Ernest Goes to Jail 1990 quotes

You are slime Ernest P. Worrell!

(To Ernest P. Worrell)

Well, looks like a got another hostage, too bad, I thought you were dead!

What kind of person would throw away a perfectly good dog?

You pal, you're not getting anymore of my business!

The way they run this institution is an outrage, for a poor, tight, old lonely woman like me. Her only son of feathers is a terribly successful one. Young man? Young Man?
[The gate guard comes out]

Young Man, Would you please open that gate, I left my car running outside?

Ma'am, You tell me how you got through this gate, the visitors area's on the other side of the prison.

I brought him up with the best I could, but sometimes a bad thief pulls from even the most fragile flower.

Ma'am, you are not going through this gate.

Is this the way you'd treat your mother? Is this the kind of abuse that poor woman must endure?

Well, I guess that my mother is a little bit mad at-...

Mmmhmm! You ought to be in the slammer with the rest of these misfits! If you had any remorse at all for the HORROR you pushed your mother through, you'd open that gate! I have a car overheating as we SPEAK!
[Ernest (as Auntie Nelda) makes a snooty expression at the gate guard]

Ok, Ok.
[Picks up phone]

All right! Let's open the east gate.
[Hangs up phone]

There! Now you satisfied?

I'll tell your mother how her son has improved despite his shady and somewhat checkered past.
[Prison balls tied to a chain fall out of Ernest's disguise]
Auntie Nelda [Lying about the prison balls]: The doctor told me that I'd only have to wear these until after the sugery.
[Guard nods sarcastically and takes Ernest away]

Charlotte Sparrow (Miss Sparrow): [Thinking Ernest is Nash] Do you think you let me get near me after what you did to Ernest? He was the kindest man who was ever loved in my whole life?

Ernest P. Worrell

Gee, Charlotte, I'm touched!

Charlotte Sparrow (Miss Sparrow): [Thinking Nash is Ernest] What happened to your voice? You sound different.

Felix Nash

Oh, I got a little laryngitis.

Charlotte Sparrow (Miss Sparrow)

Ernest, you're alive!
Ernest P. Worrell [Burnt and recovering from a high fall]: (coughs) I came! I saw! I got blowed up!

Chuck

Bobby, unlock me!

Charlotte Sparow (Miss Sparrow)

Ernest, the bomb!

Ernest P. Worrell [After drying himself off with his body dryer and checking the circuit board]: Oh, there's my problem right there. This wire's got a little sh...
[Gets electricuted]

Ernest P. Worrell

...short in it.
[A metal comb clings to his vest]

Ernest P. Worrell

Gosh, not again.

Ernest P. Worrell

I've been vandalized...By Elvis!
[Suddenly after Ernest go gets changed we then go to the car that got a flat tire]

Charlotte Sparrow (Miss Sparrow) [Crossly]

I can't believe it! I can't believe it! First, Ernest, and now this! I'm acting like a victim, I need to tell Ernest, exactly how I feel, and I need to do that right now while I'm still mad!

Ernest P. Worrell

Did you hear the one about the three legged dog that walked into a bar and said, "I'm lookin' for the guy that shot my paw." (laughs then metal lid clings to his face)

Charlotte Sparrow (Miss Sparrow)

Ernest, Ernest are you all right?
Ernest P. Worrell [After removing a metal lid that clung to his face, even though the lobster is still stuck to his face]: I recommend the lobster. (laughs)

Ernest P. Worrell

Mr. Poodle-Smurf is lucky to have me. One day, I'm gonna walk into his office and I'll say: 'Oscar Babe'.

WHAT?

Ernest P. Worrell

Oh good morning Mr. Poodle-Smurf, Puddle-Smit, Smiddle-Poot...

Pendlesmythe, you idiot!

Ernest P. Worrell

Oh, I'm sorry, I don't think our table has any steak sauce!

Get up!

Ernest P. Worrell

Oh, I'm sorry, where are my manners, I should have waited for the others!

Eat, Greaseball!

Ernest P. Worrell

I didn't order a grease ball.

Ernest P. Worrell

Peter Pan, eat your heart out! (hums)

Felix Nash

Here, have a seat! [Throws a chair at Ernest]