Road Trip (2000) · 28 quotes
What do you look for in a girl?
Josh
She should be smart, and funny.
Josh
That's good too.
Do you feel better yet?
Josh
I feel a little bit better, yes.
What else do you look for?
Josh
She should be nice and attractive and... topless. Topless is good.
Rubin
I just said we'd make it across. I didn't say anything about the wheels staying on.
Josh
What the hell are we gonna do now? I'm totally screwed! I don't have time to be walking through the woods right now!
E.L.
Barry, fast forward to the horny stuff.
E.L.
Is this the kind of shit you've been sending Tiffany?
Josh
I thought I told you to mail this yesterday?
Rubin
Yeah, it was on your desk I mailed it this morning.
Josh
OH ****!
E.L.
W-w-w-wait a second. Tell me you mailed the Beth tape to Tiffany.
E.L.
Yes!
Josh
Shit! Oh, no! Oh, no!
Barry
Hey, hey.
Josh
What?
Barry
Did you make a copy? Because if you made a copy we could watch the copy.
Kyle
Well, we had a few drinks, danced a little, and... y'know.
E.L.
No, we don't know. Why don't you tell us?
E.L.
What the hell is that?! Did you kill a cheetah?
Kyle
What? No, these are her underwear! She gave them to me! [puts them up to his face and sniffs them, much to everyone's disgust] I boinked her!
E.L.
... "boinked"?
Josh
Well, Kyle, I certainly hope you got all the "boinking" out of your system, because we got a lot of driving to do today, guys.
E.L.
Just copy off someone.
Josh
I can't. It's all essay and stuff. You know, if I fail this, my average is shot, I might lose my financial aid, I could not be allowed on campus next semester.
E.L.
Well, you're ****, then. You might as well come to my party tonight, hook up with Beth, and at least enjoy your last week at college.
Josh
I'm not hooking up with anybody, alright? I've made a commitment to Tiffany. I'm invested in this relationship.
E.L.
Invested? Who are you, Charles Schwab? Would you listen to yourself? I would give my life for one night of consensual sex with her.
Josh
You can teach ancient philosophy in 46 hours?
Rubin
I can teach Japanese to a chimp in 46 hours. You just have to find a way to relate the material.
Are you in the Ku Klux Klan?
Josh
Whoa whoa, that isn't ours.
Kyle
That's not mine!
Josh
OK, hold on, th-there's obviously some explanation.
There is. See your boy here's an evil bigot, and now he's gonna die.
Kyle
