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VeggieTales: Gideon Tuba Warrior

VeggieTales: Gideon Tuba Warrior quotes

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A Snoodle's Tale Butterbun (Scooter the Carrot): Your special just the way God made you. God: And lastly your wings. You know what they're for. But not just to fly, son. I want you to soar!
An Easter Carol Millward (Larry): Is that one supposed to be me? Because I'm not that fat. Mr. Nezzer: Its a bug! A big bug! Hope: Do I look like a bug to you? Mr. Nezzer: (after looking at the clock) Yep, I'm just going to stay awake. I'm not tired at all. I'm just going to stay wiiidddee....(snores) Mr. Nezzer: Here we go! 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2... Hit it! Cavis (Bob): Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!!! Mr. Nezzer and Cavis: Aaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!!!! Mr. Nezzer: Whew! We made it!
Are You My Neighbor? (Bob and Larry beam into Junior's bedroom via spaceship) Junior Asparagus: Aah! Who are you? Bob the Tomato: I'm Bob. I'm a tomato, and I need your help! Junior: Whoa...
Dave And the Giant Pickle (A sheep falls over by Jimmy) Jimmy Gourd: Oh, Dave! One of my sheep fell over! Will you come pick it up for me? Dave (Junior Asparagus): (struggling to pick up another sheep) I'm kinda busy right now. Jimmy: (miffed) Do you remember the time we dipped you in tar and stuck you to the backside of an angry water buffalo? Dave: I'll be right there! (Another sheep falls over by Tom) Tom Grape: Hey, Dave! One of my sheep fell, too! Dave: Just a minute! (Jerry knocks over a row of sheep) Jerry Gourd: (smugly) Oh, look! All of my sheep fell over. Dave!! Jimmy: Oh, Dave! After you pick up our sheep, could you run and get me a bite to eat? I'm famished! Jerry: Oh, yeah! Me, too! Get me something, too! Jimmy: You know, sometimes I think I could eat a whole camel! Jerry: Oh, yeah? Well, sometimes I think I could eat a whole spaceship! Jimmy: (confused) Uh, what's a spaceship? Jerry: I have no idea. (The Philistines, portrayed by the French Peas, are taunting the Israelites from across the battlefield) Jean-Claude: Hello, Israelites! You are pigs, and soon we will put apples in your mouths and stick you in our toaster ovens! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Christophe: Ah, yes, after we defeat you, you will be our slaves and you will have to fetch us our slippers. Jean-Claude: Yes, and iron our trousers! Christophe: Ho-ho, and wipe our little noses. Jean-Claude: Ha-ha, and scratch that spot on our backs that we cannot reach no matter how hard we try. Ha! (no response from the Israelites) Don't you have anything to say? Jimmy: Um... Do you guys have any fried chicken? I've got a real hankering for fried chicken. Jerry: Yeah, me, too! Jean-Claude: (to Christophe) This is going to be easier than we thought. Goliath: Who will fight me?! Dave: I will fight you, Goliath! Jimmy: (to Tom and Jerry) You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say that sounded like Dave! Tom: (laughs) Well, yeah! (spots Dave running out onto the battlefield) You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say that looks like Dave! Dave's Brothers: (shocked) Huh?! (Dave smiles at his brothers) DAVE?! (Jimmy faints) Bob the Tomato: (narrating) Goliath was equally surprised. Goliath: Who said that? Dave: (clears throat) I did! Goliath: Huh? (sees Dave) Oh ho ho! Am I a dog that you come at me with sticks? (Philistines laugh) Dave: I don't exactly know what you mean, but you are not a dog! You're just a really big guy who wants to beat me up! And I come at you not with sticks, but in the name of the God of Israel, who this day will help me defeat you! Goliath: We will see who defeats who! Now we fight! Jean-Claude: It's showtime!
