[Inside the Avengers Compound, the heroes are conducting a time travel experiment]
Okay, here we go. Time travel test number one. Scott, fire up the uhhhh…the van thing. [Scott opens the portal]
Breakers are set, emergency generators are on standby.
Good. 'Cause if we blow the grid, I don't wanna lose tiny here in the 1950's.
Scott Excuse me?
N Natasha
He's kidding. You can't say things like that.
N Natasha
You were kidding, right?
[whispering to Romanoff]
I have no idea. We're talking about time travel here. Either it's all a joke, or none of it is. [loudly and gives Scott a thumbs up] We're good! Get your helmet on, Scott. I'm gonna send you back a week, let you walk around for an hour, then bring you back in 10 seconds. Makes sense?
Scott Perfectly not confusing.
Good luck, Scott. You got this.
Scott You're right. I do, Captain America!
On the count of 3. 3…2…1!
YS Young Scott
[Bruce presses a button, and Scott disappears into the Quantum Tunnel. In 5 seconds, Bruce presses a button, and someone in the Ant-Man suit comes back. A teenager appears out of it]
Uh, guys? T-This doesn't feel right.
[Banner pushes another couple of buttons, trying to fix the problem]
Hold on.
YS Young Scott
[irritated]
Yes, it's Scott!
ES Elderly Scott
[Scott gets sucked in back into the quantum tunnel, and it appears to be an old man in the Ant-Man suit]
OWW! My back…!
Can I get a little space here.
Yeah, yeah. Can you bring him back?
I'm working on it! [taps the side of the button pad, trying to pull back Scott]
[After a moment, another person appears in front of them. This time, it's a baby in the Ant-Man suit]
It's a baby.
R Rogers
[exasperated]
Bring Scott back!
When I say kill the power, kill the power.
N Natasha
[annoyed, she goes to kill the power]
Oh, my God.
[configuring the time machine]
And…kill it!
Scott [Natasha kills the power as Banner sends baby Scott back into the Quantum Realm and retrieves Scott's present self, who is shaken from the Avengers' experiment]
Somebody peed my pants…
R Romanoff
Oh, thank God.
Scott But I don't know if it was baby-me or old-me. Or…just me-me.
Time travel! [Steve just shakes his head and walks away] What? I see this as an absolute win.
[Nebula is fitting a time travel suit onto Clint Barton]
Clint, now you're gonna feel a little discombobulated from the chronoshift, don't worry about that--
JR James Rhodes
Wait, wait, wait a second. Let me ask you something. If we can do this, you know…go back in time, why don't we just find baby Thanos, you know, and… [makes a gesture of strangling a baby with a rope, complete with "choking sound"]
[disgusted]
First of all, that's horrible...
...and secondly, time doesn't work that way. Changing the past doesn't change the future!
Scott Look, we go back, we get the stones before Thanos gets them? Thanos doesn't have the stones. Problem solved!
B Barton
Well, that's what I heard.
What, by who? Who told you that?
R Rhodes
[counting with his fingers]
Star Trek, Terminator, Timecop, Time After Time…
Scott …Quantum Leap…
R Rhodes
Wrinkle in Time, Somewhere in Time…
Scott Hot Tub Time Machine…
R Rhodes
Hot Tub Time Machine, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure - basically, any movie that deals with time travel.
Scott Die Hard? No, that's not one.
I don't know why everyone believes that, but that isn't true. Think about it. If you travel to the past, that past becomes your future. And your former present becomes the past, which can't now be changed by your new future!
Scott [confused]
So Back to the Future is a bunch of bullshit?
Okay, so the "how" works. Now we gotta figure out the "when" and the "where." Almost all of us has had an encounter with at least one of the six Infinity Stones.
S Stark
Well, I'd substitute the word "encounter" for "damn well near been killed by" one of the six Infinity Stones.
Scott I haven't, I don't even know what the hell you're all talking about.
Regardless, we only have enough Pym Particles for one round trip each, and these Stones have been in a lot of different places throughout history.
S Stark
Our history. So, not a lot of convenient spots to just drop in.
C Clint
Which means we have to pick our targets.
Let's start with the Aether. Thor, what do you know?
N Natasha
[Thor is sitting on a chair with his sunglasses on]
Is he asleep?
R Rhodey
No. I'm pretty sure he's dead.
[wakes up]
Where to start? Umm…the Aether, first, is not a stone, someone called it a stone before. It's more of a…an angry sludge thing, so…someone's gonna need to amend that. Here's an interesting story though, many years ago…my grandfather had to hide the stones from the Dark Elves, wooooh, scary beings. So Jane… [an image of Jane Foster pops up on the screen] Oh, there she is. That's Jane. She's– an old flame of mine. She– she stuck her hand inside a rock this one time– and then the Aether stuck itself inside her. And she became very, very sick. So I had to take her to Asgard, which is where I'm from. And we had to try and fix her. We were dating at the time, you see. I got to introduce her to my mother…who's dead… [seeming on the verge of tears] …and, oh, you know, Jane and I aren't even dating anymore, these things happen though you know, nothing last forever… [Tony starts to push Thor back to his chair] I'm not done yet, the only thing permanent in life is impermanence.
S Stark
Awesome. Eggs? Breakfast?
No. I'd like a Bloody Mary.
R Rocket
Quill said he stole the Power Stone from Morag.
Scott Is that a person?
R Rocket
Morag's a planet, Quill was a person.
Scott A planet? Like in outer space?
R Rocket
[Mockingly]
Oh, look: it's like a little puppy, all happy and everything. [starts petting Scott] Do you want to go to space? You want to go to space, puppy? I'll take you to space!
Thanos found the Soul Stone on Vormir.
N Natasha
[in a business-like tone]
What is Vormir?
A dominion of death, at the very center of Celestial existence. It's where... Thanos murdered my sister.
Scott Not it.
N Natasha
[lying on a paper-filled table]
That Time Stone guy…
[lying down on the floor]
Doctor Strange.
N Natasha
Yeah, what kind of doctor was he?
S Stark
Neuro stuff meets rabbit from a hat. Nice place in the Village, though.
Yeah. Sullivan Street. [Corrects himself] Hmm– Bleecker.
N Natasha
Wait, he lived in New York?
S Stark
[Sarcastically]
No, he lived in Toronto.
N Natasha
Guys, if you pick the right year, there are three Stones in New York.
[Sits up in surprise]
Shut the front door!
