[bursting through the head office door]
RATCHET! [Ratchet screams in a high pitch] I'll come right directly to the point!
What happened? Run out of dominoes? I'll send you some more!
Fired? On what grounds? This company's never been more profitable!
Profits, schmofits! Now, get out!
No, wait! Please listen to me! You can't do this to me! This job is my LIFE! It means everything to me! You don't know what I've done to get here! The lies I've told! The lives I've ruined! [realizes] This isn't helping me.
[off-screen]
I'll call the security!
[cut to Bigweld calling the operator on his intercom mic] [into an intercom mic]
Get me the security!
No, wait! Please! Can't I just make one more heartfelt plea?
Okay, what do you wanna say?
[Pounds Bigweld on the head with the intercom mic, knocking him out]
THAT! Oh, my gosh, I'm as crazy as my mother!
[Bigweld groans, but Ratchet hits him again]
[to Rodney]
Son, let me give you a good piece of advice.
[shocked]
What? You're telling me to quit?
I said "give up", but "quit" works just as good.
Is that what you did? Is that why you're sitting here, letting Ratchet turn robots like my father into outmodes?
Kid, sometimes you just gotta know when you're licked.
But you're Bigweld. You can fix anything!
Hmm. I used to think so. To me, having the company was all about making life better. With Ratchet, it was making money that came first. I became old-fashioned. An outmode. Go home, kid! If he beat me, he's gonna beat you!
[angrily]
The world you're looking for no longer exists! You missed it! Find some other foolish dream! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm very, very... very, uh, busy.
[hurt]
Yeah, I can see that. [to Cappy] All I ever wanted was to grow up to be like him.
Ugh. What's the use? There's nothing left.
L Lugnut
Hey, Diesel, I found you a voice box. [Diesel puts the voice box in his mouth and starts imitating a Spanish sports announcer until the chip falls out of him] Uh... here's another one. [Diesel starts barking like a dog]
That's no good. Give me that! [He attempts to take it out of Diesel, but Diesel just growls at him]
L Lugnut
[sighs]
I can never find parts in my size. [Fender's head suddenly flies into the basket; Diesel barks] What is it, boy? [finds Fender's head] Hey, Fender, have you lost weight?
"Lost weight"?! Look at - will you look at - he's a head in a basket! We're doomed, I knew it. We're doomed.
Yeah, will you shut up, you neurotic nut? Why, I'd... I'd smack you if I had a hand. [his body conveniently comes bouncing off the walls] Well, speaking of the devil, here I come. [his body lands] OW! Dang it!
[emerging from a nearby recycling bin with a discarded Wonderbot]
Whoa, check this out! Who would throw away such a cute little doodad? [Wonderbot whimpers] Aw, don't be scared...
[off-screen]
Hey, that's mine!
That's him! That's the guy! I would know that face! I know that face, and I know that foot! [he realizes his hand is pointing to his own body instead of Rodney's] Psst! He's over there, you moron. [his hand points to Rodney's body] That's the perpetrator! He knocked my head off! You want another piece of me?!
Alright, buster! If you think you can mess with my big brother, you're... [is distracted by Rodney's appearance] you're kind of cute.
Piper, would you behave yourself? Now, come on. Let's get Fender fixed... again.
[handing Wonderbot back to Rodney]
Here's your... thingamabob. By the way... the name's Piper. Rhymes with "viper". [hisses flirtatiously] See you around. [she suddenly trips over, but gets up and adjusts herself]
We've told you a hundred times, [with his hand] don't talk to strange men. Thank you, Manuel.
I talk to you. Who's stranger than that?
[takes a picture of Rodney]
Perfect! That'll be 50 bucks.
A beautiful picture of your first moment in Robot City. [takes another picture] There, I've captured your second moment. That's another 50 dollars. [to Diesel] Are you keeping track? [Diesel makes a cash register ring sound] [keeps on taking photos] Come on, work with me, work with me! More pout, less pose! There's a great inside of you is a fashion model just waiting to throw up. Give me those eyes! Big eyes! Big eyes! Give me big anime eyes! Yeah, I'm lovin' it! Lovin' it! Lovin' it!
I don't want any pictures!
That's alright. There's no film in the camera. Would you like to buy a map of the stars' homes? [realizes he's gone] Where'd he go?
WS Watch Salesman
Psst, buddy, wanna buy a watch?
W Watches
Don't buy us. We're fakes.
JH Jack Hammer
I've got good news, and I've got bad news.
JH Jack Hammer
I checked the stock book. As of today, they're no longer making parts for your model. You have been officially outmoded.
Outmoded? Well, that's fine... WHAT'S THE GOOD NEWS?!?
JH Jack Hammer
Well, when we had your parts... They were on sale! [laughs]
[breaks down into tears]
Oh, how can this happen to me?! I'm practically a kid!
JH Jack Hammer
Geez. Look, pull yourself together. All you need is an upgrade. [reveals an upgrade display]
L Lugnut
[the Rusties stare in admiration]
Mmm, that new upgrade smell.
JH Jack Hammer
Just came in, fully loaded. Look, it's got cupholders. Standard.
