Brandi Second suitor: if we were making whoopee--
What's whoopee?
Brandi Um, you know, if we were being intimate--
What? Like ****?
Played by Claire Forlani 
Mallrats (1995) · 80 quotes
Mallrats (1995) · 80 quotes
Tied for 5th most-quoted character in Mallrats (1995): in 5 of its 80 quotes
Most scenes with: Brodie Bruce (5), Gill (2)
Scenes with Brandi
5 scenes Brandi Brandi Brandi Second suitor, would you ever make whoopee in public?
Already did once today. [points to Rene and smirks] But my cousin Walter jerked off in public once. True story. He was on a plane to New Mexico when all of the sudden the hydraulics went. The plane started spinning around, going out of control. So he decides it's all over and whips it out and starts beating it right there. So all the other passengers take a cue from him and they start whipping it out and beating like mad. So all the passengers are beating off, plummeting to their certain doom, when all of the sudden, the hydraulics kick back in, and the plane rights itself. It lands safely and everyone puts their pieces or, whatever you know, away and deboard. Nobody mentions the phenomenon to anyone else.
Jesus Christ, man! There's just some things you don't talk about in public!
Brandi Second suitor, if you could be any comic book superhero, which one would you be?
[Impressed]
Wow, that is a good question. Difficult, though; what does one gauge his response on? Physical prowess? Keen deductive skills? The ability to banter well with super villains?
Brandi [Figuring out who he is]
How's the comic book collection, Brodie?
Oh, it's going good, but-- [T.S hits him] Oh, oh, comics? I don't collect comics! Comics are for kids!
Brandi Suitor Number Three, what would our first date be like?
Gil' Hicks
Well, uh, first I'd take you shopping to stores you wanna shop in, and then we'd do a little lunch, probably at the Cheese Haus, followed by some golfing. And then at night, we'd take in an opera, probably Die Fledermaus, and then I'd follow it up with a drive to a secluded beach where I'd pop on the radio and we could slow-dance till the sun came up.
That was the biggest load of crap I've ever heard! I mean, look at you. You're the kind of guy who would beg for sex. And I should know, we can smell our own.
Brandi Suitor Number Three, is your kiss like a soft breeze, a firm handshake, or a jackhammer?
Definitely a jackhammer. I'm in there with some pressure, and when I'm done you're not the same as before. You're changed.
Where do you come up with this shit?! That is the cheesiest response to an honest question I've ever heard! I saw you kiss and it wasn't even anything like that!
Who the hell did you see me kiss?
Some dude backstage. I don't know who he was, but he seemed unimpressed.
I didn't kiss any guy backstage. I swear! I'm not gay.
Hey, suitor-ette, this guy's a homophobe! You heard how repulsed he sounded! Is this the kind of guy you wanna spend a vacation with, this hate-monger?
I don't hate gay people!
So you love them?
Yes! I mean, no.
Textbook closet case. Self-loather. Can't be comfortable with his own sexuality.
