Old School (2003) · 105 quotes
3rd most-quoted character in Old School (2003): in 19 of its 105 quotes
Most scenes with: Bernard 'Beanie' Campbell (7), Frank 'The Tank' Ricard (3)
True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend...
Mitch Martin At this point, you might be asking yourself, 'why am I holding this 30lb. Cinder block in my hands? You might also ask yourself, 'why does this cinder block have a long piece of string tied to it? And finally, why is the other end of this string tied securely to your penis?
Mitch Martin All I want to do is get some **** sleep.
Mitch Martin This is my house. I live here, Beanie. I'm 30 years old. None of us are enrolled in the college.
Mitch Martin Denver? The sunshine state? Gorgeous!
Mitch Who's this guy?
Oh, that's Blue. He's an old navy vet who hangs around my store a lot. Don't worry about him, he's legit.
Mitch He looks like he's one hundred years old and he wants to pledge?
You kidding me? Old man river can't shut up about it.
Mitch Sorry, your seatbelt seems to be broken. What do you recommend I do?
I recommend you stop being such a ****. You're in the backseat.
Mitch I've had a hell of a day and even worse week. And all I want to do is get some **** sleep.
I...I don't know why you gotta do it...in front of the kid, with the f'in. All you gotta do is say earmuffs to him, [to kid] "earmuffs", and you can say "****, shit, bitch"...whatever you want.
****. Balls.
OK. I'm just proving a point. You don't have to celebrate it, Frank.
Weensie Listen, this is a serious situation. I mean, I'm kicked out of school. I don't know what I'm gonna do, man. My mom's gonna kill me.
Mitch C'mon, she's not gonna kill you.
Weensie Yes she is. See, I'm the first one to go to college in my family and when I left she said, "Weensie, if you screw this up, I'll kill you." She showed me the knife.
Mitch Please be honest with me. Tell me this is the first time this has ever happened.
Heidi Well, do you want me to be honest or do you want me to tell you this is the first time?
Hello.
Mitch Yeah?
I'm here for the gangbang...
A little housewarming gift. To new beginnings.
Mitch I actually gave this to you for your wedding.
This model?
Mitch This exact one.
I'm sorry, I'm, I'm embarassed.
Mitch I hope you like it.
I Love it... thank you.
Girls love a guy who's in your situation.
Mitch What situation?
Mitch. You're on the rebound. You're like an injured young fawn who's been nursed back to health and is finally going to be released back into the wilderness.
Mitch I wasn't looking for a girl like that.
Well Columbus wasn't looking for America my man, but that seems to have worked out for everybody didn't it?
Mitch A professor lived here for like thirty years and died.
That's awesome.
Mitch So what are you? Campus security?
Try again.
Jehovah's Witness?
I'm the Dean. Dean Pritchard.
...
Mitch Wow. Cheese. Is that you?
Hello, Mitch. Bernard. I see you guys haven't changed much.
Who's this guy?
Mitch Beanie, you remember Cheese, Rodney's kid brother?
Actually, my name's not Cheese anymore. It's Gordon Pritchard.
Oh yeah. Cheeeeeese. Yeah, didn't we lock you in a dumpster one time?
Yea, I got out.
Cool man. Good. Glad you did.
Whose life is ruined?
Mitch Let's see. Blue's dead. Frank's divorced. I've lost my house. Nicole thinks I'm a total jackass. And we got nine kids who are gonna get expelled from school and you're not even gonna help them out.
Nicole I heard one of your pledges died. Is that true?
Mitch Well, yes but Blue was really old. And I feel pretty confident when we get the autopsy back it'll say natural causes.
Mitch I see Frank's dad made it out, I haven't seen him in like eight years.
I love you dad.
