Waiting... quotes
Page 1 of 5You would do that for me? I appreciate that. I really do. But I think I'd rather you just WASH THE **** DISHES AND SHUT THE **** UP! **** psychobabble bullshit asshole!
Hello, sir. My name is Monty, this is my trainee, Mitch. How are you doing today?
I'm slipping gradually into senility.
Really? [Takes a seat across from the old man] Do you consider that a good thing or a bad thing?
Well, it's a mixed bag. It's...good in the sense that I can take walks in my underwear. I can give small children the middle finger, but as long as I look happy while I'm doing it, people just assume I'm senile.
Yeah? So, what's the bad?
Well, sometimes I give small children the middle finger and don't realize I'm doing it until someone slaps me...so I really am going senile.
Well, Alzheimer's can't be all bad: You get a chance to meet new people every day.
I like you, Monty.
I like you too, sir.
I like you too, Monty.
So, what can I get you to drink?
I trust you.
You know what? You can count on me, sir.
I don't even care if he gives me a poor tip, that is the coolest old man I've met in my entire life.
So, are you going to take the assistant manager's job?
Dean Wait, you know about that?
Are you **** kidding me, in this place? The people who have the day off already know about it.
Come on, guys! It's been over 30 minutes, where's my chicken sandwich?
**** you, bitch!
What the **** did I ever do you, man?
"Eat at Shenaniganz, enjoy your food! Eat at Shenaniganz, Calvin works here!"
Oh, yeah, that's sanitary.
You really are an asshole!
Shenaniganz!
Mitch Hey, could you turn down the music for a minute?
Hold on.
Mitch Would you turn the music down for a second?
Dude, chill!
Mitch WOULD YOU TURN DOWN [Turns off the stereo himself] THE **** MUSIC!? JESUS! THIS IS **** BULLSHIT! I HAVE BEEN HERE ALL GODDAMN DAY AND YOU HAVEN'T LET ME SAY ONE THING! NONE OF YOU!!
Well, damn, Mitch I-
Mitch Oh no, asshole, you shut the **** up now! It’s my turn to talk! You're all **** in the head! All of you!
Mitch I mean you! Change your **** tampon and have another drink, you crazy **** bitch!
Mitch And you! “Waaah, I don’t know what to be when I grow up”! Join the **** Army or something! God damn!
Mitch Oh, and you... You know what? You're too easy.
Mitch Oh and you, whining ALL GODDAMN DAY about Dean! You’re hot! Quit acting so **** pathetic!
Mitch And you… **** YOU, MONTY! ALWAYS GOTTA BE RIGHT WITH YOUR LITTLE QUIPS! We get it man, you're **** edgy and cool! Yeah! You're the COOLEST **** GUY AT SHENANIGANZ! WHEEEEW!!! That’s like being the most smartest kid with Down syndrome! Oh yeah, and why aren’t you in jail? [To Natasha] I mean, what are you? 13, 14?
She’s almost 18...
Mitch You know what? **** this! You all suck. I quit.
Mitch Oh, yeah. There is one more thing. [Points to Floyd] You. You are the biggest piece of shit in this entire restaurant and I hope you burn in Hell.
THE GOAT! The Goat, you bastard!
Mitch **** ****s.
...That was the SHIT! [runs after Mitch] Mitch! Mitch! Stop please. Look, look. Stop, stop. Okay I am sorry, and I hearby swear my undying allegiance to you. You are the **** man.
Amy I don't understand what could cause someone to act like such a bitch to a total stranger!
Maybe she was sexually abused as a child.
Amy Oh God, I **** hope so!
Hello, Natasha. How's my favorite little minor doing today?
Natasha Hungover. I got so shitfaced last night.
On a school night? Kids today.
Oh, Tyla, every time I see you, I wish I was a lesbian.
Tyla That's so interesting, because every time I see you, I'm glad I'm a lesbian.
So, what do you think of Natasha?
Dean I think she's illegal.
I know, I've made peace with that. But look at her. You just KNOW she has that Scooby-Doo tongue.
Dean Ratuatory rape!
Oh, come on, guys. She wasn't THAT bad, was she?
Well, Amy, it's your table. [Holds his thumb out horizontally] The choice is yours.
Amy She...[Starts to give a thumbs-up, but then switches to a thumbs-down] Is a **** bitch, DO IT!
[Cooks laugh as they prepare to sabotage The Bitch customer's food.]
What happens in the kitchen, ends up on the plate.
I know what you're thinking now. You think we're all gay, don't you? Think we're all just a bunch of deviant lifestyle-living same-sex having mother****ers, am I right? Well, listen. You can put that ****y baby to bed right now. None of the guys that work here are gay. [Puts his shirt back on] I mean, I'll stick my finger up my ass every now and then when I'm feeling a little squirelly, but that's about the extent of it.