N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z #

Auntie Nelda: The way they run this institution is an outrage, for a poor, tight, old lonely woman like me. Her only son of feathers is a terribly successful one. Young man? Young Man?
[The gate guard comes out]
Auntie Nelda: Young Man, Would you please open that gate, I left my car running outside?
Gate Guard: Ma'am, You tell me how you got through this gate, the visitors area's on the other side of the prison.
Auntie Nelda: I brought him up with the best I could, but sometimes a bad thief pulls from even the most fragile flower.
Gate Guard: Ma'am, you are not going through this gate.
Auntie Nelda: Is this the way you'd treat your mother? Is this the kind of abuse that poor woman must endure?
Gate Guard: Well, I guess that my mother is a little bit mad at-...
Auntie Nelda: Mmmhmm! You ought to be in the slammer with the rest of these misfits! If you had any remorse at all for the HORROR you pushed your mother through, you'd open that gate! I have a car overheating as we SPEAK!
[Ernest (as Auntie Nelda) makes a snooty expression at the gate guard]
Gate Guard: Ok, Ok.
[Picks up phone]
Gate Guard: All right! Let's open the east gate.
[Hangs up phone]
Gate Guard: There! Now you satisfied?
Auntie Nelda: I'll tell your mother how her son has improved despite his shady and somewhat checkered past.
[Prison balls tied to a chain fall out of Ernest's disguise]
Auntie Nelda [Lying about the prison balls]: The doctor told me that I'd only have to wear these until after the sugery.
[Guard nods sarcastically and takes Ernest away]
  »   More Quotes from
  »   More Quotes from
  »   Back to the