Duke and the Great Pie War Petunia: Whoops, [laughs] missed the door. Duke (Larry): Bye, I got my hat now. Otis: You are lucky Duke, but watch out for yourself this time! Duke: No Otis! I'm going to look out for someone else first! That's true love! Otis: That's crazy! Otis: Ahh! I can't see! [screams, thud] Duke: We'll be family, Petunia. And I'll take care of you forever. [Petunia giggles]
Esther...The Girl Who Became Queen [Haman (Mr. Lunt) wakes up Queen Vashti in the middle of the night.] Queen Vashti: Oh... Who is it? Haman: Um... Uh, Your Highness, ah... The king was wondering if you could make him a sandwich. Queen Vashti: It's three o'clock in the morning. Haman: Ah... Yeah. But, uh, he says that he's the king, and whatever he says goes. Queen Vashti: Well, I'm the queen, and the king can make his own sandwich. Haman: Okay. [Haman throws Queen Vashti out of the castle.] Queen Vashti: [angrily] You can't do this to me!! I'm the queen!! Haman: Oh, yeah? [throws her luggage at her] The king can do whatever he wants! He's the king! And don't come back! King Xerxes (Mr. Nezzer): Don't you think that might have been a little harsh? Haman: Oh, no way. If she got away with that, no one would listen to you. King Xerxes: Well, what am I gonna do now? 'Haman: It looks like we're going to have to find you a new queen. King Xerxes: Hmm... Make me a sandwich. Haman: You know, we both work for the king, but compared to me, you are a g-nat. Mordecai (Pa Grape): It's a "G". Silent. It's "nat". Haman: Are you calling me a g-nat?! Mordecai: No. Just correctin' your pronunciation. Haman: ARE YOU CALLING ME STUPID?! Mordecai: Uh, no? Haman: You get in the wagon! You, bow to me! Mordecai (Pa Grape): Uh, no! Haman: Bow! Mordecai: No! Haman: BOW! Mordecai: I bow to no one except my God and my king! Haman: What should the punishment be for these two dangerous criminals, the most wanted peas in Persia, who appeared before you uninvited and tried to drop a piano on your head? King Xerxes: Well... Uh, let's see. It probably should be pretty stiff, huh? What do you think? Haman: I say, the punishment should be... Banishment to the Island of Perpetual Tickling!! [Markus (Larry), Mordecai, Esther, and Xerxes are all shocked.] Teresh: You don't mean... Bigthen: ...the island where you are tickled day and night?! Teresh: Night and day?! Bigthen: Without stop?! Teresh: Not even if you say "pretty please"?!? Bigthen and Teresh: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!! [The Grim Tickler enters the room, and tickles the Peaoni Brothers with his large feather as he takes them away to the Island of Perpetual Tickling.] (Mordecai is walking when he spots the edict ordering him to be banished) Mordecai: Huh? What's this? (reads the edict) OY! (grabs the edict and runs back to the palace) ESSIE!!!! ESSIE! ESSIE! Esther: Cousin Mordecai? What is it? Mordecai: Oh, he's done it! He's finally done it! Esther: Who? Done what? Mordecai: Look! (shows Esther the edict) Esther: What's this? Mordecai: It's an edict! In just a few days, all of us, our whole family, will be sent to the Island of Perpetual Tickling! Esther: What?! Who... Who did this? Mordecai: Oh, who do you think? Haman! I told you he hates us! Hates our whole family! And-and now he's done it! He got the King to sign this, and-and we'll all be banished!
Gideon: Tuba Warrior Gideon (Larry): I'M AFRAID OF THE DARK! Angle (Pa Grape): To tell you the truth, so am I. Gideon: [in high-pitched voice] I scream like a girl. Bob: Wiggle Turtle Tubies? They look taller on TV. Pea: So do you, tomato!
God Wants Me to Forgive Them!?! (Tom and Rosie begin slinging nonsensical insults at each other) Tom Grape: Hey! What'd you do that for? Rosie Grape: I didn't do it! You did, ya big possum head! Tom: I did not, you taco salad rabbit nose! Rosie: You did too, casserole-head, pimento-loaf, iguana boy! Tom: Pa! Pa Grape: Now, Rose, apologize to your brother. Rosie: Huh? What for? Pa: Well, you know he just turned 18 years old. Rosie: Yeah, so? Pa: So that would make him a casserole-head, pimento-loaf, iguana man! Rosie: Oh, yeah, sorry about that, (under breath) cabbage-nosed Elvis puppy. Tom: Yeah, and don't you forget it! Bob the Tomato: Boy, I sure am glad they got that straightened out. Larry the Cucumber: Yep, the grapes were really sorry this time, so once again, Junior forgave them. (The scenes cuts back to the story) Junior Asparagus: (angrily) What?! Larry (voice-over): I said, "once again, Junior forgave them." Junior: Are you serious?!? (The scene cuts back to the Countertop) Larry: Well, I think so. Bob am I serious? Bob: Oh yeah, Larry. Yeah, y-you're serious. Mmm-hmm. (The scene cuts back to the story) Junior: I'm supposed to forgive them again? After what they just did to me?! (The scene cuts back to the Countertop) Larry: Well, uh... yeah. (The scene cuts back to the story) Junior: Sure, I forgave them for calling me "Bean Boy" and saying I had cheese on my head. But now they're making fun of my name and they laughed when the hoe almost smacked my face CLEEEEAAAAN off, and then the truck picked me up and threw me in the sand! And you're telling me, I'm supposed to forgive them AGAIN!?! Bob: Well, does anybody know what 70 × 7 is? Ma Grape: Nine? Pa: Let's see, I remember from college, it was, uh... π, r... oy! Tom: Was it two? Or maybe... Seven? Rosie: 490! All: Ooh! Dad Asparagus: Now, that's one smart grape. (Bob and Larry begin to tell the tale of
