Jim Varney movie quotes

105 quotes from 7 movies

Ernest Goes to Jail (1990) as Ernest P. Worrell

View Quote Real men are not intimidated by physical threats against their personal selves, and, ironically, neither am I.

View Quote [To Nash's lawyer as he's being taken to the chair]: You pal, you're not getting anymore of my business!

View Quote I've never been inside a restaurant that doesn't have a drive-thru window before.

All 22 quotes from Ernest P. Worrell »

Ernest Goes to Jail (1990) as Felix Nash

View Quote (To Ernest P. Worrell): Well, looks like a got another hostage, too bad, I thought you were dead!

View Quote Don't worry about that diet, tubby. Once I set this fuse, you'll lose all that weight.

View Quote This guy is better off in jail.

All 10 quotes from Felix Nash »

Atlantis: The Lost Empire (2001) as Jebidiah Allardyce "Cookie" Farnsworth

View Quote I got your four basic food groups! Beans, bacon, whisky and lard.

View Quote [Serves everyone the same, nondescript slop] For the appetizer, Caesar salad, escargot, and your Oriental spring rolls.

View Quote Dang lightning-bugs done bit me on my sit-upon. Somebody's gonna have to suck out this poison. Don't everybody jump up at once.

All 23 quotes from Jebidiah Allardyce "Cookie" Farnsworth »

Toy Story 2 (1999) as Slinky

View Quote [The toys are climbing up an elevator shaft. Some coins fall out of Hamm's slot and hit Slinky in the face] Woah! Pork bellies are falling.

View Quote Buzz, Buzz! My backend's going to Baton Rouge!

View Quote [Buster the dog is barking and trying to leave Andy's room] Ah, this fella says he needs to go out back for a little private time?

All 17 quotes from Slinky »

Toy Story (1995) as Slinky Dog

View Quote I knew you were right all along, Woody. Never doubted you for a second.

View Quote Golly bob howdy!

View Quote [watching guests arrive for Andy's party with presents] Rex: Any dinosaur-shaped ones?
Hamm: For crying out loud, they're all in boxes, you idiot!
Rex: They're getting bigger!
Slinky Dog: Wait, there's a nice little one over there.
[girl turns round, revealing the full length of the box she's carrying; the toys scream]

All 12 quotes from Slinky Dog »

Ernest Scared Stupid (1991) as Ernest

View Quote Ernest: Gosh, Rimshot! Pretty soon, the kids won't have to worry about eating their Brussel sprouts because the Brussel sprouts will be eating them!

View Quote [when seeing Trantor the Troll for the first time]
Ernest: Ahhhhh! Boy, I sure hope you're from Keebler!
Ernest: You better back off. You don't wanna fight me, I know tai chi, kung fu, chow mein, and I saw Hulkamania three times once in slow mo.

View Quote Ernest: How 'bout a bumper sandwich, Boogerlips? Eh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh

All 10 quotes from Ernest »

Ernest Saves Christmas (1988) as Ernest

View Quote You know. I don't tell many people this, but Christmas is just about my favorite time. Ever since I was a little kid, I always felt like it was my own personal holiday.

View Quote Ahh, smell those Christmas trees. You can keep your "Channel" Number 5, just give me a whiff of the old lonesome pine. That symbol of brotherly love, that centerpiece that all mankind gathers around to share the cranberry sauce shaped like a can.

View Quote No, there's only one person authorized to operate this sack. His big, red, oneness: The Claus.

All 6 quotes from Ernest »

Ernest Goes to Camp (1987) as Ernest

View Quote [Jake is trying to get Ernest to taste his "Eggs erronious"]
Jake: Now Ernest, would someone dressed up like this lie to you about food?
Ernest: Fond as I am in Tibetian cooking, a hungry lion always hunts best. KnowhatImean?

View Quote [Nurse St. Cloud gives Ernest a shot]
Ernest: I did it! I took the Lindbergh baby! I am Josef Mengele! Owwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

View Quote Nurse St. Cloud: And that was the ceremony of the Blade, the Stone and the Arrow.
Ernest: Like in our culture: Paper, Rock, Scissors.

All 5 quotes from Ernest »