Suitor Number Three, is your kiss like a soft breeze, a firm handshake, or a jackhammer?
Definitely a jackhammer. I'm in there with some pressure, and when I'm done you're not the same as before. You're changed.
Where do you come up with this shit?! That is the cheesiest response to an honest question I've ever heard! I saw you kiss and it wasn't even anything like that!
Who the hell did you see me kiss?
Some dude backstage. I don't know who he was, but he seemed unimpressed.
I didn't kiss any guy backstage. I swear! I'm not gay.
Hey, suitor-ette, this guy's a homophobe! You heard how repulsed he sounded! Is this the kind of guy you wanna spend a vacation with, this hate-monger?
I don't hate gay people!
So you love them?
Yes! I mean, no.
Textbook closet case. Self-loather. Can't be comfortable with his own sexuality.