Josh And the Big Wall (The defenders of Jericho, played by the French Peas, are taunting the Israelites from atop the city's great wall) Josh (Larry the Cucumber): Who are you? Jean-Claude: Who are we? I think we should ask. Who are you? Josh: Oh, um... I am Joshua. And these are the children of Israel. Philippe: Ooh! Hello, children! Jimmy Gourd: Hi! Philippe: It was nice to meet you. Now go away! Jean-Claude: Yes! (blows raspberry) Josh: (clears throat) No, you don't understand. God has given us this land for our new home. So, well... you're gonna have to leave. Philippe: (laughs) Did you hear that, Jean-Claude? The little pickle says we have to leave! Josh: I'm a cucumber. Jean-Claude: (laughs) That is hilarious! (clears throat) Let me point something out to you, pickle. We have a wall! Philippe: Uh-huh. Jean-Claude: You do not! Philippe: No! Jean-Claude: If anyone is to be doing the leaving, it will be you! Philippe: Oh, that is right! Josh: Now, listen to me! Our God said that this land was ours, and that all we had to do was follow His directions. So... I'm afraid... if you don't come out, we're gonna have to come in there after you! (Jean-Claude and Philippe laugh.) Jean-Claude: I'd like to see you try! You could never get over our giant wall, (under breath) tiny pickle! Philippe: Yes, tiny pickle! You are not a mighty dill, you are just a baby gherkin! Josh: (feeling insulted) I'm a cucumber! (Jean-Claude and Philippe laugh) Philippe: (bumps his slushie off the edge) Ooh! My slushie! (The slushie hits Jimmy on the head. Josh is appalled) Jimmy: (frustrated) Maybe we should fall back and regroup. (Discouraged by the giant walls of Jericho, the Israelites discuss plans over a campfire) Tom Grape: That's a big wall! Pa Grape: This time, I really mean it! We should go back to Egypt. (everybody looks at him in disbelief) Don't you remember? Snorkeling in the Nile? Three square meals a day? Plenty of exercise? Oh, it was paradise! Tom: We were in slavery. Pa: Nothing is perfect. Jimmy: Listen, kids! That land is rightfully ours! And the only way we're gonna get it is by taking down that wall! Right, Jerry? Jerry Gourd: Uh, yeah. Th-That's right, Jimmy. Jimmy: So Jerry and I are gonna put our heads together and come up with a plan... to take down the wall! Jerry: Yeah! Pa: They are so aggressive. (Josh finishes explaining God's directions to the Israelites) Jimmy: So... we're supposed to hop around the city for seven days, blow our little horns, yell, and the walls are just gonna fall down. Josh: Yep. Those are God's directions. Jimmy: Well... I'm sure that would work great... if the walls were made out of Jell-O! Jerry: Ooh! Then we could eat 'em! Pa: Last call for Egypt! Who's coming with me? Percy Pea: I will! Scooter Carrot: Count me in! Jimmy: Just a minute! I think you'll find our plan a bit more sophisticated. Blowin' horns in the desert isn't gonna do it. What we need is serious firepower. Jerry, the curtain! (Jerry uncovers a tarp to reveal a giant rocket; Scooter, Pa, and Tom gasp in amazement) Behold our creation: the Wallminator 3000! (the Israelites applaud) Tom: How are we clapping? Pa: I have no idea. Tom: Well, Pa? Do you still want to see the pyramids? Pa: I've seen the pyramids. Ha! I built the pyramids! Let's go to Jericho! Bob: The next day, they all set off again to march around Jericho. Now, God never said it would be easy. No, the people of Jericho hit 'em with everything they had. Jean-Claude: Fire one! Fire two! Bob: But the Israelites remembered that they were following God's directions and they kept on marching. Six days they marched and nothing could stop them. On the seventh day, just like God had told them, they marched around Jericho seven times while the priests blew their horns. (" When the Saints Go Marching In" playing) And just like God said, when they finished marching, the priests blew one long blast and then all the people yelled. Israelites: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Pa Grape: (hacking) (birds chirping) French Peas: (chuckling) (thud) (rumbling) French Peas: AHHHH! (crashing down) French Peas: (gasp) Larry: Hello! My name is Joshua, and God has given us this land! French Peas: (screaming) Bob: So the Israelites obeyed God and the walls fell down. Junior: Wow! Bob: Finally, after 40 years, they were in their new home. Jimmy: Ow! Oh! Boy, did I pick a lousy day to wear my contacts! (last lines) Larry: (yawns) Is it time for the show? (the lights and Qwerty's monitor screen turns off) Aw, nuts.
King George and the Ducky Jerry: You want a piece of me?! King George (Larry): We did it! Oh now, now, now I'm happy! King George: What's that? Melvin (Pa Grape): Its a flannelgraph, to illustrate. George and Louis (Bob): Ooh! Flannelgraph!
