ALL A B C D E F G H I J K L M
N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z #


View Quote (to Bishop) Man, **** you, whitey!
View Quote (to Bishop, after offering her anger management counciling) You would do that for me? I appreciate that. I really do. But I think I'd rather you just WASH THE ****ING DISHES AND SHUT THE **** UP! ****ing psychobabble bullshit asshole!
View Quote (To Monty) How many time I gotta tell you man, its the ****in T-Dog yo.
View Quote Calvin: Come on, guys! It's been over 30 minutes, where's my chicken sandwich?
Floyd: **** you, bitch!
Calvin: What the **** did I ever do you, man?
Floyd: [Picks up a piece of chicken with his tongs and sings into it] "Eat at Shenaniganz, enjoy your food! Eat at Shenaniganz, Calvin works here!"
Calvin: Oh, yeah, that's sanitary.
View Quote Calvin: You really are an asshole!
Monty: Shenaniganz!
View Quote Mitch: Hey, could you turn down the music for a minute?
Man: Hold on.
Mitch: Would you turn the music down for a second?
Man: Dude, chill!
Mitch: WOULD YOU TURN DOWN [Turns off the stereo himself] THE ****ING MUSIC!? JESUS! THIS IS ****ING BULLSHIT! I HAVE BEEN HERE ALL GODDAMN DAY AND YOU HAVEN'T LET ME SAY ONE THING! NONE OF YOU!!
Monty: Well, damn, Mitch I-
Mitch: Oh no, asshole, you shut the **** up now! It’s my turn to talk! You're all ****ed in the head! All of you!
[To Naomi]
Mitch: I mean you! Change your ****ing tampon and have another drink, you crazy ****ing bitch!
[To Dean]
Mitch: And you! “Waaah, I don’t know what to be when I grow up”! Join the ****ing Army or something! God damn!
[To Calvin]
Mitch: Oh, and you... You know what? You're too easy.
[To Amy]
Mitch: Oh and you, whining ALL GODDAMN DAY about Dean! You’re hot! Quit acting so ****ing pathetic!
[To Monty]
Mitch: And you… **** YOU, MONTY! ALWAYS GOTTA BE RIGHT WITH YOUR LITTLE QUIPS! We get it man, you're ****ing edgy and cool! Yeah! You're the COOLEST ****ING GUY AT SHENANIGANZ! WHEEEEW!!! That’s like being the most smartest kid with Down syndrome! Oh yeah, and why aren’t you in jail? [To Natasha] I mean, what are you? 13, 14?
Monty: She’s almost 18...
Mitch: You know what? **** this! You all suck. I quit.
[Walks to the door and stops]
Mitch: Oh, yeah. There is one more thing. [Points to Floyd] You. You are the biggest piece of shit in this entire restaurant and I hope you burn in Hell.
[Everyone is looking at at Floyd]
Floyd: Me? What-What the **** did I do to you, man? Seriously?!
[Mitch bends over, and as everyone looks back at Mitch, they groan and exclaim in surprise]
Raddimus: THE GOAT! The Goat, you bastard!
[Mitch then pulls up his pants and walks out the door]
Mitch: ****ing ****s.
Monty: ...That was the SHIT! [runs after Mitch] Mitch! Mitch! Stop please. Look, look. Stop, stop. Okay I am sorry, and I hearby swear my undying allegiance to you. You are the ****ing man.
View Quote Monty: [Amy returns from a tougue-lashing from The Bitch customer] Women troubles, Amy?
Amy: I don't understand what could cause someone to act like such a bitch to a total stranger!
Monty: Maybe she was sexually abused as a child.
Amy: Oh God, I ****ing hope so!
View Quote Monty: Hello, Natasha. How's my favorite little minor doing today?
Natasha: Hungover. I got so shitfaced last night.
Monty: On a school night? Kids today.
View Quote Monty: Oh, Tyla, every time I see you, I wish I was a lesbian.
Tyla: That's so interesting, because every time I see you, I'm glad I'm a lesbian.
View Quote Monty: So, what do you think of Natasha?
Dean: I think she's illegal.
Monty: I know, I've made peace with that. But look at her. You just KNOW she has that Scooby-Doo tongue.
Dean: [In Scooby-Doo voice] Ratuatory rape!
View Quote [To the chefs in the kitchen]
Monty: Gentlemen, we have got our first official bi-atch of the day!
Serena: Oh, come on, guys. She wasn't THAT bad, was she?
Monty: Well, Amy, it's your table. [Holds his thumb out horizontally] The choice is yours.
[The cooks hold their thumbs out in the same position as Monty] Amy: She...[Starts to give a thumbs-up, but then switches to a thumbs-down] Is a ****ing bitch, DO IT!
[Cooks laugh as they prepare to sabotage The Bitch customer's food.]
View Quote What happens in the kitchen, ends up on the plate.
View Quote [In the bathroom with Mitch, his shirt off] I know what you're thinking now. You think we're all gay, don't you? Think we're all just a bunch of deviant lifestyle-living same-sex having mother****ers, am I right? Well, listen. You can put that ****y baby to bed right now. None of the guys that work here are gay. [Puts his shirt back on] I mean, I'll stick my finger up my ass every now and then when I'm feeling a little squirelly, but that's about the extent of it.
View Quote [Regarding Nick and T-Dog] Those guys should be sterilized, and I'm not kidding at all.
View Quote All right everybody, listen up, from here on out, Mitch is a made man. Anyone who has anything different to say, Nick and T-Dog will ****in' cut you!