Billy Crystal movie quotes

161 quotes from 8 movies

When Harry Met Sally (1989) as Harry Burns

View Quote [on Sally's answering machine] If you're there please pick up the phone, I really want to talk to you. The fact that you're not answering leads me to believe you're either (a) Not at home, (b) Home, but don't want to talk to me, or (c) Home, desperately want to talk to me, but trapped under something heavy. If it's either (a) or (c), please call me back.

View Quote [on Sally's answering machine] Hi, it's me. It's is the holiday season and I thought I'd just remind you that this is the season for charity and forgiveness. And although it's not widely known, it is also the season of grovelling. So if you felt like calling me back, I'd be more than happy to do the traditional Christmas grovel. Give me a call.

View Quote You know, I have a theory that hieroglyphics are really an ancient comic strip about a character named Sphinxy.

All 47 quotes from Harry Burns »

Monsters, Inc. (2001) as Mike

View Quote ...and he was taking it out on that sweet little girl.

View Quote [during ending credits] [to Boo] Go ahead. Go throw up. [crew starts laughing] What? What did I say? What, what?

View Quote Roz, my tender, oozing blossom, you're looking fabulous today. Is that a new haircut? Tell me it's a new haircut. It's got to be a new haircut. New makeup? You had a lift? You had a tuck? You had something? Something has been inserted in you that makes you look like... Listen, I need a favor.

All 44 quotes from Mike »

City Slickers (1991) as Mitch Robbins

View Quote [singing] Rollin', rollin', rollin', keep them dogies rollin', man my ass is swollen, Rawhide! Get 'em up, move 'em out, wake 'em up, get 'em dressed, get 'em shaved, comb their hair, Rawhide! Tie me down, tell me lies, pull my hair, smack my thighs - with a big wet strap of, Rawhide!

View Quote Let's bring out the cake!

View Quote Women need a reason for having sex, men just need a place.

All 26 quotes from Mitch Robbins »

Analyze This (1999) as Dr. Ben Sobel

View Quote (masquerading as a mobster) My name is Ben Sobel... -lioni. Ben Sobellioni. I'm also known as, uh, Benny the Groin, Sammy the Schnozz, Elmer the Fudd, Tubby the Tuba, and once as Miss Phyllis Levine.

View Quote [Upon receiving an exquisite fountain from Vitti as a gift] Call the Vatican, see if there's anything missing.

View Quote [talks to patient] Well, the first thing I think you should do... is to stop whining about this pathetic loser! You are a tragedy queen [mocks whining voice] "Steve doesn't like me. Steve doesn't respect me." I mean, who gives a shit? GET A **** LIFE!!!!!!!!!

All 16 quotes from Dr. Ben Sobel »

Analyze That (2002) as Dr. Ben Sobel

View Quote I am grieving. It's a process.

View Quote [straining] I'm very attached to my balls.

View Quote Ginko biloba. Helps my memory, and I forget what else.

All 13 quotes from Dr. Ben Sobel »

The Princess Bride (1987) as Miracle Max

View Quote Miracle Max: See, there's a big difference between mostly dead, and all dead. Now, mostly dead: he's slightly alive. All dead, well, with all dead, there's usually only one thing that you can do.
Inigo: What's that?
Miracle Max: Go through his clothes and look for loose change.

View Quote [As Inigo and Fezzik leave with the miracle pill]
Miracle Max: Have fun storming the castle!
Valerie: [aside, to Max] Do ya think it'll work?
Miracle Max: It would take a miracle. [calling out] Bye bye!

View Quote Miracle Max: You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.

All 7 quotes from Miracle Max »

Deconstructing Harry (1997) as The Devil

View Quote The Devil: Want me to turn up the air conditioning?
Harry Block: What? You're air-conditioned here?
The Devil: Sure! ****s up the ozone layer!

View Quote The Devil: You know, I've had a lot of jobs in your world.
Harry Block: Really? Like what?
The Devil: For two years I ran a Hollywood studio. But you can't trust those people.

View Quote The Devil: You ever **** a blind girl?
Harry Block: No, that I never did.
The Devil: Ooh, they're so grateful.

All 4 quotes from The Devil »

Mike's New Car (2002) as Mike

View Quote Mike: [Referring to the seat] It's adjustable.
[Sulley presses a button and his seat goes really low. He raises the seat, and then makes it move all around. Mike starts to look annoyed]
Mike: WILL YOU CUT IT OUT?!

View Quote Mike: [Showing Sully his new car] Ta-da! What do you think?
Sulley: What was wrong with your old car?
Mike: Three little words, Sulley: Six wheel drive!!

View Quote Sulley: [tries to readjust the rearview mirror after he bashed it with his head, but accidentally breaks it off] Oops.
Mike: [dangerously calm] Get out of the car, please. [snaps] Get out, out, out, out, OUT! GET OUTTA MY CAR!
[Sulley is forced out of the car and stands on the pavement. The car starts up and suddenly speeds off. Five of the six wheels roll past Sulley. The sixth one follows more slowly]
Sulley: Hmm, that's weird. The airbag didn't go off.
[the airbag inflates and blasts Mike back up the street; Sulley catches him]
Mike: I miss my old car. You know, with the vroom-vroom and the clang-clang and the bang-bang? [sighs]
Sulley: You, uh, wanna walk?
Mike: [exhausted] Yes.

All 4 quotes from Mike »