Larry Boy and the Rumor Weed LarryBoy: (emerges from shadow) I believe you have something that belongs to those boys. Milk Money Bandit (Scallion 3): Well I... (starts backing up, but comes face-to-face) Who are you? LarryBoy: (sternly) I'm LarryBoy. (he uses his super suction ear on the Milk Money Bandit and hangs him over the edge) Milk Money Bandit: Ah! Uh, what are you going to do? LarryBoy: It's not nice to take people's milk money! (he turns the Milk Money Bandit upside down) Milk Money Bandit: Hey! Take it easy, fella! Don't get crazy! (he starts shaking him) HEY!! WHOA!! Ooh! Aah! Ooh! (milk money dropped out of the bandit's pocket and landed back to the peas, and he turns him back up) I ain't feeling so good. (he starts hopping) Hey, hey. Hey! Where are we going? You can't do this! I've got rights! Hey! Hey! (Officer Scooter standing in front of the police car, the Milk Money Bandit falls in) Scooter: AAAAAHH!!! It's another space alien! (Milk Money Bandit chuckles nervously) Oh, it's the Milk Money Bandit. We've been looking for you for months. Thanks, Larry-Boy. The Weed: [sings] I'm a rumor weed! I'm a rumor weed! A tiny little story is all I need to make a big mess! I'm a rumor weed! Larry: (he sees the Weed on the flowerbed) Hey! You're a weed! The Weed: That's right, but did you hear about Alfred? Larry: Oh, Alfred's gonna be mad! He hates weeds in his flowerbed! The Weed: Yeah, but, did you hear about Alfred? Larry: You better get out of here, before Alfred comes back! The Weed: You're not listening to me! Did you hear... Ugh. Alfred: (off-screen) Master Larry! It's the Mayor! She says it's urgent! Larry: I'll be right there! (to The Weed) I gotta go. Hold that thought. LarryBoy: Okay. I can do this. I am... after all... a superhero! (then he notices the Weed sitting) Oh, look! It's just a little one! (he hops over to the Weed) What was I so nervous about? You've met your match, Weed! I'm gonna take you, and I'm gonna... (The Mother Weed reveals herself behind him. LarryBoy looks up and gets scared.) LarryBoy: Mother! Alfred: (stops beside Scooter's police car) Oh, yes! Officer, I need your help! LarryBoy is battling a giant weed in the sewer system... Scooter: AAAAAAHH!!! The robot! (he starts engine and drives away) Alfred: I'm not a robot, I'm... British! LarryBoy: I'm warning you! I'm a super...! (gets thrown against the wall) ...hero. Mother Weed: Face it! You can't stop this weed; thanks to your friends out there, I'm getting bigger by the minute! HahahahahaMWAHAHAHA!!! The Weed: Soooo, did you hear the one about Alfred? LarryBoy: What? Crowd: What a nice man! Alfred: Aaaahh! Mayor Blueberry: We're sorry for thinking that you were a robot. Mr. Nezzer: We didn't even ask you if it was true! Alfred: Oh, I forgive you... I forgive you all! (looks around) Has anybody seen LarryBoy? (A beat-up LarryBoy drags himself out of the sewers by his plunger-ears) LarryBoy: Hey, Alfred... everyone... someone was telling me that you were a robot- (Everybody shushes him loudly)
LarryBoy and the Bad Apple LarryBoy: Remember kid. With great chocolate comes great responsibility. LarryBoy: There's nothing wrong with playing video games, but you let this video game play you. Petunia: I know! I want out!
LarryBoy! And the Fib From Outer Space Dad: (after Junior sings "It's Laura's Fault") Oh... My. Well if that's what you say happened, well, I trust you, Junior. But I'm very surprised at Laura. I'm gonna have to call her father right away. (Larry and Alfred are playing
Lord of the Beans Billboy (Archibald): Today is my twelvety-twoth birthday. 122 years is too short a time to live among such fine folk. I'm twice as tall as half of you and half as short as twice of you. Ahem (Mr. Lunt): [as he chases Toto (Junior) for the bean] It's mine, I tell you! It's mine! Give it to me! Give it back! Toto: Randalf! I know why the elders sent me here! They want me to help! [Scaryman (Scallion #1) captures Toto and puts his sword in front of him.] Scaryman: Good thought, but wrong! Randalf (Mr. Nezzer): Scaryman! Scaryman: The elders sent you here because I told them to. Randalf: What? Toto: What? Scaryman: Everyone has something they're sure they can't live without. [looks at the Fellowship] For some, it's fame or fortune, [looks at Ahem] for others, a life of ease. For a certain ancient tree, it happens to be jewels, something of which I have in abundance. Randalf: You bribed them? Scaryman: Yes. They got what they want, and I get what I want. Ha! Use your gift to help people, how quaint! I hope you've learned your lesson, boy. Life is short. If you have a gift, use it for yourself before you've lost it and it's too late. [Scaryman pushes Toto aside and takes the bean.] Scaryman: Ha! Too late! [laughs evilly] Billboy: You're wrong, Scaryman! Scaryman: What? Who said that? Billboy: You're wrong, Scaryman! Scaryman: Who- Show yourself! Where are you? [Billboy charges at Scaryman and knocks him to the ground. He catches the bean.] Toto: Uncle Billboy! Randalf: Billboy? Billboy: Hello, Toto! [[Scaryman tries to reach for his sword, but Ear-A-Corn (Larry) blocks it from him.] Ear-A-Corn: Not so fast, scary guy! Scaryman: Sporks, save me! [The Other Elf (Jerry), who's with the sporks, shakes his head.] Spork: Cookie man say no! Scaryman: Oh, bother. Toto (Junior): I want to fix this land!
