The Royal Tenenbaums quotes

View Quote Richie: I wrote a suicide note.
Chas: You did?
Richie: Right after I regained consciousness.
Chas: Can we read it?
Richie: No.
Chas: Can you paraphrase it for us?
Richie: I don't think so.
Chas Tenenbaum: Was it dark?
Richie Tenenbaum: Of course it's dark, it's a suicide note.

View Quote Well, everyone knows Custer died at Little Bighorn. What this book presupposes is... maybe he didn't?

View Quote Richie: Did you say you were on Mescaline?
Eli: I did indeed. Very much so.
Richie: How often do you-
Eli: I'm worried about you, Richie. I found it odd when you said you were in love with Margot. She's married, you know.
Richie: Mm hm.
Eli: And she's your sister.
Richie: Adopted.
Eli: Mm.

View Quote Why would a reviewer make the point of saying someone's not a genius? Do you especially think I'm not a genius? . . . You didn't even have to think about it, did you?

View Quote Go, Mordecai!

View Quote Royal: I got a pretty bad case of cancer.
Chas: [yawns] How long you gonna last?
Royal: Not long.
Chas: A month? A year?
Royal: About six weeks. Let me get to the point, the three of you and your mother are all I've got and I love you more than anything.
[Chas scoffs and mock laughs] Oh ho! Ho ho!
Royal: Chas, let me finish here! I've got six weeks to set things right with you and I aim to do it. Will you give me a chance?
Chas: No.
Royal: Do you speak for everyone?
Chas: I speak for myself.
Royal: Well you've had your say, now it's someone else's turn.

View Quote I'm adopted, did you know that? I ran away to find my real family when I was fourteen. They live in Indiana.

View Quote [after the fire drill] Four minutes, forty-eight seconds. We're all dead. Burned to a crisp.

View Quote What do you think we should do? Find the guy..get him?

View Quote Royal: Are you trying to steal my woman?
Henry Sherman: I beg your pardon?
Royal: You heard me, Coltrane.
Henry Sherman: "Coltrane"?
Royal: What?
Henry Sherman: Did you just call me Coltrane?
Royal: No.
Henry Sherman: You didn't?
Royal: No.
Henry Sherman: Okay...

View Quote C'mon, Lets shag ass!

View Quote Margot: Why'd you do it? Because of me?
Richie: Yeah. But it's not your fault.

View Quote [Chas Tenenbaum and his sons enter his mother's house with several bags]
Ethel: Chas? What's going on?
Chas: We got locked out of our apartment.
Ethel: Well, did you call a locksmith?
Chas: Uh huh.
Ethel: Well, I don't understand. Did you pack your bags BEFORE you got locked out?
Chas: It's not safe there.
Ethel: What are you talking about?
Chas: The apartment. I have to get some new sprinklers and a back-up security system installed.
Ethel: But there are no sprinklers here either.
Chas: We might have to do something about that too.

View Quote He also stole bonds out of my safety deposit box when I was fourteen.

View Quote Royal: Richie, this illness, this closeness to death... it's had a profound affect on me. I feel like a different person, I really do.
Richie: Dad, you were never dying.
Royal: ...but I'm gonna live.
[Richie walks away, Margot and Henry Sherman stand on stoop]
Royal: He's not your father.
Margot: Neither are you.