Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie (2017) quotes, page 2
60 total quotesMelvin Sneedly – Jordan Peele
Mr. Krupp / Captain Underpants – Ed Helms
Professor Poopypants – Nick Kroll
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Krupp: OH, WHERE IS THE RESPECT?!?! I AM YOUR PRINCIPAL!!!!!! [George: Wait, is he Krupp again?] GEORGE!!!!!!!! [Harold: Yup. I'm pretty sure he is.] HAROLD!!!!!!!! [Harold: How did that even happen?]
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Krupp: Ever since you've attended this elementary school, you've been responsible for one prank after another.
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Krupp: For four long years, you two have been disrupting the carefully calibrated, drone-like beehive, that this elementary school is supposed to be. I may not be able to prove it yet. I am going to get you two, one day. One day, very, very soon.
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Krupp: Get out of my office. NOW!!!
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Krupp: I’ve told you two a thousand times not to draw these idiotic comics!
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Krupp: In my office, NOW!!!!!!
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Krupp: This morning is school sign is supposed to read "Sewage Plant Field Trips are Today". So can either of you explain why it now reads... [pulls up the blinds revealing the school sign] "COME SEE MY HAIRY ARMPITS”?
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Krupp: Uh. OH! How did this?! [Sees the children was doing awful things on the carnival] I don’t understand.
Balloon Girl: HELP!
Krupp: [shocked] What the?! [gets angry] You! [angrily stares at George and Harold and lands with his parachute] You...
George: [in horror] Aaah! [he snaps his finger to turn Mr. Krupp into Captain Underpants, but it is not working because of the rain.]
Krupp: [enraged] You two... your friendship… is... NO MORE!
Balloon Girl: HELP!
Krupp: [shocked] What the?! [gets angry] You! [angrily stares at George and Harold and lands with his parachute] You...
George: [in horror] Aaah! [he snaps his finger to turn Mr. Krupp into Captain Underpants, but it is not working because of the rain.]
Krupp: [enraged] You two... your friendship… is... NO MORE!
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Krupp: Why am I soaking wet?!
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Krupp: You boys are in big trouble! [stuttering] I-I-I-I do not know how big yet, b-but I– [falls into a lawn chair] AH! WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING?! Where are my clothes?! WHERE ARE THEY?!
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Krupp: You two... your friendship is... NO MORE.
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Professor Poopypants: [after catching George and Harold for creating a comic about him; to Captain Underpants] Ah, there you are. I've been looking all over for you.
Captain Underpants: [adds many A’s to the school sign as part of his catchphrase] How many A's are there in "Tra-la-laa"?
Professor Poopypants: What?
Captain Underpants: I'll just go with 11. Enjoying your first day, Professor?
Professor Poopypants: The complete opposite, actually! Look at what these little monsters have created! [gives the comic book to Captain Underpants] We must lock them up, probably like, forever!
Captain Underpants: [examines the comic book] Hmm... Oh, my. This is not a comic! This… is a history book.
Professor Poopypants: [takes back the comic book] What?
[George and Harold chuckle from behind.]
Captain Underpants: And as such, it should be taught in every classroom. And you, yourself, must teach it. Because that is how good it is.
Professor Poopypants: I don't understand. I thought, like, we'd be on the same page here.
Captain Underpants: Oh, what page is that? I'm on page 9 here. It's fantastic. Look. It's about this evil science teacher, who looks a lot like you, by the way, and he wants to rid the world of laughter, but he couldn't figure out how to do it. Even worse, it seems like everywhere he went, people were having fun and laughing. It was just infuriating! But then, he discovers someone who wasn't. [as Anti-Humor Boy] I don't get it! Why is it funny? [in his normal voice] ANTI-HUMOR BOY! And then the professor said... [as Professor Poopypants] Very interesting. [in his normal voice again] That's my voice for him.
Professor Poopypants: Wait, wait, wait, gimme that. [snatches the comic] That's not Anti-Humor Boy. That's the... suck-up from class. Very interesting. [laughs, to George and Harold] You boys don't even realize it but your silly comic book just helped me figure out how to wipe out laughter on the entire...
[The same car from earlier hits Poopypants.]
Driver 1: Out of the road, bozo!
Professor Poopypants: HEY, WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING! You just hit Professor Poopypants!
Driver 1: [hears his name] Poopypants? [laughs and drives away]
Professor Poopypants: That's not funny! THAT'S NOT FUNNY! [gets hit by another car]
Driver 2: EVER HEARD OF A SIDEWALK?!