Lyle the Kindly Viking Omelet (Jimmy Gourd): But soft, 'tis Ophelia. (no response; Omelet repeats with emphasis) But soft! Tis Ophelia! Mr. Lunt: (from off-stage, wearing a pink dress) But I don't wanna do it! It's embarrassing! Arcibald Asparagus: Don't be ridiculous! It's tradition! In Shakespeare's day, all the women's roles were played by men! (shoves Lunt out onto the stage) Mr. Lunt: I think we're gonna get letters about this... (in character) 'Tis I, the fair Ophelia. Omelet: To eat or not to eat, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler to share my eggs cooked light and fluffy, or to scarf down the whole thing myself. To share, or not to share. Percy Pea: You guess where my
Madame Blueberry Bob: Larry. How much stuff do you need to be happy? Larry: I don't know. How much stuff is there? Narrator: And now it's time for Silly Songs with Larry, the part of the show where Larry comes out and sings- Archibald: Just a moment! Wait! Stop talking! (Archibald runs out on stage as a bear-trapped Larry stands and watches) Excuse me, I have an announcement. Ahem... Because of the high standard we on this show strive to adhere to, and as a result of the disastrous outcome of the previous Silly Song, management has decided to review compositions from other performers for this segment. Several artists were screened and we chose one based on the applicant's sense of artistry and all-around proprietary. Thank you. Larry: So what are you saying? Archibald: I'm saying that Silly Songs is cancelled until further notice. Larry: (blinks in disbelief) Oh yeah?! Well, how'm I supposed to get out of this bear trap? Archibald: I'm sure you'll figure something out. (Construction peas move a new title card into view) Narrator: And now it's time for Love Songs with Mr. Lunt, the part of the show where Mr. Lunt comes out and sings a love song. Bob: Well, that about does it for me! What do you say we head home? Madame Blueberry: Oh! There are whole aisles we haven't even seen yet! No! I am not leaving until I have everything I need to be happy! Madame Blueberry: (seeing her house about to tip) My house! Larry: It's so stuffed full of stuff, it's getting too heavy for the tree! Bob: We've gotta stop those deliveries before it's too late! Come on, Larry! Grab a cart! [Bob and Madame Blueberry drive two respective shopping carts, while Larry is left sitting in a shopping basket.] [Bob and Larry are crying] Bob: Oh that was beautiful! Larry: Hold me Bob! Bob: I would if I could, man! Jean Claude: Pull yourselves together! Phillipe: Yes, you have a show to wrap up! Bob: Oh, you're right... I'm sorry, where were we? Larry: [sniffling] Madame Blueberry..! Bob and Larry: [crying] Jean Claude: All right! That does it! Cue the music! Phillipe: Unless, of course, you have any objections... Bob: No... I don't care... go ahead...
Minnesota Cuke and the Search for Samson's Hairbrush Percy Pea: [to Lil' Pea, after Gourdon threatens to pound the kids] Have you ever been pounded? Lil' Pea: A cousin of mine was. He's soup now. Gourdon: Aw, this is lame. I don't even like this lousy, old playground. I'm going home to play video games. Minnesota (Larry): First, a chocolate Malta. Julia (Petunia): Malt. Minnesota: Right. Chocolate. Julia: No, it's malt. Not Malta. Minnesota: What? Julia: Malt is a desert, Malta is an island. Minnesota: But with an Italian accent, they're both the same. Minnesota: [calling Martin (Bob)] Martin? Martin? Martin: I'm here, Cuke! What's wrong? Did you get a haircut? Minnesota: Never mind that! Where's the park guy? Martin: Huh? He was here a second ago. I guess he slipped out. Tell me! What's going on? Minnesota: Good, he wouldn't want to hear this anyway. It's bad news, Martin. Martin: Would you just tell me already? Minnesota: He was here, Martin! And he's after the brush! Martin: Who? Minnesota: Professor Rattan! Martin: Okay. Now, don't panic, Minnesota. Remember, he's a bully. We can deal with him. Minnesota: Just a bully?! He's more than that! He's my enemy!! Martin: Calm down. The Bible says we should love our enemies. Minnesota: Love?! Love our enemies?! Martin: Everybody can't go around all the time trying to get even. That would leave the whole world in a mess. Let's just figure out what to do next. Minnesota: I'll tell you what we're gonna do, Martin. I'm gonna get that brush first, and I'm gonna use its power to defeat all the bullies in the world! I'm gonna teach them a lesson they'll never forget! Martin: But, Minnesota! Minnesota: See ya in the funny papers, Martin.