L Lugnut
Does it come in plus sizes?
JH Jack Hammer
Sure! Take a look at the new Bigweld spring collection! [points to a whole aisle of upgrades; the Rusties stand in awe]
I can't afford that fancy stuff. All I need is one stinkin' neck joint! [his body bangs his head against the counter] Why... did... this... happen... to... me?! Ow! Ow! Aah! Aah! I'm hurting me! Idiot!
JH Jack Hammer
Sorry, pal. It's either an upgrade or the Chop Shop for you.
The Chop Shop?! [cries; Rodney came in to find what is going on] I'm fine, I'm fine. [his body places his head back on it] Look, no hands. Oops. [the head falls off; the body puts it back on] And ta-da! I'm back. Miss me?
No one's going to the Chop Shop!
That's right! What do you think we can get for him? Not that I've been thinking about it.
Will you stop?! Listen, shiny pants, you get back there and find a part for my brother! We are not junk! We are not scrap! And we will not be treated this way!
JH Jack Hammer
I'm sorry. I don't have the parts.
Well, do you have two washers, an S-spring and some fast-weld? I can fix you easily.
D Diesel
[Diesel picks up a voice box, and then puts all of them into his mouth] [imitating Darth Vader's voice]
The Force is strong with this one.
All right, break time [Worker's look up surprised] All right, break time's over. Chop, chop! [cackles as the workers groan in disappointment] Ah, look who's here.
Hi, sweetie! How's my boy?
Great. I did just what you told me: no more spare parts. In a couple of days, those broken-down bots out there are gonna be nothing but scrap metal. You will be up to your bloomers in broken outmode junk!
Such a good boy! And after you finish off Bigweld, there will be nobody out there to fix them.
Exactly... uh, you wanna swing that by me again?
YOU IDIOT!! Those outmodes look up to him! Suppose he decides to come back!
Aw, come on, Mom! He's not gonna be any trouble where he is!
What are you afraid of?! Grow some bolts! Or do you wanna end up like your father? [shows Ratchet his father as nothing but a hanging endoskeleton]
Ratchet's Dad: Hey, son. Good to see ya.
Think what it would mean. Not Bigweld Industries, Ratchet Industries.
Yes, everything shiny... [laughs evilly]
No more Bigweld, no more outmodes!
[the two dance and laugh maniacally]
Are you hungry? Can I get you something? You look thin.
No, thanks, Mom. I gotta go. Bye. Oh, bye, Pop.
Ratchet's Dad: So long, son. Good luck with your dastardly plans.
Ouch. [Diesel's eye glasses shatter]
[Scottish accent]
We've come to rescue our friend, you evil bucket of bolts, and you shall be defeated by the very outmodes that you scorn and detest!
'Cause there's seven of us and only one of...
[hundreds of minions appear from behind Madame Gasket]
Let's see, there's seven of us and... eight? Nine?
I think so. Will you all quit moving around?! It's so frustrating! I think I counted one of you twice!
While you're at it, count these!
[Ratchet's new outmode bot destroying machines come into view with Ratchet sitting on top of one of them]
As soon as we're done with you, these hit the streets!
This will be the last day any outmode will ever see!
We now come to the point of the evening where I have the tremendous honor of introducing our beloved founder, Mr. Bigweld... who unfortunately is unable to attend.
He sends his apologies, his love... in a small box of assorted cookies.
And what are you doing here?
[enraged]
What have you done with Bigweld?! [the crowd gasps] How come we don't see him anymore, huh?!
Okay. [over his radio] Security, we have a party crasher.
Yeah, that's right! [angrily begins to take off his disguise] And I had to put all this junk on in order to get in here, so that I could tell Bigweld that you are outmoding millions of bots! And I know, 'cause I spent all day fixin' em! [furiously slams his metal jacket on the floor, revealing himself]
[Ratchet's security guards grab Rodney]
Caw-caw! Caw-caw!
[Fender is busy dancing with Loretta until he hears Rodney's signal]
My darling, that is the cry of the deep doo-doo bird! I must fly! [dashes away]
Take him for a drive and bring me back his exact weight in paper clips!
Cappy No!
Cappy I'll escort him out. [whispers] You don't want to look bad in front of your people, do you?
Cappy And when I get back, I'll show my casual, fun-loving side.
Hm? [Rodney does armpit noises] YEAH, BABY! LET IT RIP!
[Rodney and Fender are doing armpit noises]
Hey, guys, come on. What, are you three years old? This is how a man does it.
[Crank does armpit noises]
You guys are SO gross! Besides, THIS is how you do it.
Aunt Fanny [Piper does armpit noises]
Hey kids, get a load of this!
[proceeds to let out a MASSIVE earthquake-inducing fart; everyone is grossed out]
Open the window!
[Aunt Fanny finishes farting and sighs with relief]
WE were using our arms!
Aunt Fanny [a Lamppost outside wakes up and sniffs the air]
Oh...
Aunt Fanny Excuse me.
Lamppost Lady... please... see a doctor... [the lamppost passes out]