Professor Poopypants: Oooh, if I had insurance, you'd be in...OW! [finally gets hit by an ice cream truck, his glasses fall off and onto the road] I'll admit that was surprising.
Captain Underpants: [adds many A’s to the school sign as part of his catchphrase] How many A's are there in "Tra-la-laa"?
Professor Poopypants: What?
Captain Underpants: I'll just go with 11. Enjoying your first day, Professor?
Professor Poopypants: The complete opposite, actually! Look at what these little monsters have created! [gives the comic book to Captain Underpants] We must lock them up, probably like, forever!
Captain Underpants: [examines the comic book] Hmm... Oh, my. This is not a comic! This… is a history book.
Professor Poopypants: [takes back the comic book] What?
[George and Harold chuckle from behind.]
Captain Underpants: And as such, it should be taught in every classroom. And you, yourself, must teach it. Because that is how good it is.
Professor Poopypants: I don't understand. I thought, like, we'd be on the same page here.
Captain Underpants: Oh, what page is that? I'm on page 9 here. It's fantastic. Look. It's about this evil science teacher, who looks a lot like you, by the way, and he wants to rid the world of laughter, but he couldn't figure out how to do it. Even worse, it seems like everywhere he went, people were having fun and laughing. It was just infuriating! But then, he discovers someone who wasn't. [as Anti-Humor Boy] I don't get it! Why is it funny? [in his normal voice] ANTI-HUMOR BOY! And then the professor said... [as Professor Poopypants] Very interesting. [in his normal voice again] That's my voice for him.
Professor Poopypants: Wait, wait, wait, gimme that. [snatches the comic] That's not Anti-Humor Boy. That's the... suck-up from class. Very interesting. [laughs, to George and Harold] You boys don't even realize it but your silly comic book just helped me figure out how to wipe out laughter on the entire...
[The same car from earlier hits Poopypants.]
Driver 1: Out of the road, bozo!
Professor Poopypants: HEY, WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING! You just hit Professor Poopypants!
Driver 1: [hears his name] Poopypants? [laughs and drives away]
Professor Poopypants: That's not funny! THAT'S NOT FUNNY! [gets hit by another car]
Driver 2: EVER HEARD OF A SIDEWALK?!
Professor Poopypants: Oooh, if I had insurance, you'd be in...OW! [finally gets hit by an ice cream truck, his glasses fall off and onto the road] I'll admit that was surprising.
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Professor Poopypants: [holds the shrunken school] [chuckles] Look what I've got. A tiny school filled with tiny children... [they look outside the window, shriek and run away] and their tiny teachers whose tiny salaries reflect their size and also... the value society puts on education.
Captain Underpants: [grabs the school] I'll take that!
Professor Poopypants: [turns his attention to the gun] Oh! Then I'll take that!
[Harold slaps the giant man with his huge hand.]
Professor Poopypants: [in pain] Ow! Did you just slap me?
Harold: Yes, I did. And you deserved it.
Professor Poopypants: No, I didn't! Your hand is huge! That hurt a lot! Give it back, it's mine! [grabs the gun]
Harold: [grabs the gun as well] No! Hands off!
Professor Poopypants: No fair! No backsies!
Harold: [fights over the gun] Give it to me!
Professor Poopypants: [fights over the gun] Would you just give me that?
[Harold accidentally shrinks Poopypants' head.]
Professor Poopypants: [screams] Now look what you've done!
Captain Underpants: [grabs the school] I'll take that!
Professor Poopypants: [turns his attention to the gun] Oh! Then I'll take that!
[Harold slaps the giant man with his huge hand.]
Professor Poopypants: [in pain] Ow! Did you just slap me?
Harold: Yes, I did. And you deserved it.
Professor Poopypants: No, I didn't! Your hand is huge! That hurt a lot! Give it back, it's mine! [grabs the gun]
Harold: [grabs the gun as well] No! Hands off!
Professor Poopypants: No fair! No backsies!
Harold: [fights over the gun] Give it to me!
Professor Poopypants: [fights over the gun] Would you just give me that?
[Harold accidentally shrinks Poopypants' head.]
Professor Poopypants: [screams] Now look what you've done!
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I DO NOT GET IT! I really thought breaking that ring would get rid of his powers!
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WHY DO NOT YOU GO ON AND INVENT YOUR OWN SHRINKING AND ENLARGING RAY, IF YOU THINK YOU ARE SO SMART?!?! [calms down, noticing everyone staring] How much of that was out loud?