Moe and the Big Exit Moe (Larry): High ho sliver away! Aaron (Archibald): Let my people go! Narrator: Some matches are made in phosphorus factories, while others are made in heaven. Either way, it all starts with a little chemistry. Bill (Sheriff's Guards): Heh, Yeah right... Moe (Larry): I got it! I'll save you, unbelievable! Bill (Sheriff's Guards): Oof... Ahhhhhh!!!!!!! [splash, gasps, coughs]
Pistachio – The Little Boy That Woodn't Confetti the Fox (Scallion #1): For a thousand gold coins, here is question number three: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Pistachio (Junior): Huh? I don't know that! Nobody knows that! Confetti: Then you shouldn't have risked everything. [Charlie Pincher pulls a lever that sends Pistachio down the rollercoaster, and onto the catapult.] Pistachio: But... But you said you wouldn't steer me wrong! Confetti: No. We said "Why would we steer you wrong?", and the answer is... Five. Gold. Coins. [Charlie pushes the lever that makes the catapult fling Pistachio into the ocean.] Pistachio: [screams] Confetti, Purina the Cat (Scallion #2), and Charlie: [laugh] Purina: High five! Confetti: No hands, numbskull. Carrot: Oh, hey there, cricket! Khalil: I am not a cricket! I am a caterpillar! Carrot: Silly cricket. Pistachio: Huh? Cricket!? Khalil: I am not a- Pistachio! You are alive! Pistachio: I'm looking for Gelato! Khalil: Me too! That's why I left home by myself in this big, mean caterpillar-eating world! Pistachio: I don't eat caterpillars. Khalil: Good. I hear we are quite tasty. Pistachio: Who's with the ducklings? Khalil: Oh. A good friend is helping me out. [Madame Blueberry is looking after the ducklings.] Madame Blueberry: No, I'm a blueberry. But I get that all the time. Duckling: Quack? Madame Blueberry: No, I never played
Rack, Shack & Benny Grandpa George: Heh! The Nezzer Chocolate Bunny! Every day, they make 14,638 of these li'l fellers, give or take a few. Oh yeah, Mr. Nezzer! Nebby K. Nezzer. But you better call him Mr. Nezzer. Now, Mr. Nezzer's not a bad man, he just gets confused sometimes. Why, his chocolate bunnies are sellin' so well, I think he's gotten a little big for his britches. And that's saying something, so his britches'll break out to start out with. What's all that have to do with Rack, Shack & Benny? Well, their troubles started when Mr. Nezzer made a little announcement. [A bell that sounds like a school bell is heard ringing, and a TV monitor lowers from the ceiling. Mr. Nezzer appears on the screen.] Mr. Nezzer: Attention, little people! I have an announcement! This morning, the Nezzer Chocolate Factory has shipped its two-millionth chocolate bunny! To celebrate this momentous occasion, for the next 30 minutes, everyone may eat as many bunnies they want! Bon appétit! Mr. Lunt: (operating the TV camera) Hey, boss, that's awfully nice of you to give away all those bunnies. Mr. Nezzer: Oh, if I could just see the looks on their faces right now. (takes a rest) (Rack, Shack & Benny are the only ones in the factory not lying ill from eating too much chocolate) Mr. Nezzer: Everybody else is lying down, but you three are standing up. Mr. Lunt: Actually, boss, I think the tomato is sitting. Rack (Bob the Tomato): I'm standing. Mr. Lunt: Sitting! Rack: Look, (squats) this is sitting... (stretches up) and this is standing. I'm standing. Mr. Lunt: Okay, he's standing. Mr. Nezzer: What're your names, boys? Rack: I'm Shadrach. Shack (Junior Asparagus) I'm Meshach. Benny (Larry the Cucumber): I'm Abumblebee... Abennyboo... I'm Benny. (Having finished demonstrating "The Bunny Song", Mr. Nezzer looks to the boys for feedback) Mr. Nezzer: Well? What do you think? Rack: Um... what would happen, let's say, if someone didn't quite agree with everything in that song, so they, um... didn't sing it? What would happen? Mr. Nezzer: What's that over there? Shack: That's the furnace. Mr. Nezzer: What's it for? Benny: Well, that's where the bad bunnies go. Mr. Nezzer: And let's just say, in my mind, if you don't bow down and sing the song, you're a BAD bunny. Rack: (unnerved) You don't mean...? Mr. Nezzer: But I'm sure that won't happen. It's almost time for the ceremony. I'll see you out there. (Everyone, except Rack, Shack and Benny, bows down as the intro music to "The Bunny Song" plays) Mr. Lunt: (notices that Rack, Shack and Benny aren't bowing) Hey, boss? Those three guys, they don't look like they're bowing. Mr. Nezzer: (confused) Hmm... aren't those our new Junior Executives? Mr. Lunt: I think so. Maybe they're stuck. Mr. Nezzer: Let's find out. (moves the podium over to Rack, Shack and Benny) I said, it's time to sing "The Bunny Song." (The factory's delivery girl, Laura Carrot, notices the situation) Laura: Come on, guys, sing the song! Everybody's doing it. Mr. Nezzer: (with increasing frustration) Sing the song! Mr. Lunt: They ain't singing, boss. Mr. Nezzer: (finally on the brink of losing his temper) SING!!!!! (Shack begins singing "Think Of Me") Mr. Nezzer: Is that "The Bunny Song?" Mr. Lunt: (skeptical) No, I don't think so. Laura: (worried) Are you crazy? That's the wrong song! (Shack keeps singing. Rack and Benny join in on the last verse) Mr. Nezzer: (touched) Oh, that was wonderful. I'm gonna be singing that song myself... (suddenly angry) as I throw you into the furnace! GUARDS!!! (Rack, Shack and Benny are shocked) Seize them! Take them to the furnace. (A band of carrot guards approach Rack, Shack and Benny) Laura: I've gotta help them. But how? (Laura sees her flying delivery truck and approaches it as the scene fades out) Grandpa George: (off-camera) Rack, Shack and Benny will be right back, after this short break. (Rack, Shack and Benny are nearly dumped in the furnace, but Laura saves them, and puts them in her flying delivery truck) Laura: Sorry, sir! Can't let you cook my buddies! Mr. Nezzer: GUARDS! Get them! (Two carrot guards jump into their own flying vehicles) Laura: Hang on, guys!
