The dream is always the same. Instead of going home, I go to the neighbors'. I ring, but nobody answers. The door is open, so I go inside. I'm looking around for the people, but nobody seems to be there. And then I hear the shower running, so I go upstairs to see what's what. Then I see her; this... girl, this incredible girl. I mean, what she's doing there I don't know, because she doesn't live there... but it's a dream, so I go with it. "Who's there?" she says. "Joel," I say. "What are you doing here?" "I don't know what I'm doing here; what are you doing here?" "I'm taking a shower," she says. Then I give her: "You want me to go?" "No," she says; "I want you to wash my back." So now, I'm gettin' enthusiastic about this dream. So I go to her, but she's hard to find through all the steam and stuff; I keep losing her. Finally I get to the door... and I... find myself in a room full of kids taking their college boards. I'm over three hours late; I've got two minutes to take the whole test. I've... just made a terrible mistake. I'll never get to college. My life is ruined.
Most-quoted character in Risky Business (1983): in 35 of its 44 quotes
Most scenes with: Lana (11), Miles (7), Barry (5)
It was great the way her mind worked: No guilt, no doubts, no fear. None of my specialties. Just this shameless pursuit of immediate material gratification. What a capitalist! She told me I could make more money in one night than I'd make all year. Enough to pay for my father's car. She told me she'd be my girlfriend. She told me a lot of things. I believed them all. So, she introduced me to her friends. I introduced her to my friends.
More lines from Joel Goodsen
7 quotesLock the door when you leave, Glenn. If you read me, grunt twice!
You know what he said afterwards? He said the lady had knowledge. He was glad to get the knowledge. Do you know why? Because college women can smell ignorance... like dog shit.
All I'm saying is... walk like a man.
It seems to me that if there were any logic to our language, trust would be a four letter word.
The evening worked out well. We had a good cash flow. Rutherford made a few new friends. He said he'd do his best for me. Finally, it was time to close shop. The girls were exhausted. Lana was hungry. She wanted to go out for a bite. She wanted to make love on a real train. Who was I to say no?
My name is Joel Goodsen. I deal in human fulfillment. I grossed over eight thousand dollars in one night. Time of your life, huh, kid?
Scenes with Joel Goodsen
27 scenes
What happened?
Last night?
That's right, with Kessler.
She was babysitting down the street.
We know that.
So, I went over there. She was giving the kid a bath and accidentally hit the shower thing. All of her clothes were drying upstairs.
'[laughing] It could happen.
So she plops down on the kitchen floor and she looks up at me and says "I think I'm in the mood."
She said that? What did you say?
I didn't have to say anything.
What did you do?
What do you think I did?
I think you got the hell out of there...ran home, and whacked off.
With Kessler just lying there, just wanting me??
I disagree.
Thanks.
Did you have your bike?
Yeah.
I think you got on your bike, pedaled home...and whacked off.
[Everyone laughs]
No guts, Goodson.
The problem was I just wasn't attracted to her.
That should never stop you.
She seemed too big.
It could've worked out.
I thought I'd get into trouble.
Sometimes you have to say, "What the ****!" Make your move!
That's easy for you to say. You're all set. You're probably going to Harvard. Me, I don't want to make a mistake, jeopardize my future!
Joel, let me tell you something. Every now and then, say "What the ****." "What the ****" gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity, opportunity makes your future... So your parents are going out of town. You got the place all to yourself.
Yeah.
What the ****...If you can't say it, you can't do it.
Joel, do you hear something odd? Something unpleasant?
No.
A preponderance of bass, perhaps?
No.
Is this the way I left the equalizer?
No.
This is not a toy for you and your friends. If you can't use it properly, you're not to use it at all. My house, my rules.
Listen, you guys. Doesn't anyone want to accomplish anything? Or do we just want to make money?
Make money.
Just make money.
Make a lot of money.
What about you, Joel?
Serve my fellow mankind.
I can't believe Glenn bringing Statwiler over like that.
Why?
Because he boffed Hendricks last week!
He did?
Yes! And after the game on Saturday, he **** her.
Barry?
What?
Boffing and **** are the same thing.
They are?
Yes. What did you think it was?
I thought it was something else. You're sure on this?
I'm positive.
Shit!
They're what kind of breasts?
Sublime breasts!
Okay. Good. You've done the old man's car bit. That's a good start. Now, try this on for size. [reading from the personals] "The Leather Castle. Chicago's finest dominants and submissives. Fully equipped dungeons. Beginners welcome."
It sounds great, Miles.
