Most scenes together: Tripp & Paula (8), Paula & Kit (8), Tripp & Demo (6)
I'm Paula.
I'm Tripp.
You know, usually I don't sleep with someone on the first date.
I don't think this counts as a first date.
It would be a date if you asked me to have a drink tonight.
You wanna have a drink tonight?
Can't. [pause] How about lunch tomorrow?
I'm so glad you're here. [about her dog] Can I have a minute alone with him? [Tripp leaves. To the Vet] Emotional crisis day is so critical. I cry, he cries. It totally bonds us. So how long do you think he's going to sleep for?
Look, many young men who should be able to move out, simply can't. It's called "failure to launch". And that's where I come in. Young men develop self-esteem best during a romantic relationship, so I simulate one. We have a memorable meeting. We get to know each other over a few casual meals, he helps me through an emotional crisis, then I meet his friends, if he has any... Then I let him teach me something... But the bottom line is, he bonds with me. He lets go of you. He moves out.
But how do you make sure that he'll fall in love with you?
You like nice, you find out what they like, and then you pretend to like it, too.
That is pretty much how it works.
What about?
Al, I never have sex with a client. Besides, I need to keep Tripp motivated, and let's face it, after men have...
Is there anything that we need to do?
Well, for starters, you could make life a little more difficult for him. You know, more chores, more responsibilities, that kind of thing.
I just think you should know that Tripp has had some rough breaks.
I promise you, when this is over, Tripp is going to be an independant, self-sufficient adult.
So do it. Buy a crummy old boat. Who cares, as long as you're out there.
Tripp: Well, I'm working on it. Thing is, you gotta be ready. I mean, it's a big commitment. And if you're not ready, you just end up, well, a lonely guy with a big boat payment.
Who says you have to be lonely?
So, you live with your parents?
Is that a problem?
No. Not for me.
The tall one just got fired from Kinko's.
And your bathroom needs cleaning, so I left the stuff in the hall. And when you're done with the rubber gloves, just remember to turn them inside out. Bye.
Something's wrong with your mom.
I don't know what to tell you, honey, but that strict program of yours?
Mmm-mmm...
You're gonna have to start deviating. He's breaking up with you.
What?
The only reason he ever brings girls home to meet us is 'cause he's getting ready to dump them.
Really? Well, that's not happening.
Well, hey there, Ace. Glad you could make it, man. We thought you went home.
He's not a child, Tripp. Look how peaceful he is.
Come here, little boy. You want a little bit of chocolate, baby-boo-boo?
You're giving him a Power Bar?
Everybody loves chocolate. Baby-boo-boo?
Tripp, he's saying no.
Look into my eyes.
He's saying no, Tripp.
Baby-boo-boo? [chipmunk bites Tripp's hand] Aaow!
Do you have real feelings?
Of course I have real feelings!
For what?
For you! And believe me I did not want that because I had a good life before you. Well, not good... but... it was okay. Well... it was empty actually, but at least I was blissfully unaware of how miserable I was. Where as now... because of you... I am acutely aware of how completely and totally unhappy I am. Thank you for that.
Dude, did you just drop me from a forty foot cliff? I mean, you want to talk about a friend, man. You went behind my back, and blackmailed your way into getting your girlfriend.
He's right.
I'm sorry I dropped you from a cliff.
It's okay.
Granted, he used you, but not out of malice. Look at him. How many chances is he gonna get? He saw a chance for love, Tripp, and he took it. Which is exactly what we wanted for you.
Am I getting advice from my two loser buddies who still live at home?
Actually, I own my home.
What?
No, you don't.
I bought it a couple of years ago from my Mom. That way, she has a place to live and I don't get nailed on the inheritance tax.
Smart.
Wow.
And Demo, here, has chosen the life of a wanderer. I mean, sure, he technically still lives at home.
Yeah.
But his permanent address is in his heart. He's a bum.
I think what we're trying to say is that the two of us are happy, and we're perfectly functional.
And you, Tripp, are not.
Hey, Pop?
Hey! Tripp. What are you doing here?
Just came by to get some stuff. What are you doing?
Feeding my fish.
Yeah. I see that. You're naked. In my room.
Well, this is my Room. I mean, it's my house. A man ought to be able to do whatever he wants to do in his own house. Wore a suit for forty years.
So now we got forty years of...
No suit.
No suit. Alright. I'm gonna let you get back to feeding your fish.
I do sleep well at night.
On a twin bed, with Superman sheets that you've had since you were six.
As opposed to you, who sleeps in a King-sized bed in your mother's basement.
It's orthopedic, and I need it.
