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Ernest Goes to Jail

Ernest Goes to Jail quotes

32 total quotes

Charlotte Sparrow (Miss Sparrow)
Ernest P. Worrell
Felix Nash
Warden Carmichael

Ernest P. Worrell: Where to?
Warden Carmichael: To the row!
Ernest P. Worrell: The row?
Warden Carmichael: As in "death row"!
Ernest P. Worrell: Death row? You mean like the chair?! ...The hot seat, dead meat, deep 6, it's over pal, you're outta here bub, the groundhog's are bringing you your mail, you're picking turnips with a step ladder, the no tomorrow row? That kind of row? Oh no. The row?

Ernest P. Worrell: You see that guy?
Prison guard: Yeah, so?
Ernest P. Worrell: He's not on the jury duty, because this man is a prisoner!
Prison guard (Thinking Ernest is Nash): Ugh! I oughta throw in the hole for that Nash!
Ernest P. Worrell: The hole?
Prison guard: Yeah! The hole!
Ernest P. Worrell: The hole like, like in "Solitare the Hole" Like, in a real prison? Like in real, really, really, really, really real prison? The hoose-gow, the slammer, the joint, Alcatraz, San Quentin, Sing Sing, Oh no. I'm in... I'm in... jaaaaaaaaaa-jail-jail-jail!
Prison guard: (laughs sternly)
[Note: The three ["jail"]'s following his yelling refers to echoes that are heard after the camera has panned far out.]

Rubin Bartlett: [Thinking Ernest is Nash] Did you miss me, Mister Nash?
Cell Guard: Close C-12!
Ernest P. Worrell: You, you know I'm not Nash!
Rubin Bartlett: Of course you are! Ernest!

Rubin Bartlett: Not so fast!
Ernest P. Worrell [After being 'resurrected' by the electric chair and is stopped by Rubin Bartlett from leaving]: You better watch out Rubin. I'll zot you.
Rubin Bartlett: You're a dead man, Worrell.
Ernest P. Worrell: Very well. You know I am Ernest P. Worrell, electro-man. [His electrical flux fails and several metal things stop clinging and fall off his body] A-hih-heh-hih-hih! You know, you have a classic Greek profile.
Rubin Bartlett: Come on, Lyle, we gotta get rid of this guy before he blows the whole thing!

[Ernest and the crew he's with are being forced to go into a jail cell, and Ernest is mistaking the prison he's in for his jury "accommodations"]
Ernest P. Worrell: We're sequestered. And on top of that we can't even leave! Oh, this is great. This is just great.
[The prison guard comes up from behind him and hits him]
Ernest P. Worrell: I hope you've got a good story to tell my boss! After all, I do have a living to earn.
Prison guard [Crossly]: Now look, Nash...
Ernest P. Worrell: My name is Worrel. Ernest P. Worrel.
Prison guard: Oh, Mister Funny-Man, huh? Yeah, Mister Funny-Man. You'll think funny when you're tapping to the tune of 2-20, son!
[Throws him into his cell]
Ernest P. Worrell [Remarking to his cell-mates]: That is the rudest bailiff I have ever seen in my life.
[Note: One person mentioned isn't a separate character; instead, it's a role played by a character. "Auntie Nelda" refers to Ernest dressed up as an elderly woman to try and fool the gate guard.]

Don't worry about that diet, tubby. Once I set this fuse, you'll lose all that weight.

Ernest, we're late for work!

He's gettin' away!

Here, I'll help you up!

I've never been inside a restaurant that doesn't have a drive-thru window before.

Is everyone who works here a moron?

Look, I'm not this guy Nash!

Now, Nash, you'll never get away with this!

Real men are not intimidated by physical threats against their personal selves, and, ironically, neither am I.

This guy is better off in jail.