Here's one! "My daddy used to spank my bare bottom. Now he's gone. Will you take his place? Call Misty." Come on, Joel. You've got to take advantage of this! They come to your house! "Countess Angelique seeks young submissive with large ankles!" This is it! "For a good time in the privacy of your own home, call Jackie: 555-1247." Succinct, to the point, down to business. What do you say?
If you want to call, call for yourself.
A good time, Joel! In the privacy of your own home! What else can you ask for?
I'll make my own calls, thank you.
Then...call!
Forget it!
All right! I'm calling.
You're calling?
Someday you'll thank me for this.
You'd better not mention me.
It's her answering machine. Hi, Jackie, this is Joel Goodson, 525 Remson, Glencoe. I'd like a good time in my home tonight. Bye!
That was really cute. Now, give me the number so I can call her back.
Number? There's no number?
Give me the number, damn it!
I'm telling you, [eats the paper] there's no number.
You're an asshole!
Gotta go. Catch you later.
Shithead!
Jackie Joel, be a courageous person. Open the door! That way, you see, I can call a cab.
Again, I'm really sorry.
Jackie As long as we come to an arrangement, I'm in no mood for complaining. I mean, when you put your good money down you gotta get what you wanted in the first place. Know what I mean? When you buy a TV, you don't buy Sony if you want RCA. I know we could get along real well. But, hey! It's your hard-earned money, right? This way, we make an arrangement and everyone is satisfied.
You had carfare.
Jackie A long ride. I don't ever come out this far.
And your time.
Jackie My time, my effort, my infinite patience and understanding.
Thank you.
Jackie 75 dollars.
Fair enough.
Jackie Joel, I'm going to give you a number. You ask for Lana. It's what you want.
Thank you.
Jackie It's what every white boy off the lake wants.
This is a beautiful place, Ralph. Is it all yours?
It's my folks', actually.
Do you know what it's worth?
A lot, probably.
Oh, yeah! Real estate? It's fabulous!
Look, Lana... uh, my name isn't really Ralph. It's Joel.
Mmmm. I'll be needing 300 bucks...Joel.
You're kidding.
No, I don't believe that I am.
Can I send it to you?
Can you send it to me, Joel?
Well, uh, it's just that I don't have that much here in the house.
How much do you have?
I have 50 dollars.
50 dollars? What are we going to do about this, Joel?
I don't know.
I, uh, have a bond at the bank. I could go cash that.
I'm not good at waiting for people.
I'll be quick.
Give it a try.
How could she? It's so stupid!
Tell your mother it broke!
That egg is worth a lot more than $300!
What are you going to do?
I'm gonna get it back, is what I'm gonna do. Are you going to help?
Sure. When?
Right now!
I can't do it right now! I have a trig mid-term tomorrow!
Hey, "Mr. What-The-****" what about "exploring the dark side" and all that? Or was that just bullshit?
That was just bullshit, Joel. I'm surprised you listened to me.
This is my friend, Miles.
Do you like excitement, Miles?
Love it.
So is this Guido guy... he's your "manager"?
Lana: That's right.
Or a pimp?
Now that's quick Joel. Have you always been this quick, or is this something new?
I don't believe this! I've got a trig midterm tomorrow, and I'm being chased by Guido the killer pimp.
Porsche. There is no substitute.
**** you.
Will you do me a favor?
Anything, cookie.
Don't steal anything. If I come back here and anything's missing, I'm going straight to the police. I'm not joking.
Joel, go to school. Go learn something.
Are you stoned?
No. I do not believe so.
I think you're really wasted!
This is not wasted, Barry. This is definitely not wasted...Barry? I'm a little wasted!
I know.
Don't let me do anything stupid.
Don't worry.
So, I was thinking...if we ever got our friends together, we'd make a fortune!
Yeah. You're right.
Do you want to do that?
Do what?
Get our friends together in the next few days.
No. I don't think so.
Make some money. Be a little enterpriser.
Future enterpriser.
Be whatever you want to be. What if I said I'd be your girlfriend for the next few nights?
No charge?
Hey, I'm not pushing you on the idea. It's just that my mind keeps working all the time. Nothing I can do about it. It keeps working and working.
How come you left home?
Why?
I was just wondering.
Because my step-father kept coming on to me. What else do you want to know?
Do you have any brothers and sisters?
I have a brother. What else?
If you don't want to talk...
No, no. Ask me anything.
I don't think you want to talk and it's okay.
No, I really want to talk to you.
What does he do?
He's in school.
How come you're not in school?
I'm not my brother. I'm really trying to be friends with you. But I'd appreciate it if you'd stop trying to judge me while you're leaning on your daddy's 40 thousand dollar car. I'll see you around.
Was it something I said?
