Bebe Neuwirth movie quotes

View Quote [it transitions to 26 years later. Mrs. Thomas and Nora enter the mansion.]
Mrs. Thomas: I think a bed-and-breakfast is just what this town needs.
Aunt Nora: Well, it's pretty hard to pass up, especially full of furniture. Oh, boy! I keep forgetting how big this place is. Judy, Peter, come look at this. I'm gonna put a reception area over here. And a bar over here in the parlor.
Mrs. Thomas: That sounds lovely. I'm sure you and your kids are gonna be very happy here.
Aunt Nora: Oh. Well, actually, they're my late brother's. He and his wife passed away just last winter. Is this something, or what?
Judy Shepherd: It sure is.
Mrs. Thomas: So, what do you think, young man? Is it big enough for you?
Judy Shepherd: Peter hasn't spoken a word since it happened.
Mrs. Thomas: Oh, my. I'm so sorry. How terribly awful.
Judy Shepherd: It's okay. We barely even knew our parents. They were always away-- skiing in Saint Moritz, gambling in Monte Carlo, safariing in darkest Africa. We didn't even know if they loved us. But when the sheik's yacht went down, well, they managed to write us a really beautiful good-bye note that was found floating in a champagne bottle amongst the debris. Excuse me. [laughing, shaking her head and walking away as she knowingly told Mrs. Thomas a lie]
Aunt Nora: They were very devoted parents. It was a car crash in Canada. So you'll send me those escrow papers?
Mrs. Thomas: First thing tomorrow.
Aunt Nora: [trying to unlock Alan's room] I'll have to get a locksmith out for this one. Peter, pick up your toys, please. Peter, take this suitcase up to the attic. Then we can all have ice cream...and bourbon.
[Peter goes up to the attic and hears a bat from the game]
Aunt Nora: What? What is it?
Judy Shepherd: I'm going to Motel 6.
Aunt Nora: Oh, for heaven's sake.

View Quote [cut to the next day]
Exterminator: I don't see any guano.
Judy Shepherd: [consulting a book] He said it looked like that.
Exterminator: That's an African bat. Some kid said she saw a bunch of those back in the '60s. But we don't get bats like that in New England.
Judy Shepherd: But that's what he saw.
Exterminator: Well, whatever it was is gone now. Bats aren't what I'd worry about in this house any ways.
Judy Shepherd: What would you worry about?
Exterminator: Well, personally I wouldn't wanna live in a house where someone was murdered.
Judy Shepherd: Murdered?
Exterminator: Yep. Little Alan Parrish. I say his father did it. There's a thousand and one places he could have hid the body in this house. Especially if he chopped it up first.
Aunt Nora: Hey, up there! You kids don't wanna be late for your first day of school.
Exterminator: Not a bat in sight, ma'am.
Aunt Nora: Ya hear that? There is nothing to be afraid of in this house.
[Nora, Peter and Judy are at the table eating dinner]
Aunt Nora: I can't believe I have to see your principal after the first day. What am I gonna do? Let's just try to relax and finish our dinner and talk about something else.
Judy Shepherd: Well, we found out why you got this house so cheap. 26 years ago, a kid named Alan Parrish used to live here. Then one day, he just disappeared 'cause his parents chopped him up in little pieces and hid him in the walls.
Aunt Nora: [To Judy, putting her foot down] Okay, that's it. I'm sick and tired of your lies, young lady, you're grounded. [Judy gets up and leaves]
Judy Shepherd: Fine. There's nowhere to go in this stupid town anyway. And just for your information, that wasn't a lie.
[Peter and Judy are lying in bed]
Judy Shepherd: Did you hear anything a little while ago?
Peter Shepherd: Do you miss Mom and Dad?
Judy Shepherd: No.
Peter Shepherd: Liar. If you don't cut that out, they're gonna send you to a shrink.
Judy Shepherd: Where do you think they're gonna send you if you don't start talking?

