Jason Mewes movie quotes

View Quote We figure abortion clinics are a good place to meet loose women. Why else would they be here unless they like to ****?

View Quote Hey, Big Bird! Ready to play the counting game? Count the shells, suck-a-duck!

View Quote Wait, you mean Silent Bob's an instrument of God?

View Quote Silent Bob here's an electrical genius. He won the science fair in eighth grade by turning his mom's vibrator into a CD player using some chicken wire and shit. The mother****er's like MacGyver--no, the mother****er's better than MacGyver.

View Quote What you need is a fatty-boom-batty blunt, and I guarantee you'll be seeing a sailboat, an ocean, and maybe even some of those big-titted mermaids doing some of that lesbian shit. Look at me, look at me, you sloppy bitch!

View Quote [Shows a Hustler spread to Silent Bob] Dude, this one looks like your mom. [Silent Bob nods]

View Quote Yeah. Silent Bob, you're one rude mother****er, you know that? But, you're cute as hell. I could go down on you, suck you, line up three other guys, make like a circus seal. [a horn beeps] Ew, you **** ****. I hate guys! I love women! [Willam approaches them] Whatchoo want, Grizzly Adams?

View Quote I need some tits and ass! Yo, I'm feeling good tonight Silent Bob, we're gonna make some money, you know what we gonna do, we gonna go to that party, get some pussy. I'll **** this bitch, I'll **** this bitch, I'll **** anything that moves!

View Quote I don't care if she's my cousin or not, I'm gonna knock those boots again tonight.

View Quote You gotta boil it down to the essentials. It's like Cube says, "Life ain't nothin' but bitches and money."

View Quote Bitch pressin' charges? I get that a lot.

View Quote [to Holden] Bitch tasted life, yo, now she's settlin' for your boring, funny-book-makin' ass.

View Quote That guy's being awfully forward with that donkey.

View Quote You know, sometimes I wish I did a little more with my life instead of hangin' out in front of places sellin' weed 'n shit. Like, maybe be an animal doctor. Why not me? I like seals 'n shit. Or maybe an astronaut. Yeah... I'd be the first mother****er to see a new galaxy, or find a new alien life form... and **** it. And people'd be, like, "There he goes; homeboy **** the Martian once."

View Quote [Hanging out with Bob] I'm **** bored, man.

View Quote Lester: Hey Stacey. You like dogs?
Stacey: Yeah. Especially pocket dogs.
Lester: Oh. I really liked porking you. It made my dick feel good.
Stacey: Me too. Except for the dick part because I don't have one but the good part.
Lester: Cool. Well, see ya.
Stacey: Bye.

View Quote Zack Brown: What's your name?
Lester: Lester... Lester the Molester Cockenschtuff.
Zack Brown: Wow. That's a great porn name.
Lester: I get to pick a porn name?... Then I want to be called... Pete Jones.

View Quote Lester: I even tried to talk her into givin' me the ****in' Dutch Rudder . . . shot me down on that, too.
Zack Brown: And a Dutch Rudder is . . . ?
Lester: You don't know what a Dutch Rudder— All right, you grab your dick, and then you have somebody else work your arm. Here, lemme show you. Grab my arm— I'm grabbing my dick, you're grabbing my arm . . . Now work it. Work my arm. See that shit? Now work it up and down. See that? See, it's like somebody else is jerking you off. And of course, there's the Double Dutch Rudder . . . which, I grab my dick, you grab your dick, you work my arm, I work your arm. Same time! Same time. It's like jerkin' off together, but not gay. [Shakes head.] We're not touchin' dicks! Each other's dicks, anyway; I'm touchin' my own dick. You're workin' it, and I'm lovin' it. It feels good, sir . . . Try me! C'mon!