You're right. You are absolutely right to respond this way. I did not have a doctor's appointment. But I will tell you exactly what happened. "Unexcused." You see, Nurse Bolan lf you write "unexcused," I fail two mid-terms. It'll wreck my whole grade point average! If you'd just stop and listen to me, I'll explain everything. The truth is, my parents are away, and I met this girl. A call girl, actually. She came to my house. Look, you're writing again! This is not "unexcused"! If you will just listen to me, then you'll understand, Nurse Bolan. Why? Why won't you listen to me? [Nurse Bolen waves goodbye to Joel]
I had a doctor's appointment.
'[pushing the girl out of the way] Excuse me. It wasn't the girl, it was my father's car. I put my father's car into Lake Michigan and I had to get it fixed. [Nurse Bolan waves goodbye again] Just give me a break. [grabs Nurse Bolan by her lapels] Let me put it this way. I have spent the last four years of my life busting my butt in this shithole! I'm sorry. I don't think I can leave until I get just a little compassion from you.
Bill Rutherford You've done some very solid work here, but it isn't quite lvy League, is it?
You know, Bill, there's one thing I learned in all my years. Sometimes you have to say "What the ****." Make your move.
Bill Rutherford I beg your pardon?
So, how are we doing?
Looks like University of Illinois!
I don't think I'm going to say, "What the ****" anymore. This thing has gotten way out of control. I'm going to kill Miles.
Oh, come on, Joel. Look at it this way. You're making a lot of money. You're providing your friends with an invaluable service. God knows, they needed the service! And, right now, you are one hot-shit future enterpriser. Don't worry so much. I'll be upstairs. And... you have a girlfriend to boot.
Do I?
...
Well, do I?
What do you think?
I don't know. You tell me. Yes? No? Maybe?
Yes...No...Maybe. [kisses Joel]
Where's Lana?
Maybe she's on the choo-choo. I hear she's got this thing about choo-choos.
I want to know who took my stuff.
I took your stuff, Joel, are you kidding?
Then you listen to me, buster! You a-hole! If I don't get my stuff back... [Guido hangs up] Shit!
I want my furniture back right now.
Now, you listen to me.
No, no! You listen to me! [Guido hangs up] Shit!
Can I have my furniture back? Please?
You listen to me, you little ****! You not only took my two best girls, you call me names and insult me!
I'm sorry.
If I had any self-respect, it wouldn't just be the furniture, it would be your legs! Your arms! Your head! Do we understand each other?
Yes, we do.
No! Do we understand each other?
Yes, we understand each other.
Well, you're lucky in one respect.
What's that?
I like you, Joel. Don't you know that?
Joel?
Yes, Mom?
Can I talk to you for a minute? What happened to my egg?
What do you mean?
There's a crack in it!
You're kidding!
No, Joel, I'm not kidding. There's a small crack, inside the egg.
What's wrong?
My egg is ruined.
What happened?
I don't know.
You don't know.
Mom, maybe it was there before.
I don't think so, Joel. How could you let this happen?
I'm sorry.
This is so damned irresponsible of you!
We'll get another one. Joel will pay for it.
Sure, I'll pay for it.
Where will you get the money to pay for something like that? I'm very disappointed in you. [walks out]
She'll be all right. Why don't you put in some yard work?
Do you have something to tell me?
No...I don't think so.
I just got off the telephone with Bill Rutherford. Apparently, you two had quite a meeting. "Princeton can use a guy like Joel."
What?
"Princeton can use a guy like Joel." His exact words!
That's unbelievable!
You're as good as in! I knew you could do it! Haven't I been telling you, sometimes you have to say: "What the heck!" Take some chances.
You were so right.
You've made me very proud.
I was just thinking...where we might be ten years from now.
You know what I think? I think we're both going to make it big! I'm very optimistic! I mean it!
Can I ask you something? Was our night together just to set up Vicki and Guido?
No. You don't believe me, do you?
Guess we won't see each other for awhile.
I know.
Are you going straight home now?
I don't know. Why?
It might be nice if we spent the evening together.
I'd really like that. [pause] How much have you got on you?
How much have I got on me?
Yeah.
I've got twenty bucks.
Twenty bucks, Lana? What are we going to do about this?
Well, it's just that I don't have that much on me.
Can I send it to you?
Can you send it to me?
'Cause I don't have that much here. How about I write you a check?
Do you think I'd take a check from you? What am I, stupid?
I have a bond at the bank.
Some of the girls are wearing my mother's clothing.
What's wrong with that?
I just don't want to spend the rest of my life in analysis.
Joel's Father: Haven't I been telling you. Every once in awhile you just got to say, "what the heck" and take some chances.
You are so right.