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Monty quotes

View Quote Correct me if I'm wrong, but haven’t I been inside you?
View Quote Come on, Mom. Of course I'm being safe. I pull out.
View Quote You think I want to have kids? Absolutely not. That's why I stick to anal sex.
View Quote Dean, doesn't my mom look old? I mean, much older than she rightfully should?
View Quote Nothing worse than going to the back room for some condiments and ending up staring at a huge, steamy pile of ****. [Shudders]
View Quote Mitch, you picked a ****ed-up night to start working here.
View Quote I'd do her (Amy). Hell I'd probably even pay. [chuckles] ...I would.
View Quote It's okay, I understand how it works. Birds of a feather flock to vagina.
View Quote That's Naomi, and she's been working here WAY too long. But, she's actually a pretty sweet girl...when she's drunk.
View Quote [Regarding Nick and T-Dog] Those guys should be sterilized, and I'm not kidding at all.
View Quote I guess we should feel some sort of guilt, but she broke the cardinal rule: Don't **** with people who handle your food.
View Quote OH, WHAT-THE-****-EVER!
View Quote Everyone knows that I'm orally fixated, and you can't deny that I played your vagina like a violin.
View Quote With women, it's always one of two things. Either they won't sleep with you, and then there's really no need to ever call them again. Or they DO sleep with you... and then there's really no need to ever call them again.
View Quote Women. They're so ****ing wiley.
View Quote It's like a horrible time paradox, where neither our wisdom, nor your virginity ever escape.
View Quote [In the bathroom with Mitch, his shirt off] I know what you're thinking now. You think we're all gay, don't you? Think we're all just a bunch of deviant lifestyle-living same-sex having mother****ers, am I right? Well, listen. You can put that ****y baby to bed right now. None of the guys that work here are gay. [Puts his shirt back on] I mean, I'll stick my finger up my ass every now and then when I'm feeling a little squirelly, but that's about the extent of it.
View Quote And as if some kind of slut magic, POOF, you appear at my door
View Quote All right everybody, listen up, from here on out, Mitch is a made man. Anyone who has anything different to say, Nick and T-Dog will ****in' cut you!
View Quote Did you see the tits at table 12?
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