Quill: Dude, come on, I think you're overreacting a little bit.
Drax: You must be so embarrassed! [To Mantis] Do me! Do me, do me!
Mantis: [Touches Drax's chest and immediately starts laughing with him] I have never felt such humor!
Quill: So unbelievably uncool.

View Quote Quill: So, I guess this could all be mine someday.
Gamora: Rocket? Rocket, are you there? [No call, but static on a caller, while she tries to get better signal, Quill touches her] What are you doing, Peter?
Quill: Dance with me.
Gamora: I'm not going to dance with you.
Quill: This is Sam Cooke, one of the greatest earth singers of all time. [They are dancing] Drax thinks you're not a dancer.
Gamora: If you ever tell anyone about this, I will kill you.
Quill: When are we gonna do something about this unspoken thing between us?
Gamora: What unspoken thing?
Quill: This Cheers, Sam and Diane, a guy and a girl on a TV show who dig each other, but never say it because if they do, the ratings would go down sort of thing.
Gamora: There's no unspoken thing.
Quill: Well, it's a catch-22 because if you said it, then it would be spoken and you would be a liar. So, by not saying it you are telling the truth and admitting that there is.
Gamora: No, that's not what I… [They stop dancing] What we should be discussing right now is something about this place. It doesn't feel right.
Quill: What are you talking about? You're the one who wanted me to come here!
Gamora: That girl Mantis; she's afraid of something.
Quill: Why are you trying to take this away from me?
Gamora: I'm not trying.
Quill: He's my father. He's blood.
Gamora: You have blood on Earth and you never wanted to return there.
Quill: Again, you made me come here! And Earth is the place where my mother died right in front of me.
Gamora: No, it's because that place is real, and this is a fantasy.
Quill: This is real! I'm only half-human, remember?
Gamora: That's the half I'm worried about.
Quill: Oh, I get it. You're jealous because I'm part-god, and you like when I'm the weak one.
Gamora: You were insufferable to begin with. I haven't been able to reach Rocket. I'm gonna go outside and I'm gonna try and get a signal.
Quill: You know what? This is not Cheers after all! This is whatever the show is where one person is willing to open themselves up to new possibility, and the other person is a jerk who doesn't trust anybody! It's a show that doesn't exist! That's why it would get zero ratings!
Gamora: I don't know what Cheers is!
Quill: I finally found my family. Don't you understand that?
Gamora: I thought you already had. [Leaves]

View Quote Quill: This is weird. We have a Sovereign fleet approaching from the rear.
Gamora: Why would they do that?
Drax: Probably because Rocket stole some of their batteries.
Rocket: Dude!
Drax: [Awkwardly] Right... He didn't steal some of those. I don't know why they're after us. What a mystery this is. [The Sovereign fleet open fire]
Quill: What were you thinking?!
Rocket: Dude, they were really easy to steal.
Gamora: That's your defense?

View Quote Quill: [Yondu floats in the air hanging on his arrow] You look like Mary Poppins!
Yondu: Is he cool?
Quill: [Grins] Hell, yeah, he was cool.
Yondu: I'm Mary Poppins, y'all!

View Quote Rocket: No offense, but your employees are a bunch of jerks.
Yondu: [quietly, ashamed] I was a Kree battle slave for twenty years when Stakar freed me. He offered me a place with the Ravagers. Said all I needed to do was adhere to the code. But I was young, and greedy, and stupid. Like you stealing those batteries.
Rocket: That was mostly Drax.
Yondu: Me and Stakar, and the other captains... we weren't so different from you and your friends. The only family I ever had. When I broke the code... they exiled me. This is what I deserve.
Rocket: Slow down, drama queen. You might deserve this, but I don't. We gotta get out of here.
Yondu: Where's Quill?
Rocket: Eh, he went off with his old man.
Yondu: [looking concerned] Ego?
Rocket: Yeah. It's a day for dumbass names.
[Yondu chuckles]
Rocket: You're smiling! And for a second, I got a warm feeling, but then it was ruined by those disgusting-ass teeth.
Yondu: You like a professional asshole, or what?
Rocket: Pretty much a pro. Why didn't you deliver Quill to Ego, like you promised?
Yondu: He was skinny. Could fit into places we couldn't. Good for thievin'.
Rocket: [not particularly convinced] Uh-huh?
Yondu: I have a plan to get out of here. But we're gonna need your little friend.

View Quote Rocket: Quill, when you go to bed tonight there's gonna be something squishy in your pillowcase and you're gonna be like "What's this?" and it's gonna be because I put a turd in there!
Quill: You put your turd in my bed, I shave you.
Rocket: Oh, it won't be my turd, it'll be Drax's!
Drax: [Laughs] I have famously huge turds!