[The Bigweld Industries executives are gathered in the meeting room, watching a clip of The Bigweld Show] [video]
So, remember, whether a bot is made of new parts, old parts or spare parts, you can shine no matter what you're made of! [the clip stops]
Ratchet Oh, my goodness. What a remarkable legacy. Concern for the common robot. You just don't come across old-fashioned values like that anymore, my friends. And for a good reason... THERE'S NO MONEY IN IT! Hello! Memo to Bigweld: we're not a charity! That's why old Fat-face no longer sits in the big chair. He's a relic! So I don't want to hear another [in a whiny voice] "Where's Bigweld?" [imitates a baby whining]
C Chairman
We'll see him next month at the Bigweld Ball! He always goes to that. [Ratchet pushes a button which makes the chairman fall into a pit]
Ratchet Now, let's get down to the business of sucking every loose penny out of Mr. and Mrs. Average Knucklehead. [closes the room's blinds and starts a presentation] What's our big ticket item? Upgrades, people, upgrades. That's how we make the dough. Now, if we're telling robots that no matter what they're made of, they're "fine", how can we expect them to feel crummy enough about themselves to buy our upgrades and make themselves look better? Therefore, I have come up with a new slogan: "Why be you when you can be new?" [turns off the screen and opens the blinds] I gotta tell you, I think it's brilliant, but honestly, I'd like to hear what you employees think about this.
E Employee
[after a moment of silence, the boardroom erupts in applause]
Out of the ballpark, Ratchet.
All right, break time [Worker's look up surprised] All right, break time's over. Chop, chop! [cackles as the workers groan in disappointment] Ah, look who's here.
Ratchet Hi, Mom.
Hi, sweetie! How's my boy?
Ratchet Great. I did just what you told me: no more spare parts. In a couple of days, those broken-down bots out there are gonna be nothing but scrap metal. You will be up to your bloomers in broken outmode junk!
Such a good boy! And after you finish off Bigweld, there will be nobody out there to fix them.
Ratchet Exactly... uh, you wanna swing that by me again?
YOU IDIOT!! Those outmodes look up to him! Suppose he decides to come back!
Ratchet Aw, come on, Mom! He's not gonna be any trouble where he is!
What are you afraid of?! Grow some bolts! Or do you wanna end up like your father? [shows Ratchet his father as nothing but a hanging endoskeleton]
Ratchet's Dad: Hey, son. Good to see ya.
Think what it would mean. Not Bigweld Industries, Ratchet Industries.
Ratchet Keep talking.
Ratchet Yes, everything shiny... [laughs evilly]
No more Bigweld, no more outmodes!
Ratchet LET'S DO IT!!!
[the two dance and laugh maniacally]
Are you hungry? Can I get you something? You look thin.
Ratchet No, thanks, Mom. I gotta go. Bye. Oh, bye, Pop.
Ratchet's Dad: So long, son. Good luck with your dastardly plans.
Ratchet [Ratchet is getting his back massaged]
Oh... Oh, yeah... I've never felt so relaxed. Say, do you mind giving me a little scratch between the shoulder blades? [a blade runs along his back] Oh, there ya-- AH! Easy, tiger. Oh! Hey, take it easy! Hey, what are you trying to do, kill--?! [gets up and sees Madame Gasket] AAAAHHH!!
Relax. It's me, your mommy.
Ratchet How did you get in here?!
I came up the airshaft. I know you don't like anybody here to see me.
Ratchet Well, what do you want?
Ratchet What?
Someone is repairing outmodes! And they are laughing at you!
Ratchet Who?! And are you sure they're not laughing with me?
Ratchet Oh, so what if one crazy fanatic repairs a few outmodes? Who cares?
Think. Use those brains I stole for you. Today, it's one. What about tomorrow when everyone gets the idea this is okay? "We can fix ourselves. We don't need upgrades. We want Bigweld." Then what happens to you?!
Ratchet Okay, okay. Take it easy. We've got to find out who this is and stop him.
Not stop him, crush him! Destroy him! And by the way, I brought you a little something for your desk. [gives Ratchet a picture of her making a cute face in a heart-shaped frame titled "World's Best Mom"]
Ratchet We now come to the point of the evening where I have the tremendous honor of introducing our beloved founder, Mr. Bigweld... who unfortunately is unable to attend.
Ratchet He sends his apologies, his love... in a small box of assorted cookies.
Ratchet And what are you doing here?
[enraged]
What have you done with Bigweld?! [the crowd gasps] How come we don't see him anymore, huh?!
Ratchet Okay. [over his radio] Security, we have a party crasher.
Yeah, that's right! [angrily begins to take off his disguise] And I had to put all this junk on in order to get in here, so that I could tell Bigweld that you are outmoding millions of bots! And I know, 'cause I spent all day fixin' em! [furiously slams his metal jacket on the floor, revealing himself]
Ratchet [realizing]
You
[Ratchet's security guards grab Rodney]
Caw-caw! Caw-caw!
[Fender is busy dancing with Loretta until he hears Rodney's signal]
My darling, that is the cry of the deep doo-doo bird! I must fly! [dashes away]
Ratchet Take him for a drive and bring me back his exact weight in paper clips!
Ratchet "No?!"
C Cappy
I'll escort him out. [whispers] You don't want to look bad in front of your people, do you?
Ratchet Hmm, good point.
C Cappy
And when I get back, I'll show my casual, fun-loving side.
Ratchet [chuckles]
Oh, you...
[bursting through the head office door]
RATCHET! [Ratchet screams in a high pitch] I'll come right directly to the point!
Ratchet What happened? Run out of dominoes? I'll send you some more!
Ratchet Fired? On what grounds? This company's never been more profitable!
Profits, schmofits! Now, get out!
Ratchet No, wait! Please listen to me! You can't do this to me! This job is my LIFE! It means everything to me! You don't know what I've done to get here! The lies I've told! The lives I've ruined! [realizes] This isn't helping me.
[off-screen]
I'll call the security!
[cut to Bigweld calling the operator on his intercom mic] [into an intercom mic]
Get me the security!
Ratchet No, wait! Please! Can't I just make one more heartfelt plea?
Okay, what do you wanna say?
Ratchet [Pounds Bigweld on the head with the intercom mic, knocking him out]
THAT! Oh, my gosh, I'm as crazy as my mother!
[Bigweld groans, but Ratchet hits him again]
Ouch. [Diesel's eye glasses shatter]
[Scottish accent]
We've come to rescue our friend, you evil bucket of bolts, and you shall be defeated by the very outmodes that you scorn and detest!
'Cause there's seven of us and only one of...
[hundreds of minions appear from behind Madame Gasket]
Let's see, there's seven of us and... eight? Nine?
I think so. Will you all quit moving around?! It's so frustrating! I think I counted one of you twice!
While you're at it, count these!
[Ratchet's new outmode bot destroying machines come into view with Ratchet sitting on top of one of them]
As soon as we're done with you, these hit the streets!
Ratchet This will be the last day any outmode will ever see!