See Also
Sheerluck Holmes and the Golden Ruler Trout (Mr. Nezzer): Move along! Spud (Mr. Lunt): Nothing to see here. Scooter: Sorry to interrupt, Mr. Holmes. But the Golden Ruler has been stolen! [Sheerluck Holmes (Larry) can't understand his accent.] Sheerluck: What? Scooter: I said, sorry to interrupt, but the Golden Ruler has been stolen! Sheerluck: What language are you speaking? Maid: Say! I speak Scottish! He says someone's golden hula is swollen. Jimmy: No. He said the goat and jeweler are out strollin'. Sheerluck: See, I thought I was hearing something about Samoans. Maid: Perhaps coats and stools all go bowling. Jimmy: Folding scooters have been rolling? Scooter: THE... GOLDEN... RULER... HAS BEEN.... STOLEN!!!! All: Ohhh...!
Sumo of the Opera Larry: [singing] Whether whether whether whether, whether you like it or not. Weather weather weather weather, weather is cold warm and hot. St. Patrick: So you see, God is like a shamrock. People: Oh great shamrock, you are powerful St. Patrick: No no no! This is simply a metaphor. People: Oh great metaphor.... St. Patrick: No no no no! God is like a shamrock. Because He is God the father, God the son and God the holy ghost. One God, three persons. [Telephone
The Ballad of Little Joe Little Joe (Larry): Okay. No, I still don't see anything. Jude (Jean Claude): Well then, how about... NOW!?! Little Joe: (gets pushed, and falls into the mineshaft) WHOOOOOOAAAA!!! Little Joe (Larry): Hey! Desperados! You better come to your senses! (muffling) Jude (Jean Claude): Happy trails, dreamer! (all the peas laughing) Baker and Blacksmith (Jimmy and Jerry Gourd): (mumbling in sleep, screaming) Banker (Archibald Asparagus): Ah, anyone here? Oh, yes, dear Baker. I have wonderful news! The Mayor has given you a full pardon. He wants you to resume your duties immediately! Executioner (Scallion 1): And I'm extending an invitation to you, Mr. Blacksmith to join my chain gang up the river! (he laughs an evil laugh and Blacksmith gets terrified, then all exits the scene) Mayor (Mr. Nezzer): (mumbling in sleep, screaming) It was horrible! Just horrible! And it was so real, like it was really happening! Banker: Oh, that's sounds dreadful! At any rate, as I was saying about our bank- Mayor: But what can it mean?! Is there anyone in Dodgeball City who can interpret dreams?! Mayor: [sings] Seven cows sat on a hill, so big and fat. I got my grill. I was thinking about a BBQ. Then seven scrawny ones came along and GULP..The big fat cows were gone. Mayor: You did it, Little Joe. He saved the town! Little Joe (Larry): Yeah...
The Star of Christmas [Cavis (Bob) and Millward (Larry) have accidentally woken up Moyer (Scooter).] Moyer: Hey! You there! What do you think you're doin'?! [Moyer sees that Millward is holding the star's box.] Moyer: [gasps] The star!! [Millward hides the box behind his back] All right! NOW I'M ANGRY!! Millward: It's Moyer the Destroyer! Cavis: Run, Millward! Millward: I'm way ahead of you, Cavis! Moyer: Get back here, you chicken-hearted hooligans! Cavis: See ya, Moyer the Destroyer! Millward Cavis, are you okay? You fell down, and then you fell up! Speak to me! Cavis: Hey, why didn't I see that before? It leads all the way to that window! Okay, Millward. Start climbing! Millward: What? Why do I have to go first? Cavis: Would you rather stay down here with Moyer the Destroyer? Millward: [starts climbing up the ladder] I'm on my way. Moyer: Don't even THINK you can get away! You're trapped like a bug in the queen's sticky buns! Cavis: [climbing the ladder] Millward, just climbing! Millward: He's getting close, Cavis! Cavis: No! Don't lean back, Millward! Millward: He's gettin' real close, Cavis!! [Millward leans back, tipping the ladder back.] Moyer: You're trapped like a dog hanging onto a big, juicy steak that has itself... somehow... become trapped... in some way... Cavis: MILLWARD!!! [Cavis and Millward crash out of the window and scream as they fall through the air.] Laundry Person (Scallion #3): Why does everyone want their laundry picked up at night, all of a sudden? [After he leaves his laundry cart behind, Cavis and Millward land into it.] Millward: Seymour, remember how you promised I could take the rocket car for a ride sometime? Seymour (Pa Grape): Uh, yeah? Millward: It's time!
