Dr. Sobel, have you been receiving calls from mobster Paul Vitti?
Dr. Ben Sobel
Why would you say I received a call from Paul Vitti?
Because we record all his calls from Sing Sing.
Dr. Ben Sobel
Then yes I did.
Dr. Ben Sobel
I know what you're doing, Paul. You're just upset that I have custody of you, so you passive-aggressively arranged for me to look like a fool.
Paul Vitti
Oh, come on. You were great! You were great!
Dr. Ben Sobel
Second take, I thought, was a little better than the first. Jelly wasn't giving me much, honestly. So I j... Screw you, Paul.
Dr. Ben Sobel
I thought you might appreciate a nice home-cooked meal after being in prison for so long.
Paul Vitti
Yeah, that's what I've been jerkin' off for the last 850 nights in a row, a ****in' home-cooked meal. "Oh, tuna casserole!"
Dr. Ben Sobel
I was at a funeral.
Paul Vitti
What's that got to do with someone trying to kill me in jail? You're my Doctor!
Dr. Ben Sobel
My father died.
Paul Vitti
So. With you, it is always me, me, me, me, me, me. He's dead. So get over it.
Dr. Ben Sobel
Lou the Wrench? Why the Wrench?
Paul Vitti
He twisted some guy's head off.
Dr. Ben Sobel
OFF?
Dr. Ben Sobel
Paul, you know what you said about not flipping out?
Paul Vitti
Yeah.
Dr. Ben Sobel
Sorry.
[freaks out]
Dr. Ben Sobel
The girl has got to go.
Paul Vitti
You know, Doc, I think you might be jealous.
Dr. Ben Sobel
Oh, and what exactly might I be jealous of?
Paul Vitti
I don't know, I didn't hear nothin' comin' out of your room.
Dr. Ben Sobel
We just don't think it's necessary to wake the neighbors every time we have sex!
Paul Vitti
If you're quiet enough, you can do it without waking your wife.
Yeah, what?
Paul Vitti
"Yeah, what?" Is that how you answer the door? "Yeah, what?"
You got a problem with that?
Paul Vitti
Yeah, what?
Don't bother getting up on our account.
No hard feelings.
Dr. Ben Sobel
No... and probably never again.
Paul Vitti
Look at the size of this trunk. You can put three bodies in there.
Dr. Ben Sobel
I have a 17-year-old son.
Paul Vitti
I'll ask her.
Dr. Ben Sobel
It's not easy for me to talk about my father, because, in a sense, I am talking about two people. One is the public Isaac Sobel, the eminent psychotherapist and popular author known to millions of readers across the world. The second is the private man. My father. [Ben and his family audience smile.] Dad. And for those of you who knew him well, and know our family, well, I don't have to tell you; [Ben's face hardens.] He was a psychotic prick. An arrogant, ego-inflated son-of-a-bitch! [As the audience gasps in horror, Sobel looks down onto his father's casket.] I wish you were alive so I can kill you! ROT IN HELL!
[The film cuts to a detached-looking Ben at his seat as the preacher calls him to the podium; the speech was only a figment of his imagination.]
Dr. Ben Sobel
I'm very attached to my balls.
Dr. Ben Sobel
Ginko biloba. Helps my memory, and I forget what else.
Dr. Ben Sobel
I am grieving. It's a process.