That's really, loud.
Yeah, thanks. Took the restrictor plate off, thought I'd give the Red Dragon a little more juice, but lets keep that on the downlow, she's not exactly street-legal [waving to a neighbor] Hey Mike!
Frank 'The Tank' Ricard
Will Ferrell · 44 quotes
Bernard 'Beanie' Campbell
Vince Vaughn · 40 quotes
Mitch Martin
Luke Wilson · 19 quotes
Garry, the Oral Sex Instructor
7 quotes
Blue
Patrick Cranshaw · 3 quotes
Jerry
Simon Helberg · 3 quotes
Marissa
Perrey Reeves · 3 quotes
Waiter
3 quotes
Most scenes together: Mitch Martin & Bernard 'Beanie' Campbell (7), Frank 'The Tank' Ricard & Bernard 'Beanie' Campbell (6), Mitch Martin & Frank 'The Tank' Ricard (3)
Old School quotes
Page 3 of 7[after catching Heidi with another man]
Please be honest with me. Tell me this is the first time this has ever happened.
Heidi Well, do you want me to be honest or do you want me to tell you this is the first time?
A professor lived here for like thirty years and died.
That's awesome.
I see Frank's dad made it out, I haven't seen him in like eight years.
I love you dad.
I wasn't looking for a girl like that.
Well Columbus wasn't looking for America my man, but that seems to have worked out for everybody didn't it?
I've had a hell of a day and even worse week. And all I want to do is get some **** sleep.
I...I don't know why you gotta do it...in front of the kid, with the f'in. All you gotta do is say earmuffs to him, [to kid] "earmuffs", and you can say "****, shit, bitch"...whatever you want.
****. Balls.
OK. I'm just proving a point. You don't have to celebrate it, Frank.
So what are you? Campus security?
Dean Pritchard
Try again.
Jehovah's Witness?
Dean Pritchard
I'm the Dean. Dean Pritchard.
...
Wow. Cheese. Is that you?
Dean Pritchard
Hello, Mitch. Bernard. I see you guys haven't changed much.
Who's this guy?
Beanie, you remember Cheese, Rodney's kid brother?
Dean Pritchard
Actually, my name's not Cheese anymore. It's Gordon Pritchard.
Oh yeah. Cheeeeeese. Yeah, didn't we lock you in a dumpster one time?
Dean Pritchard
Yea, I got out.
Cool man. Good. Glad you did.
Sorry, your seatbelt seems to be broken. What do you recommend I do?
Cab Driver
I recommend you stop being such a ****. You're in the backseat.
Who's this guy?
Oh, that's Blue. He's an old navy vet who hangs around my store a lot. Don't worry about him, he's legit.
He looks like he's one hundred years old and he wants to pledge?
You kidding me? Old man river can't shut up about it.
Nicole I heard one of your pledges died. Is that true?
Well, yes but Blue was really old. And I feel pretty confident when we get the autopsy back it'll say natural causes.
Peppers She's a beauty, ain't she?
Yeah, what kind of gun is this?
Peppers It's a tranquilizer gun. If any of these little ****ers decide to freak out on the kids, I get to take them down. Ain't that right? [yanks on the mule's reigns] Oh, what? That's what I thought. Shut up.
Peppers [Frank **** the gun]
Hey, hey. Careful with that. That's the most powerful tranq gun on the market. Got her in Mexico.
Cool.
Peppers Yeah, it is cool. They say it can puncture the skin of a rhino from...
Peppers [Frank shoots himself in the neck with the dart]
YES! That's awesome!
What?
Peppers You just took one in the jugular, man.
What? I did? [feeling his neck]
Peppers YES!
Oh my god. Is this bad? Is this bad?
Peppers You better pull that shit out man. That shit is not cool.
Wait. Wait? Pull what out?
Peppers You got a **** dart in your neck man.
Spanish Damn, I gonna end up workin' at Red Lobster.
Frat Brother
You already work at Red Lobster.
Spanish Yea, part time... dick.
Therapist Frank, this is a safe place. A place where we can feel free sharing our feelings. Think of my office as a nest in a tree of trust and understanding. We can say anything here.
Anything? Well, uh I guess I, deep down, am feeling a little confused. I mean, suddenly, you get married, and you're supposed to be this entirely different guy. I don't feel different. I mean, take yesterday for example. We were out at the Olive Garden for dinner, which was lovely. And uh, I happen to look over at a certain point during the meal and see a waitress taking an order, and I found myself wondering what color her underpants might be. Her panties. Uh, odds are they are probably basic white, cotton, underpants. But I started thinking maybe they're silk panties, maybe it's a thong. Maybe it's something really cool that I don't even know about. You know, and uh, and I started feeling... what? what I thought we were in the trust tree, in the nest, are we not?
Weensie [after learning he's going to be expelled]
Listen, this is a serious situation. I mean, I'm kicked out of school. I don't know what I'm gonna do, man. My mom's gonna kill me.
C'mon, she's not gonna kill you.
Weensie Yes she is. See, I'm the first one to go to college in my family and when I left she said, "Weensie, if you screw this up, I'll kill you." She showed me the knife.
Woman [holding a grocery bag]
What are you doing?
You tell anyone about this and I'll **** kill you. I'm kidding, I'm kidding, we'll have him home by midnight. [reaches into the grocery bag and takes out cheese balls]