Miles quotes from Risky Business (1983)

Miles

What happened?

Last night?

Miles

That's right, with Kessler.

She was babysitting down the street.

Miles

We know that.

So, I went over there. She was giving the kid a bath and accidentally hit the shower thing. All of her clothes were drying upstairs.

Miles

'[laughing] It could happen.

So she plops down on the kitchen floor and she looks up at me and says "I think I'm in the mood."

Barry

She said that? What did you say?

I didn't have to say anything.

Barry

What did you do?

What do you think I did?

Glenn

I think you got the hell out of there...ran home, and whacked off.

With Kessler just lying there, just wanting me??

Miles

I disagree.

Thanks.

Miles

Did you have your bike?

Yeah.

Miles

I think you got on your bike, pedaled home...and whacked off.
[Everyone laughs]

Miles

No guts, Goodson.

The problem was I just wasn't attracted to her.

Miles

That should never stop you.

She seemed too big.

Miles

It could've worked out.

I thought I'd get into trouble.

Miles

Sometimes you have to say, "What the ****!" Make your move!

That's easy for you to say. You're all set. You're probably going to Harvard. Me, I don't want to make a mistake, jeopardize my future!

Miles

Joel, let me tell you something. Every now and then, say "What the ****." "What the ****" gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity, opportunity makes your future... So your parents are going out of town. You got the place all to yourself.

Yeah.

Miles

What the ****...If you can't say it, you can't do it.

Miles

Okay. Good. You've done the old man's car bit. That's a good start. Now, try this on for size. [reading from the personals] "The Leather Castle. Chicago's finest dominants and submissives. Fully equipped dungeons. Beginners welcome."

It sounds great, Miles.

Miles

Here's one! "My daddy used to spank my bare bottom. Now he's gone. Will you take his place? Call Misty." Come on, Joel. You've got to take advantage of this! They come to your house! "Countess Angelique seeks young submissive with large ankles!" This is it! "For a good time in the privacy of your own home, call Jackie: 555-1247." Succinct, to the point, down to business. What do you say?

If you want to call, call for yourself.

Miles

A good time, Joel! In the privacy of your own home! What else can you ask for?

I'll make my own calls, thank you.

Miles

Then...call!

Forget it!

Miles

All right! I'm calling.

You're calling?

Miles

Someday you'll thank me for this.

You'd better not mention me.

Miles

It's her answering machine. Hi, Jackie, this is Joel Goodson, 525 Remson, Glencoe. I'd like a good time in my home tonight. Bye!

That was really cute. Now, give me the number so I can call her back.

Miles

Number? There's no number?

Give me the number, damn it!

Miles

I'm telling you, [eats the paper] there's no number.

You're an asshole!

Miles

Gotta go. Catch you later.

Shithead!

How could she? It's so stupid!

Miles

Tell your mother it broke!

That egg is worth a lot more than $300!

Miles

What are you going to do?

I'm gonna get it back, is what I'm gonna do. Are you going to help?

Miles

Sure. When?

Right now!

Miles

I can't do it right now! I have a trig mid-term tomorrow!

Hey, "Mr. What-The-****" what about "exploring the dark side" and all that? Or was that just bullshit?

Miles

That was just bullshit, Joel. I'm surprised you listened to me.

This is my friend, Miles.

Lana

Do you like excitement, Miles?

Miles

Love it.

So is this Guido guy... he's your "manager"?
Lana: That's right.

Or a pimp?

Lana

Now that's quick Joel. Have you always been this quick, or is this something new?

Miles

I don't believe this! I've got a trig midterm tomorrow, and I'm being chased by Guido the killer pimp.

Porsche. There is no substitute.

Miles

**** you.