View Quote [?]
Carl Bentley: Turn the siren off. Right there!
Alan Parrish: I got it.
Carl Bentley: Okay!
Van Pelt: Stop your cringing, woman. I could have shot you at any moment.
Sarah Whittle: Then why didn't you?
Van Pelt: You didn't roll the dice. Alan did.
Carl Bentley: There it is. Hit the brakes. Hit the brakes!
Alan Parrish: I'm hittin' 'em.
Carl Bentley: Hit the brakes!
Alan Parrish: I'm hittin' the brakes!
Van Pelt: He should be here any moment.
Alan Parrish: [the car plows into the store knocking shelves over and burying Van Pelt in paint cans] Sarah! You're all right?
Sarah Whittle: Yes.
Alan Parrish: Where's Peter?
Peter Shepherd: I'm here.
Alan Parrish: Oh, great.
Self-help tape: So remember, circumstances are never ever out of your control. End of tape three.
Radio: To update on the events unfolding in Brantford, New Hampshire where at least 98 people have been hospitalized with symptoms ranging from fevers and rashes to violent seizures. Local resources have been strained to the breaking point. State health officials are asking anyone experiencing symptoms to dial 9-1-1. [Nora gets out of the car and witnesses zebras, elephants, and rhinos run by. As they do this, a monkey jumps into the car. She shuts the door and drives off. The monkey screeches, startling her and she drives into a ditch]
Carl Bentley: [using a hacksaw to free himself from the door] I got it.
Sarah Whittle: Alan, talk to him. Please?
Alan Parrish: What? We don't have time for this, okay?
Sarah Whittle: I know, but he's a kid and he was trying to help.
Alan Parrish: All right.
Sarah Whittle: Thank you.
Alan Parrish: [to Peter] I warned you about this, Peter. No, you wanted to play the game. What, are you crying? You don't cry, all right? You keep your chin up. Keep your chin up. Crying never helped anybody do anything, okay? You have a problem, you face it like a man.
Alan Parrish: I'm sorry. Twenty-six years buried in the jungle and I still became my father. It's okay. Come here. I'm sorry. Hey. It's all right. Remember what you told me? It's all right to be afraid.
Peter Shepherd: It's not that.
Alan Parrish: What is it? [whispers in Alan's ear] Okay. Ready? [pulls Peter's tail out of his pants] Don't worry. We're gonna have you turned back into your old self in no time flat. 'Cause we're gonna go in here, and together, we're gonna sit down, we're gonna finish that game, no matter what. [The house has turned into a swamp] Suddenly, I feel right at home.
Carl Bentley: Lorraine, this is Carl. I know who's behind this. I'm headin' to the Parrish place. Gimme backup. Lorraine?
Aunt Nora: Wait!
Carl Bentley: Now what?
Aunt Nora: Stop! Wait, stop!
Carl Bentley: Is there a problem, ma'am?
Aunt Nora: Can I have a ride home?
Carl Bentley: Where do you live?
Aunt Nora: Jefferson Street. The old Parrish place.
Carl Bentley: Do you have children? A boy and a girl?
Aunt Nora: Oh, my God! What happened?
Carl Bentley: Get in. I'll explain it on the way. [a vine from the game has taken Carl's cop car] Fine! Take it! We gotta get to that house.

View Quote Lana: Are we loving the way she looks, all?
(all the columnists agree)
Michelle: I haven't eaten since the split.
Lana: Good for you. Write about it.
Michelle: I can't use my personal life for a story.
Lana: I understand completely... Who will use Michelle's personal life for a story?

View Quote Andie: Look at Michelle. She is a great girl, right? An amazing woman. But she has a problem hanging on to relationships and doesn't really know what she's doing wrong, which is like a lot of our readers. So, I was thinking, that I could start by dating a guy, and then drive him away. But only using the classic mistakes most women, Like Michelle, make all the time. I'll keep a diary of it and it will be sort of a dating "How To" in reverse.
Lana: What not to do.
Andie: Yeah.
Lana: "How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days". Yes. Go.

View Quote Lana: Congratulations. This shows me you're ready to be unleashed. From now on, feel free to write about anything.
Andie: Anything?
Lana: Wherever the wind blows you.
Andie: Even politics?
Lana: Well, the wind's not going to blow you there.
Andie: What about religion, poverty, economics?
Lana: This wind is really more of a light breeze.

View Quote Volpe: Don't you just hate that kid?
Felinet: Not as much as I hate you! (hisses at him)

View Quote (Pinocchio runs into Volpe and Felinet)
Felinet: Helloooo...
Pinocchio: Hellooo....
Felinet: Ooh, what a charming little item you are. (Holds out hand) May I? (Raps Pinocchio's head, makes a hollow thud) Ooh... empty as a witch's dowry. Ooh, look how smoothly his arms move. (Geppetto comes up)
Geppetto: Now Pinocchio, don't do that again. (To the thieves) Er, excuse me, but don't you two have a pushcart or something to rob?
Volpe: Uh, we've already done that. (Felinet glares at him)
Geppetto: Come on Pinocchio. I don't want you doing that again.
Felinet: Oh but Geppetto darling, we were just playing with him.
Geppetto: He'll play with his own sort, thank you.
Felinet: (suspiciously) And what sort would that be?
Geppetto: Come on son. Don't ever do that again.
Volpe: (confused) I don't get it...is he a boy, or a puppet?
Felinet: He's a puppet, fur-face. He's going to be worth a fortune...and I know exactly where to cash him in! (Both giggle)
Father: Don't worry, son! I'll get your ball back! (Felinet glances at Pinocchio's ball, realizes who it belongs to, and runs off, tossing the ball at Volpe) (Boy and his father round the corner, boy points at Volpe, who is foolishly holding the ball)
Father: Take my kid's ball, would you?? (Punches Volpe viciously)

View Quote (at the church)
Pinocchio: Hey, I know you - you're friends of -
Felinet: No, no, we've finished with him now. We're just here to ask for forgiveness.
Pinocchio: What's forgiveness?
Volpe: Forgiveness is when you have done something really really wrong, and you know what you did was wrong, but you want someone else to tell you it was wrong, but you know what you did was wrong because you did it!
Monk: Sssh!
Pinocchio: Please forgive me for being a puppet, and not a real boy.
Volpe: (tearing up) I miss my daddy, too!
Felinet: (shushes Volpe and slaps him) You know, it may be possible for you to become a real boy.
Pinocchio: How?
Felinet: All you need is a miracle!
Pinocchio: What's a miracle?
Volpe: (buts in) A miracle is - (Felinet puts her hand over his mouth)
Felinet: Miracles make your dreams come true.