The Toy That Saved Christmas (The Veggie kids watch intently as a TV commercial plays) Wally P. Nezzer: (dressed as
The Wonderful Wizard of Ha's Darby (Junior): Is there anything really dangerous in these woods? Scarecrow (Mr. Lunt): A friend of mine was in these woods, and he says he saw a fella from Toledo. Tin Man (Larry): You mean, an Ohioan? Scarecrow: Yep. Tin Man: Well, my uncle said he saw one of those guys who play that little flute in the army. Scarecrow: [gasp] A fifer? Tin Man: Uh-huh. Scarecrow: Oh, boy. Not to make matters worse, but I met a fella who knew a guy who says he saw... a mommy horse. Darby: [gasps] Scarecrow: Ohioans. Tin Man: And fifers. Scarecrow: And mares. Darby: Oh, my! Scarecrow: Ohioans. Tin Man: And fifers. Scarecrow: And mares. Darby: Oh, my! Scarecrow and Tin Man: Ohioans, and fifers, and mares! Darby: Oh, my! Scarecrow and Tin Man: Ohioans, and fifers, and mares! Darby: Oh, my! Scarecrow and Tin Man: Ohioans, and fifers, and mares! Darby: Oh, my! Scarecrow and Tin Man: Ohioans, and fifers, and mares! Darby: Oh, my! Scarecrow and Tin Man: Ohioans, and fifers, and- [A lion (played by Pa Grape) roars, then barks like a dog. Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Darby run around screaming in panic.] Tin Man: IT'S AN OHIOAN!!! [Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Darby bump into each other and fall.] Lion: Uh no, that's "lion". Tin Man: Oh, lion. [gasps] Lion?! [Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Darby run around screaming again.] Lion: Oh, stop! I'm not trying to scare ya. I'm just hungry! Tin Man: A hungry lion?! [Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Darby run around screaming again.] Lion: No no! I'm not gonna eat you. I'm just having fun with you. On the count of being so bored.
Tomato Sawyer and Huckleberry Larry's Big River Rescue Little Jimmy: [looking at a record album of "Mama Belle and Little Jimmy"] Mama! Tom (Bob): That's your mama? Little Jimmy: And me! Little Jimmy! Huck (Larry): That's you? [Tom & Huck look at Jimmy seeing he is big now] Little Jimmy: I grew. [Huck is exploring the town of Muscatine.] Huck: [to himself] Wow, what a great town. This place has got it all. Friendly town people, shopping, baby with a signal flare... Huh? [Huck looks and sees that there is, in fact, a baby with a signal flare. Observing further, he sees that everyone in the town has a signal flare. To make matters worse, Huck spots a big "WANTED" billboard for Little Jimmy.] Huck: Ahhh!!! [he backs away from the billboard, only to bump into a policeman] Excuse me. [the policeman turns to Huck, revealing he has a signal flare, too; Huck backs up, and knocks over an n entire cart of signal flares] Oh! Really sorry about that! [Huck bumps into the old man he met from earlier.] Huck: Excuse me. Old Man: Hey, is there somethin’ I can help you with, Sonny? [He adjusts his hat with a signal flare. Huck sees it, screams, and runs away frightened, catching the baby’s attention. Cut to Tom and Little Jimmy on the dock.] Tom: You play any football in high school? You got the size for it. Little Jimmy: No. I was in musicals. Tom: Really? [Huck comes rushing toward them.] Huck: Tom! T-Tom! [The baby suddenly spots Little Jimmy, and starts crying loudly as he whacks against his carriage.] Huck: TOM! Whoa! [Huck collides with Tom and Little Jimmy, and the three tumble down the stairs back onto the raft. The baby stops fussing and looks at his signal flare.] Huck: [grabs the paddle] We gotta get outta here! [pushes the raft away from the dock] Tom: W-What are you doing? Huck?!? What’s going on?! Huck: BEWARE THE BABIES!!! [A signal flare shoots into the sky with a loud whistle and explodes into a firework. The baby laughs. Huck looks up in horror.] Little Jimmy: Oooh...pretty. Tom: Eh-hehh... eh, maybe no one noticed… [He was wrong. Everyone else in the town starts firing their signal flares into the sky, making it look like a fireworks show.] Huck: [paddling faster] They all know about Jim! The posters are everywhere! Even the babies have signal flares!! Tom: The babies? Huck: Yeah, Tom! The babies!! Tom: Who's that guy? Huck: I think it was
Very Silly Songs Larry: Hi kids. I'm Larry the Cucumber. Welcome to the very first VeggieTales home-improvement video. I hope you're ready to monkey wrench. I know I am. (hops over to the sink) What we're going to do today is change this old leaky fixture on the sink. We're going to replace it with a new one, which will be quite attractive and last for years to come. Oh, and by the way, it's very important with any plumbing job to shut off the water supply. So I had my assistant Jimmy turn off the water to the kitchen. (twists the wrench) Jimmy: Oh... you meant the kitchen sink. (faucet explodes and sends Larry flying in a blast of water) I thought we were working on bathrooms and decks. Larry: Boooooob! Larry: Hi kids. I'm Larry the Cucumber. Welcome to the very first VeggieTales success video. Are you ready to make millions of dollars in real-estate with no money down? I know I am. Bob: LARRY! Larry: Yeah, Bob? Bob: Don't you see? This is a sing-along video! Larry: Ohhhhh, a sing-along video. I like sing-along videos. That's when you put the words at the bottom of the screen so people can sing along at home, right? Bob: Yup. Larry: Oh, the kids are gonna love that. What song should we do first? Bob: (rolls his eyes since the show's almost over) Never mind. (leaves) Larry: What? (follows Bob) Hey Bob! Guess what? I bought a whole chocolate factory with no money down. Bob: You did what?
Where's God When I'm S-Scared? Assistant: It can't be done. I don't think you can do it. Scientist: Well then, stand back and behold as I throw this switch! It's alive! Alive! (laughs in an evil manner) Stand! Assistant: Oh my goodness! Look how big it is! Scientist: Speak!